The Many Ways To Mother: Issue #1

Brittany M. of Mother Metamorphosis shares her way of mothering in this season.

Hiyaaa cutie patooties!! I’m super excited to be comin’ atcha with our first ever Issue of “The Many Ways To Mother.”

If motherhood has ever made you wonder whether you’re doing it wrong—this is for you.

Our first contributor is Brittany M. of Mother Metamorphosis.

Brittany is a mother who is intuitively mothering her daughter with a focus on spiritual connection and attachment. She is a writer and creator of the Substack Brittany~ Mother Metamorphosis where she writes about whole mother nourishment and bridging the spiritual and emotional realities of motherhood with the physical reality that it brings.

She became a certified holistic birth and postpartum doula after losing her first pregnancy and son at 15 weeks pregnant. Her grief propelled her into her mission of supporting the whole being of women in the motherhood continuum.

Brittany holds psychic and spiritual gifts that she is beginning to develop – including spirit baby channeling, and higher self guidance. It has been a dream to support women in this way for many years and she is so grateful that she is able to.

She currently lives in Canada and is plotting her next international move to Central America (or somewhere else tropical and warm!). She meditates daily, is a lover of fiction books, and loves a good chocolate croissant.

I recently shared how passionately I feel about not being so focused on the “right” way to mother but YOUR way to mother—in this season.

While this entire publication is devoted to sharing a spectrum of truths about motherhood (and beyond)—with all the contradictions and complexity and beauty and heartbreak and freedom that comes with choosing your own way. I realllly wanted to share the experiences of MANY mothers. Not just me, myself, and I.

So, to honor the many ways to mother, I’m asking women across wildly different lives and stages a set of questions that cut through the “shoulds” and reveal the soul of how she uniquely mothers.

As you read, don’t look for the “right” way to do this. Look for the share that makes your body exhale. The sentence that gives you permission to mother on your terms. And as you do, keep reminding yourself that your way—yesss, even with the messy parts, the contradictions, the weird cobbled-together mix of privilege and pressure—is PERFECT.

You are not doing it wrong. Unless it feels wrong for you. You are not less worthy because your motherhood doesn’t look like hers.

This is ONE of many ways to mother.

What’s yours? (Would love to hear your shares in comments)

Without further ado, let’s dive into Brittany’s answers!

Q #1: What season are you in? Give us the snapshot—life, capacity, context.

This season of life is about holding multiple truths, multiple dimensions, multiple forms of being, and polarity. It’s a season of learning to hold myself in a more nourishing way than ever before, while being in full devotion to my daughter.

As a family, we have been in one of the toughest seasons of our lives – my husband being between jobs, living with my in-laws, and mothering full time. And at the same time, it has been one of the most beautiful seasons of our lives. The writing, the alignment and the opportunity that is finding its way to me. The magic that my 1.5 year old daughter brings into our lives with her unbridled joy, her magnetism, her beautiful way of navigating through the world in pure authenticity, and watching her grow into herself has been nothing short of otherworldly.

At times it feels like I am at my absolute max of capacity of what I am able to hold energetically physically, spiritually, and mentally and at other times it feels like I am boundless with eternal capacity.

All this to say, my daughter is never who I feel I need a break from. It is when I feel under supported, unseen or not held in the experience of motherhood is when I feel I am at a breaking point.

My daughter is a highly sensitive, low sleep needs baby and she has been a beautiful reflection and mirror into my own self as a child and it’s been healing to mother her. She’s energetic and has the type of quiet confidence most of us could only dream of holding innately. Mothering a sensitive daughter has taught me surrender in a way that I never knew it before. She’s invited me to be fully embodied in the truth of what she needs, and moving my own personal preferences to the side. She likes to be close. Her nervous system needs it, and frankly, mine does too.

But this means I have had to let go of a lot. I’ve had to let go of all the patterns that were keeping me in force, rather than receivership. It means I have been called into deeper presence with her, and myself. It means she is not comfortable with anyone, so I am her primary caregiver – most days, and all days.

I don’t say that to complain about her, or my motherhood chapter. Because this truth has brought me closer to myself in ways that I cannot explain. It has also meant that I am fully IN IT with her each and everyday. And these days are so fleeting – I could never imagine anything different.

Q #2: What version of “mother” were you taught to become—and which parts did you choose to keep or burn?

I was taught to be a mother who gave everything to her kids from an empty well. I was taught to be a resentful mother. I was taught that you must give up your entire life when you have kids, never once coming up for air. I was taught to be a mother that put her own wounding ahead of the very real needs of her children. I was taught you had to be a victim to motherhood.

I burned every single one of those teachings to the ground.

I learned from my own experience what I did not want to be as a mother – and I chose differently. I chose to heal. I chose to rewrite generational patterns and pasts to forge a new path of motherhood in my lineage.

I looked to people I admired, I looked to families where the kids looked loved, and the parents looked fulfilled. And I learned from them. I tuned into my heart and I found the ways that felt right for me and my family. I lean on my intuition more than I lean on information from others, or from research. I find what feels right, and I trust that. I didn’t realize how confident I would be in those choices, rarely faltering in them. I heard so much about the anxiety that comes with making the “wrong” decision as a new mother – and I thought that was just how it was.

I got to know my daughter’s spirit before she came earthside, through ceremony, dreams, and mediums – and it wasn’t a surprise that she chose me as her mother. What she needed from me as a mother and the way she has needed me to mother her, is exactly what I envisioned.

What has surprised me is how much inner wounding from my own childhood has surfaced or resurfaced. I spent years and years doing deep inner work through plant medicine ceremonies, breathwork, thetahealing and other modalities and cleared so much trauma that was held in my body and consciousness. I didn’t expect all the varying layers of these traumas to come up in an even stronger way since becoming a mother.

Motherhood has the power to heal. And it has the power to break. It’s your choice what route you take. And I feel grateful I’ve chosen the path of healing.

Q #3: What are your “&s”? Aka the identities, desires, and roles that exist alongside “mother.”

Other than a mother – the title I am the most proud of – I am a writer. I am a birth and postpartum doula. I am a motherhood doula. And most of all, I am Brittany. I am the truest version of myself I have been in this life yet, and I am just getting started.

People forget, and sometimes I forget, my sense of adventure. Something that nourished my whole being – mind, body, and spirit – before I had my daughter. It’s something that right now feels underfed with a deep longing for it to return. Adventure, spontaneity, travel, and exploration is one of the things that makes me feel the most like me.

Our physical reality and finances don’t allow for it at the moment in the way that I know is possible. Temporarily letting go of that part of me has been full of grief, sorrow, and hopefulness. That part of Brittany will return – with an international move happening sooner rather than later – to live the life we always dream of with our kids.

I’ve learned to create moments of that in our neighbourhood, in our community, and in the nearby towns, but it doesn’t feel the same when you know you’re in a physical location that doesn’t make your heart sing like places you’ve lived in the past.

Even though my reality doesn’t hold the same type of adventure that I long for at the moment, I have learned to find other forms of vitality and aliveness through nourishment, through cooking, and through presence. Meditation and prayer have been an essential part of my daily practice that helps me remain grounded and whole. I have learned to find joy and contentment in a quieter life than I once lived – I’ve grown deeply comfortable in my own skin, in silence, in peace. I have rediscovered my love for fiction novels. My daughter and I always go to the library together to pick out new books. These two things feed my heart and soul, but it also feeds the inner child within.

If I didn’t hold any shame – I would resurrect the athlete that I used to be, in a very different way. I’d move my body and workout more than I do, I would make it a priority in my life when it has fallen by the wayside since getting pregnant. It would help me to feel more confident in my body, stronger to hold my growing toddler longer, and feel sexier in my postpartum body.

Q #4: What does your support system actually look like?

I have an incredible built in support system while I live with my in-laws. In the day-to-day, I am the full time support system for my daughter and myself. My mother in law supports me in caring for our daughter for a few hours a day, a couple times a week so I can get some writing done, or just have some time alone. My husband also works from home so there are times where he will block a few hours in his calendar to support me / our daughter as well if I have a client call, podcast recording, or something else that cannot be missed.

I feel so grateful for this built in support, and I am going to be heartbroken when we eventually leave. The feeling of having someone you know with your whole being that your child is safe and happy with is a level of heart security that cannot be put into words. I still feel inklings of shame that we are living with my in-laws at the moment, but the gifts that it has provided us – connection, community, support, and a beautiful loving foundation for our daughter in the first years of her life is something that will always override the shame.

Once we leave here, our support system will look a lot different. It’s one we feel into all the time. We envision a nanny, who is more like a family member or auntie to our daughter. We envision having a cleaner to help with some of the cleaning around the house, and it will be beautiful for my daughter to have an aligned program to attend a few days a week to play with other kids. We envision living in an intentional community where there will be shared responsibilities, other children, other parents and the sharing of resources / childcare for our children to grow up in. We are done with living in nuclear family structures. Our daughter and future children – and we – deserve that.

Q #5: What do you love about the way you mother?

Motherhood is deeply sacred to me. It is a daily ceremony, a daily becoming, a daily act of devotion and surrender. I mother with my whole heart and with my daughter’s unique and individual spirit at the forefront of every decision, every way I show up, and in every moment. Her needs guide the way I mother and I remove my own personal preference from that. This is not an act of martyrdom – because boundaries exist and I hold firm on those. I nourish myself, I put myself first in many circumstances when I can, and I ensure my well is full. I ask for support when I need it so I can show up better for her.

I know the way I am mothering her – with a high priority on developing a secure attachment – is the right way for me because it feels right. It feels right in my heart and that effect ripples out into the way other people care for her too. I see it in the way she is safe to express every side of her being and her emotions. I see it in the way that she navigates the world when she feels nervous, when she feels comfortable, when she feels shy, or any mix of the above. I feel it in the way her body sinks into peace when she comes back to me. I see it in the way she lights up when I walk into the room.

I am a mother in the unseen realms. I tune into her spirit and higher self. I channel her guides and angels. I connect them with my own higher self. And knowing I am bridging the gaps between the spiritual realities and the physical realm allows me to have confidence in the way I mother. I don’t question if I am making the right decision because I know I am. I check in on all levels of being, and I trust that. If I feel shaky in that decision or it wasn’t clear, I ask my husband to tune in too.

This is what has made motherhood really interesting for me – being able to hold that spiritual connection with her spirit has helped guide my choices and my mothering experience. It’s rewarding, it’s fulfilling, and it is joyful knowing that I am listening to what her spirit needs and I see how it positively impacts everyone. Putting trust in that side of reality has allowed me to be more grounded in this physical reality.

Q #6: What feels really hard?

The hardest part of motherhood for me is the ever changing landscape of competing needs. On days when I need quiet and low stimulation, my daughter requires high stimulation situations. Or on days where I am bone tired and I am planning on napping with her, she decides not to nap, or to only nap for 15 minutes.

There are many days where we are a cohesive and synergistic unit and our needs are the same. We are in flow, we understand each other and we sink into the needs of the other. On the days where I need one thing, and she needs another, there is a level of surrender that feels challenging because it goes against what my body is calling for. It stretches me in a way that I’m sure many mothers understand.

However, in that stretching, my capacity grows. My nervous system expands. And there is growth that happens for us both.

Q #7? What’s a belief you hold about motherhood, or being a woman, that might shock people or rock the boat?

I believe that motherhood is an invitation to heal, to grow, and to let go of old stories. And when motherhood feels really hard in all ways, like it’s always overwhelming, like it’s always too much, I believe that we are resisting the invitations that are in front of us. We are resisting or ignoring the invitation to heal our childhood wounds. We are resisting or ignoring the signs to change up our routine, take care of ourselves better, or let go of some things that no longer serve us.

We all have sovereignty, we all have choice, we all have divine will. But there is an inherited perception of motherhood that we are victims to it, that we have no choice and “that’s just how it is”. And that’s the furthest from the truth.

As women and mothers, we are in the era where we are being invited to rise, to reclaim our power, our voices, and our wombs. Now is not the time to stay small, to stay compliant, and to stay hidden in the shadows to avoid radical responsibility.

As mothers, we hold sacred responsibilities to our bodies, our wombs, and our families. No one is coming to save me, and they aren’t coming to save you. It’s time to take our power back.

This might ruffle some feathers because it’s easier to stay in old patterns, and it’s easy to put blame on everything else while not doing anything different within the four walls of your own being or home. It’s easier to stay small. It’s easier to stay the same.

There is a power that mothers hold that no one else in this world holds. We are the creators of life. We are God consciousness in human form. Everyone here on this planet came from Mother – and we all came from the Great Mother. For me, it’s important to tap into that power, the soft and nurturing strength, that we so sacredly hold. We were born as women for a reason. We are mothers for a reason in this lifetime. And that is a gift that I will never take for granted.

Thank you, so so much for kicking us off with this series, Brittany, and for sharing so openly with us! I sooo appreciate you!

I realllly enjoyed getting a glimpse into Brittany’s season of motherhood right now, and felt a lot of resonance with what she shared.

AND…in the spirit of total transparency (cuz what else do we do around here?!), I noticed some places where I either felt differently or desired to feel the way Brittany did.

ALL OF THIS IS SO NORMAL!

As I shared in “The 7 questions every mother needs to be asked” this is perfect!!

Because the point isn’t for all of us to agree, but to make space for the breadth of truth without hierarchy or shame—so we can return to our own knowing.

I’ll share a couple of the things that came up for me (again, none of these are right or wrong…they’re just what I’m noticing in my own being and system):

• “All this to say, my daughter is never who I feel I need a break from.”

  • Oh wow…I DON’T feel that way…like at all (cue guilt trip). I absolutely feel like I do need a break from my children…and often!! I am someone who has always craved and NEEDED a ton of space to be alone. Even when I LOVE the people around me so so much.

• “What has surprised me is how much inner wounding from my own childhood has surfaced or resurfaced…”

  • Ummmm yes. 111%. This was WILDLY confronting for me the past few years and it invited me into navigating some of my darkest moments.

• “I am the truest version of myself I have been in this life yet, and I am just getting started.”

  • HELL TO THE FUCK YES. I feel this so deeply. It has been a RIDE to get here and has been bumpy as hell, but I couldn’t agree more.

• “I am the full time support system for my daughter and myself…My husband also works from home so there are times where he will block a few hours in his calendar to support me / our daughter as well if I have a client call, podcast recording, or something else that cannot be missed.”

  • I am not the full time support system for my daughter and son (my daughter is in pre-school and we have nanny help too). AND I STILL STRUGGLE! My husband also works A LOT. I got a jolt of envy wishing he was around more during the day…but also…when he’s around he’s SO hands-on and helpful. So also got a hit of gratitude ;)

• “I don’t question if I am making the right decision because I know I am. I check in on all levels of being, and I trust that.”

  • I love this so so so much and wish for more of this for myself. As someone who is hiiiighly anxious, I question my decisions ALL THE EFFING TIME. I’m also someone who can see infinite shades of grey, which can be such a gift…but can also be…A LOT.

• “We are mothers for a reason in this lifetime. And that is a gift that I will never take for granted.”

  • Amen <3

Thank you, again, Brittany, for sharing your heart and story with us!

And thank you dear glorious reader for tuning in and supporting another mama on the path of motherhood.

We all need each other, that’s for sure.

What part of your way of mothering do you secretly wish needed less explaining? If you want to name it here, you’re welcome to.

What’s one way you’re mothering, right meow, in this season?

Xx, Lex