Now Revealing: My New Path
I’ve been hinting and teasing that clarity 🪞🪄✨ around the next steps on my biz path i finally here. This is your (incredibly) wordy and provocative front-row peek.
PART 1: THE LONGEST WINTER
A (very metaphor-heavy, lolz) glimpse into my inner world over the past year plus.
In the past week, so many pieces of my “purpose puzzle” have fallen into place. While they’ve been there all along, they’ve been scattered. And unlike those 1,500-piece puzzles that have an image to indicate the bigger picture to guide you, I was seemingly left in the dark.
And damn, what a freaking dark and long winter it was. It was the LONGEST of my business and life, lasting well over a year.
Along the way, I trusted the spring would come, because it always does…I’ve been in the murky waters more times than I can count.
Each time tested me in a new way. I’ve gotten off on the thrill of the mystery and magic of winter in the past…and that was true this time around as well, but I was also wildly concerned. Because winter had never been this long and hard before (yes, I totally set myself up for a #thatswhatshesaid joke).
Sure, I had glimpses of sunlight and spring. Sparks that began to illuminate the threads of Knowing woven deep into my core.
And I would grab hold of a thread, ready to follow it, only to feel too intimidated and scared about the uncertainty of where it would lead.
But not fully following it left me in a weird state of limbo. I could sense the pull and desire to move in a new direction, but I couldn’t seem to fully surrender and follow it with abandon.
Even in this void space, the alchemical process was taking place.
So many things I had once spoken with vigor and passion felt totally flat and lifeless.
Any fluff or “impurities” that didn’t resonate with this new version of me that was being re-born were distilled and stripped away.
It wasn’t an easy or enjoyable process (for the most part). Even though a part of me was repelled in the opposite direction—wanting to follow those threads that lead to new possibilities—another part of me was clinging on to an anchor that kept me tethered to “what was” for dear life. Clinging on to what I believed was certainty, security, and comfort.
I tried to write posts with 3-step how-tos around self-exploration. But OMG, I was yawning after step 1.
I tried to fall in love with modalities that felt like pure magic in the past. But they all felt so forced.
I tried to scroll through Instagram and TikTok for inspiration. Hoping, wishing, and praying that somewhere amongst the eclectic algorithm mix of my sister’s lesbian thirst traps (@arielledangelo I love you, mean it), Ms. Rachel sing-a-longs (YAY!!), and very graphic videos of babies arriving earthside through the venerated vajayjay portal, I’d get an innovative idea that would teleport me back into the creative vortex I had been so familiar with and loved.
But there was no lightning moment of inspiration. And forcing surface and superficial clickbait sure as hell wasn’t it. I was repulsed by anything that didn’t feel RADICALLY real, raw, and true.
An epic tug-o-war was afoot and it was creating inner turbulence that showed no signs of stopping.
And then something happened in my personal world that blasted my heart and soul open.
Tribulation made way for wild transformation.
It was a karmic moment that forever altered this lifetime and lifetimes of past and future.
So much vulnerability, love, depth, connection, and clarity were created through this experience.
I could feel the pieces of the puzzle rearranging.
I could feel the threads of Truth beckoning me even deeper.
And now, I was following.
I continued to swirl in the storms of the liminal winter lands a little longer. Until one day I realized the winds had stilled. The ice was thawing. And the sun was peeking through the clouds.
I told my mentor I am SO ready, I just want clarity.
And the next morning, it came.
PART 2: CLARITY AMIDST CRUSTY BOOGERS
An excerpt straight from my journal about the clarity that has crystallized.
This morning, as I was snuggled up with my Aisy (who was still sleeping because she has a little cold) all I could think about was how in love I am with her.
How I can’t believe how absolutely perfect in every way she is. Even with those crusty little boogers forming a trail from her nose to her top lip and the heavy mouth breathing going on that if anyone else was doing within a 3-mile radius of me, I’d glare at them for…But awww, because it’s her, it’s an adorable look and the sweetest little sound!
How she is truly my whole freaking world.
How I would do anything in the world for her. And how the axis of my entire world has shifted and how everything orbits around her.
And in thinking about how she has become the center of my gravitational pull, I realized I didn’t feel any sense of burden or sacrifice (although I have in the past).
I felt complete awe and total gratitude. And also the dawning of, “DUH! I’m a mama. That is the primary thing I am. That is my main identity right now and I’m so here for it.”
I honestly think I’ve been fighting it. I’ve always been someone who has had a strong sense of self. Who strums to her own ukulele. Who won’t let anyone tell her what to do.
Going into parenthood I was very clear that I didn’t want to lose myself in the process. I WOULDN’T lose myself in the process. Because clearly, I was under the impression that motherhood was like my pair of ridiculously tiny but super cute pearly purple earbuds or the very thoughtful but itchy sweater knitted by my great-grandmother Martha that could easily be misplaced.
I had deliberately determined that I wouldn’t allow myself to be “just a mom,” (which I now see is soooo naive and judgmental in so many ways…and while no one is “just a mom” even if they are a stay at home mom who does it all, that is a fcking feat and wild accomplishment that is to be celebrated…if that’s what they desire and choose for themselves…if they want something different, that’s an entirely different conversation).*
But what I wasn’t prepared for was that having “mom” as the main pillar of my identity wasn’t losing myself, it was finding myself. Cliché, I know. But motherhood had gifted me the solid center of truth and purpose that I was seeking. And unbeknownst to me, it had been in front of me all along.
I just thought I was going to find it from listening to some 11-minute and 11-second find-your-soul-purpose guided meditation with singing bowls that activated each of my 7 chakras. Not from having my abdomen cut open 7 layers deep, changing blowout diapers with fecal matter that rivaled that of the Upside Down’s Demogorgon, or becoming a couch cow who distributed on-demand milk from overstimulated nipples at least 11 out of 24 hours on a good day.
But such is this inexplicable and mysterious life!
So as I wrapped my arms around my softly snoozing and heavily mouth-breathing baby, cherishing everything about her, I realized, this is it. I am a mama. Mama is at the core of my identity and it’s time to claim it versus shame it and push it away.
PART 3: CALLING ALL THE MULTIDIMENSIONAL, SPICY “ENIGMAMAS”
Weirdly specific and raunchy messaging I’m dubbing, “Siren Song To Lure My Soulmate Clients.” IYKYK.
In claiming the identity of “mama” I realized that I wanted to connect with and co-create with other mamas on this wild, weird, and wonderful path. The ones who also want to claim the magic of mamahood AND their multidimensionality.
The mamas who wanna keep it freaky in the sheets and create intimacy with their partner that deepens as their skin radiantly raisins and their gums glisten in all their toothless glory (our mama motto in 2093: no teeth is the new 22). Because love truly can be like a fine wine that gets sweeter (and kinkier) with time.
The mamas who want to break the chains and patterns of generational trauma and parent in a new aligned way that nourishes their soul and their children’s. Where play, magic, and love are intentionally sprinkled into both the small mundane moments and the bigger traditions that will span generations.
The mamas who want to pour their passion and purpose into deep, meaningful work that feels like a PINCH ME AM I WET-DREAMING? level-of-yum and create wildly sustainable prosperity on their own terms while doing it. So they can generate even more time, money, and energy to use in whatever ways feel best for them.
Whether that’s having regular “Intimacy Dates” with their partner in swanky local locales or jet-setting to adventurous lands a few times a year (sure, even the no-wifi, no other souls within 4 miles of the in-laws’ New Hampshire log cabin can be made spicy when living out that mysterious-could-be-murderer lumberjack fantasy); being able to attend their kids’ field trips (even if it’s to the same musty, dark, tiny aquarium built in 1926 they’ve been to more times than anyone should have to suffer); or snuggling up on the couch at 2 pm to watch the latest episode of Selling Sunset, glazed gingerbread donut and frothy lavender matcha latte in hand (this is arguably incredibly important manifestation work for opening up to new possibilities! #itsalreadyonitswayorsomethingevenbetter).
Essentially, I’m realizing that I get to talk about it ALL. Because that’s what multidimensional and spicy mamas like myself are craving and taking a stand for.
We don’t fit in a box or a mold.
We are unlearning and redefining what motherhood looks and feels like on our terms.
We are enigmas (#enigmamas anyone?!) and paradoxes.
Rockin’ going-on-five-days mismatched sweatsuits stained with titty milk and puréed sweet potato sludge one day (ok, well for five days straight), and the next, silver-studded, high-waisted shorts with a black low-cut bodysuit (can’t blame us for wanting to flaunt our hard-earned natural boob job) and #imacoolmom black suede wedge sneakers to boot.
Partaking in diaper change wrestling matches with our tiny-but-oh-so-mighty offspring one minute and then tapping into our witchy magic as we channel titillatingly transcendental downloads sent from our 12D Quantum Cosmic Crew hailing from the Seven Sister Star System the next.
F-bombs sling-shotting out of our mouths left, right, and center while simultaneously guiding our swoon-worthy soulmate clients through the deepest, most sacred journey of their lives that leaves them forever changed.
Beast-moding and riding the HIIT workout high to the vocals of Carlie Rae Jepson one evening and melting into subspace bliss from being spanked to the holy rhythm of Hozier the next.
There’s no rhyme, no reason, and no rules we’re confined to. And we like it like that, thank you very much.
PART 4: THE TRIFECTA OF PARTNERSHIP, PURPOSE, AND PARENTHOOD
(Finally) weaving all the threads of my new direction together and inviting you to join me for a Spicy Chat.
I’ve previously written in my journal how I’ve only been feeling called to talk about what is real for me…and for the past year plus that’s been motherhood and relationships, on top of business shenanigans. Aka those examples from Part 3 were not just random examples but (mostly) real-life happenings.
But gosh golly gorillas, the first two topics (motherhood and relationships) feel so personal and tender. And yet, there’s no denying that I live and breathe these things, and therefore, these are the things that I can’t help but share with all of you.
Over the past two years, my days have been filled with learning how to prepare myself for the world of parenting and then taking theory and putting it into practice—or not putting it into practice at all.
For example, I thought I’d be totally cool with plopping Aisy in her crib to cry it out in what seemed like totally doable increments. I mean, pre-parenthood, I was the genius who came up with the revolutionary idea of “Krates for Kids”—an all-in-one solution for entertaining, soothing, and caring for testy terror tots so parents could be as hands-off in the child-rearing process as they wanted (it was a joke…I swear…).
However, when it came down to it, I was the one who couldn’t handle the separation. I’d sit outside Aisy’s room watching the numbers on my iPhone timer tick down until good ole Dr. Richard Ferber’s sleep training chart indicated I was “supposed” to go back in. I’m no doctor and I know this has worked well for numerous families, but that was one of many moments when I realized that even the most popular and well-researched parenting methods can’t compare to a mama’s intuition and the knowledge of what’s best for her and her child.
I know I’m still a “new mom” and I am absolutely not claiming to be an expert at parenting, but I am claiming to be the expert at parenting my child. And I am so damn passionate about the journey of parenthood and everything that comes with it. I know there can always be more support and community for new and existing parents and I desire to be part of people’s villages and an advocate for living out their soul-aligned visions of parenthood (and to love up on ‘em when their reality feels so far from said vision).
For the past 8 years, I’ve been diving deep into relationship, intimacy, and sexuality work “behind the scenes.” I honestly didn’t have any intention of teaching or facilitating it—it was just for me and Jake, initially. But the more I’ve immersed myself in the containers, programs, and experiences that deepen our intimacy and the more I’ve embodied the tools, practices, and rituals, the more I’ve realized that this is what I believe in and take a stand for. This is what life is about and what lights a fire inside of me. This is “the work” that makes all the difference and that I know I will be doing for the rest of my time on this earth—even if I don’t whisper a single word about it to another soul.
But I don’t want to keep it a dirty little secret. I want to scream about it from the restraints of our two pushed-together full beds’ (honestly a sleeping game-changer) hybrid headboard x hardpoint.
Because while it’s (unfortunately) not every day that people do things like…
Attend workshops on Shibari, the ancient Japanese art of bondage tying, and “walk into” a virtual room with someone suspended from the ceiling in nothing but shiny red patent leather underwear being spun around as they’re flogged by a mysterious feathered mask-wearing Domme…
Or partake in retreats where it’s totally normal to gather with strangers to share about the different types of orgasms we like to have and how we’ve been programmed to have them from past sexual experiences—the most intimate prior conversations being about how tasty the freshly squeezed pear, mango, and pineapple welcome drink was and how the 13% increase in humidity from Florida to Mexico has frizzed up our formerly tamed tresses.
Or make time and space for regular relationship check-ins that on the surface seem mundane but in execution create unprecedented magic. Such as the disclosing of simple desires like more morning breakfasts outside listening to the ocean waves crash as well as more sexy desires like weekly offerings to “Pandora’s Box” (more on this to come).
I wish they were a more regular occurrence and just thinking about bringing some of this to the people I work with feels edgy and exciting as f*ck. So why not choose to deepen into an area that keeps me tuned in and turned on, right?!
And while the business piece of the puzzle isn’t an edge like parenting and relationships are, it sure as hell is an area of expertise. For the past 13+ years, I’ve been schooled in the world of entrepreneurship and have created an online business that has generated multi-millions in revenue. This was absolutely not something that happened overnight though, and I had many unsuccessful business attempts in the first couple of years that left me with incredibly useless remnants but luckily, some incredibly helpful lessons.
Ice cream cake business—Ice Queen Cakes
Remnant: A freezer that I convinced my 6 college roommates to let me keep in our tiny “mod” apartment at Boston College stocked with ingredients that cost more than I charged for my products
Lesson: In order for a business to be sustainable, you need to learn how to make a profit.
Costume jewelry business as a Stella & Dot Stylist
Remnant: A 12-layered, probably 12-pound, oversized metallic necklace that seemed fun in theory but left me with a knotted and strained neck.
Lesson: It’s not a business if you only buy products that you wear yourself. It’s a very expensive (and physically unfavorable) hobby.
Greeting card business—Pretty & Fresh
Remnant: A high-end printer that conveniently left streaks of ink on anything it printed so I would need to put sticky notes on top of the place where I predicted the bleeds would be.
Lesson: Time is money. If it takes 27 minutes to produce a streak-free greeting card that only sells for $4.95, I’m not even making minimum wage (and that’s not counting the cost of supplies; the time it takes to design said card; and the fragments of my soul forever Dementored away from the deplorable chore of stepping foot outside my South Boston basement apartment in the chilling claws of February to GASP! do something as archaic as mailing a parcel to my one and only paying customer).
Oh, it’s been a journey, that’s for sure. But I’m happy to say I’ve overcome those initial tribulations and applied the hard-learned lessons along the way about what it takes to create a pleasurable and profitable business that creates a true ripple effect.
I have dedicated thousands of hours to becoming a true master of the Transformational Arts and have been a trusted resource for facilitating miracle-style results with the world’s leading coaches, healers, practitioners, and multi-6 and 7-figure business owners.
I’ve been certified at the Trainer level in Neurolinguistic Programming, Hypnotherapy, Emotional Freedom Techniques, T.I.M.E. Techniques, and Life + Success Coaching.
I’ve completed a 9-Month Priestess Path Initiation, am a Certified Applied Astrology Guide, Certified Integrative Health Coach, Trauma Informed Practitioner, and have been in countless certifications and deep-dive programs in the realms of Sex, Love, and Relationships; BDSM and Kink; Somatics; Embodiment; Developmental Movement; and more.
Not to mention I have created, co-created, and embodied a wide range of transformational modalities inside of my company, Tabwoo Institute™, such as MindCrafting™, ChronoMapping™, Archetypes and Shadow Divination™, AstroVibeology™, Pleasurable SeXploration™, Astral Adventures + Healing™, Akasha Field Guidance™, Somatic Sorcery™, Biology of Manifestation™, and Group Dynamics, Ceremony, and Facilitation™—to name a few.
I’m so freaking excited to weave these threads of parenthood, partnership, and purpose together in an even more intentional and integrative way.
For those of you who have stuck with me through this post, DAMN, you’re either severely procrastinating, experiencing the humanoid focusing effects of the latest nootropics cocktail, or you’re my people!
I’m hoping it’s the latter, but you’re welcome here all the same.
Ok, ok, ok…
What does all this jib-jab storytelling amount to? What does it mean for me? And more importantly, what does it mean for you, dear reader?
I’m officially declaring that I’m claiming the (working) title of:
Business and Intimacy Coach for Multidimensional + Spicy Mamas wanting steamy partnership, sacred purpose, and soul-filling parenthood.
^ That def needs some fine-tuning and finessing, but hopefully after reading this dissertation you’re picking up what I’m putting down.
Now, here’s where you come in…
If you’re vibing and nodding your messy mommy-bun head, I would la-la-love to invite you to schedule a “Spicy Chat” so we can shoot the shit on what’s shakin’ and bakin’ in your world and learn more about what you’re deeply desiring in the trifecta of partnership, purpose, and parenthood.
To be crystal ball clear—this is absolutely not a sales call—I truly have nothing to sell you (yet!).
By having these convos I’m hoping to get more insight into what other multidimensional and spicy mamas want (what they really really want) so I can create the most yummalicious offering that has all your lips smackin’ for more. Have I gone too far? Maybe…
But this is me. This is us.
So! Slide into my Insta DMs if you want to have a 30-minute “Spicy Chat” with me over Zoom and some matcha.
Or if you’re fiercely protecting any sacred 30-minute chunks of time (I so get it) and prefer to voice note as you pump, walk, or whatever it is that you do, I’m down!
Comment below or message me meow and let’s get chattin’.
OOOOOOOH, MY (extremely chipped, calloused, and in need of a pedi) TOES ARE CURLING WITH EXCITEMENT. I CAN’T WAIT!