How to get the "spark" back in your relationship ❤️🔥
The spark isn’t gone—you’re just living in the wrong "room"
Hey, hello, aloha!
I gotta say, I love Substack because I can use it as a landing place to share SO many of my ideas and frameworks that…
Were a highly coveted part of older programs/experiences that have since been retired.
Have never seen the light of day…BUT…got FULLY fleshed out in my Notion/Google docs (damn…if you could see the worlds and worlds of content I’ve created but have never released, idk if you’d be impressed or concerned 😅)
In the beginning of 2025, I decided to give the realm of relationship + intimacy coaching a go for maybe the third time in my coaching career. It was yummy and juicy and deeply fulfilling…but ultimately, not where my soul wanted to land publicly at the time.
In the process of figuring all this out, I created the Eros-Scope™ Quiz and a bangin’ framework called “The House of Eros.”
In honor of the month of LURVVVV, I decided to bring a lil bit of it back for you to enjoy.
Something I was/am very curious about is the concept of the “spark.” So many people say this is something that only exists at the beginning of a relationship, but from my own experience (+ those of my clients and colleagues), I don’t think that’s true….at all.
But before we go further…let’s pause for a sec.
I want you to check in with yourself…
What do you define as “spark?”
How do you know the spark is there?
What do you feel/experience/see?
How do you know if the spark is “gone?”
What you feel/experience/see?
The invisible architecture of love
Usually relationships (especially long-term ones) don’t lose the spark. They abandon rooms.
They start living in one or two places inside the relationship…and neglect the rest.
Every relationship lives inside an invisible structure.
I call it The House of Eros™.
The House of Eros™ is made of nine rooms: Five shared, three shadowed, and one sovereign.
Up until now, you’ve probs been trying to “work on your relationship” without knowing where you actually are inside it. That ends now.
Because when you know the House of Eros™—you stop guessing and you start feeding the rooms that feed your love. YUMMM.
SHARED ROOMS:
Foundation – Safety, partnership + co-functioning
Hearth – Emotional intimacy, truth-telling
Chamber – Erotic polarity, sex, desire, turn-on
Garden – Play, joy, affection, flirting
Temple – Devotion, shared vision, spiritual connection
SOVEREIGN ROOM:
Private Quarters – Self-connection + love, sovereignty, time apart
SHADOWED ROOMS:
Basement – Unspoken resentment, repression, survival mode
Attic – Fantasy, idealization, perfectionism
Outside – Avoidance, addiction, distraction, escape, numbing
Ok…now let’s explore them in greater depth. Not just what each room is—but what happens when you live there exclusively…or avoid it entirely. Plus, how you can use this map as a tool for deepening your relationship.
Pssst—the rest of this post is for our sexy paid subscribers only ;) If you’ve been feeling the ache for more closeness, more spark, more aliveness—but haven’t been to articulate why it feels off or what to do about it…this next part will give you language, orientation, practices, and an immediate relational shift…like today. You’re welcome.
