Love Bubbles, Free Dessert, and Why the World is Starving for What I Just Lived

10 things I'm taking away from my 3-day Intimacy + Polarity Immersion (+ tips and practices for you and your boo)

Sep 18, 2025

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^ This is how I feel—still like a blob of emotions and feels and struggling to put my most recent retreat experience into words, but I will try my best with this post!

I just got back from my third intimacy + polarity group immersion (not to mention the three private immersions Jake and I have done with our coach, Allan, plus nearly a decade of work in this area).

Pssst—if you’re curious about the Intimacy + Polarity Immersion and want to join the next one in January 2026, send me a DM over on IG @lexidangelo ❤️‍🔥 I TRULY COULD NOT RECOMMEND IT ENOUGH! Allan and Courtney (the co-facilitators) are the real deal through and through and I trust them implicitly. And I rarely ever shout from the rooftops so aggressively about anyone.

You really never know what’s gonna go down in these spaces—it’s very much in the mystery! AND…the last one we (my husband Jake and I) went to in June ROCKED both of us individually. We faced and moved through some deep childhood wounds + traumas and it was a gnarly, dark, confusing, but ultimately, liberating experience.

This time around, we were ready for a different flavor. I even joked around with everyone that this one was my “light and fun one!” I convinced myself that this time, I’d just soak in the love with Jake, roll around in community cuddles, and stay in the joy.

And I did...ALL the way til the end of day 3.

But then Love (the trickster minx that she is) cracked me open anyway—in the very last damn exercise. Of course.

And what spilled out are 10 things I don’t want to forget/10 nutrients we are STARVING for in this culture/10 reminders that what we call “extra” or “indulgent” is actually what keeps our hearts beating as the gloriously imperfect but oh-so-loveable human beings we are.

+++ tips, practices, and ideas for each of ‘em to weave these into your everyday life.

Here we gooooo…

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1. Love isn’t meant to be rationed.

Out here in “normal” life, we act like love is scarce. Like it has to be preserved for your partner or your kids, maybe your dog or your grandma because it’s what’s expected. Inside the immersion bubble though? LOVE OVERFLOWED. Eye contact on tap. Deep presence and attunement. Words of affirmation spilling everywhere. Hugs that last until you melt. GAHHHH. It was the BEST.

Rationing love is a STRATEGY from our wounded child parts. We ration because we’re terrified of being “too much,” or of being misread, or of giving without getting. We confuse boundaries with withholding. And we forget that love can be both overflowing and clean (aka consent-savvy, non-performative, and not a bid for validation).

Can you imagine what the world would feel like and look like if we didn’t gatekeep love?! If it spilled into friendships, neighbors, the barista, the dad at school pickup, the woman you just met .2 seconds ago and the friend you’ve known for 20+ years? YUM.

Quick tips for creating more love in every moment:

Presence: BE fully with the person in front of you. Not on your phone or thinking of your to-do list. In the moment of NOW.
Attunement: Eye contact. Noticing the subtle shifts in their expression. Attuned to their energy and heart.
Touch: With consent—hand on someone’s arm. Shoulder squeeze. Hold hands. Long hugs. Hair strokes.
Witnessing/celebration: “I see how devoted you are.” “Your laughter just brightened the room.” “Wow…thank you for sharing that story with me, it really made me rethink x, y, z.” Tiny reflections like these can feed a soul for days.

All of this leads me to the next takeaway…

2. Love is contagious!

Love doesn’t just stay in your body…it MOVES! When you see a couple in raw devotion…when someone loves on you without reservation, your heart cracks, expands and you want to love more!

Case in point: one night at a restaurant, we had a “secret assignment” (shhh). Our table was an absolute bliss explosion of silliness, pleasure, giggles, snuggles, and radiance.

People stared like we were on drugs. 👀 (Nooope! Sober retreat, baby.)

But the vibe was undeniable—love was dripping off us. People wanted in and gravitated to us. Even our waitress couldn’t help coming over to us more than usual and gave us free dessert.

That’s the ripple! It shifts the energy of an entire room. And we can all create that ripple in our everyday lives.

A few easy ways to love freely + contagiously:

Upgrade your hello’s. Instead of “Hey, how are you?” try: “I’m so happy to see you!” Watch faces light up.
Overflow in public. Tell your friend/partner/kid something you adore about them loud enough for others to overhear.
Micro-gestures. Hold doors. Compliment a stranger’s sweater. Smile at babies (and the caretakers holding them!). Say the loving thing you’re thinking in your head that you’re afraid would be weird if you said aloud. Do it!!!
Voice-note love drops. Pick one person a day and drop them a 30-second voice note saying what you appreciate/love/miss about them.
Support the service peeps. If you’re at a restaurant or being waited on/supported in any capacity, ask the person who is waiting on you how they’re doing. A simple “what’s been the best part of your day so far?” to someone who doesn’t expect it coming just might become the best part of their day.

3. Depth doesn’t take years—it takes safety and openness.

I left with soul family bonds in less than 72 hours. Because the container made it so damn clear that everyone was welcome exactly as they were and this was a safe place to let go of the masks and posturing and just HUMAN.

Lil caveat here: they didn’t actually say, “This is a safe space.” (Because let’s be real—when someone announces that, my bullshit meter goes off. Nowhere is guaranteed safe. You can’t slap a sign on the door and erase the realities of trauma, difference, or human unpredictability.)

What you can do is create an environment where nervous systems downshift out of fight-or-flight and people feel safer to open.

And that’s exaaactly what they did through clear container agreements, boundaries, expectations, consent, transparency, ritual, and attunement.

When you weave all that together, you get perceived safety. And when the body feels safe the heart can finally unclench. And THAT is when depth happens—fast, real, unapologetic depth that transcends time.

Tips for creating depth + safety (whether you’re hosting a circle, a dinner party, or just talking with your partner):

Set agreements. For example…
- Holding the space as sacred and confidential. You can share the wisdom you gained and your own personal experience, but not the names or details of anyone else.
- No fixing. Simply be a witness of someone’s experience without input or “fixing,” unless they specifically ask for feedback/reflection.
Name consent out loud. Make it explicit. “I want to receive touch but only above my shoulders.” Or, “Please only come to this practice with the energy of your heart space. No waist down energy.”
Normalize choice. Remind people that they are sovereign and always have choice. You might make suggestions or requests, but they get to say no or not now.

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4. Jealousy isn’t a curse…yes, it can be painful and annoying AF but it can also be a window into what’s still raw and needing to be transmuted or attended to.

As I shared above…I went into this immersion HOPING for levity and FUN. And woohoo—I got it! I made it out unscathed.

Or so I thought…

*Cue the final exercise.*

We were given the option to rotate partners for the final rounds of practices and I was totally game.

Until behind me, across the room, I could hear Jake and another woman laughing. I couldn’t see what was happening, but suddenly my insecure, jealous girl crashed the party. HARD.

I couldn’t even focus on the man I was paired with in front of me because all I could think was, “Where’s Jake? What’s he doing with her?”

Old wounds, panic, and ache surfaced. I felt like I completely reverted to a past version of me and HOT DIGGITY DOG, was it CONFRONTING.

At the end of the practice, partners were invited to come together again and Jake could immediately sense something was off. And he held me so fucking well and met me with total devotion, care, and love. I cracked open to the gratitude of, “Fuck. THIS is my man. How lucky am I? I love him so much and trust him fiercely.”

What the eff to do if jealousy comes out to play (without gaslighting yourself or your partner):

Name it and express it, but refrain from accusation.
- Instead of “You were flirting!!!” (aka accusation), try “Jealousy just came online and it feels like X in my body.”
- You can also emote/sound/express how you feel. Without saying anything at all, I looked at Jake with pain in my eyes, bottom lip trembling.
- You can also say, “When I heard you laughing with that other woman, I made up a story that _____.”
Slooooow it down. Jealousy makes us want to react. Instead, breathe, move your body, or literally shake it out before speaking. Give your nervous system time to catch up.
Find the underbelly. Jealousy usually hides something softer—fear of loss, desire for reassurance, longing for attention. So get curious…what’s underneath the claws and spikes?
Ask for what you need. In my case, it was Jake’s attunement and devotion. Having him be with me and also share his experience. Sometimes it’s a hug, words of affirmation, or simply being witnessed.
Don’t shame the jealous part. She’s not a psycho bitch. She’s your inner protector. Sometimes she might freak out based on old wounding but other times she might have super spidey senses that something is off. Thank her for showing up and feel into the truth of what’s there.
Use it as a growth opportunity. Jealousy reveals where you’re still tender. Instead of resisting, treat it as a teacher pointing toward deeper trust and intimacy.

5. The taboo is healing.

During this immersion we went into the shadows and explored dark energy—the stuff that gets coded as “bad” or “dangerous.” Things like choking, predator/prey, and primal rage. We dove deeply into how without heart, without love, without consent—it’s abuse. Full stop.

But with heart…with devotion…with crystal-clear consent? OHHH BABY. It’s not just hot—it’s medicine.

When someone meets your darkness with love, your nervous system learns a new story that you’re “too-muchness”, your taboo, and your shadow—they all belong.

And thaaaat’s when the permission floodgates open. That’s when people release old shame. That’s when play gets even more playful, because the parts of you that used to be locked up in the dungeon finally get to come dance in the light.

Taboo work isn’t about shock value—it’s about liberation. It’s about integrating the dark with the light so your love, your intimacy, and your play aren’t just surface cute…they’re fucking ALIVE.

Also…our dark desires or “forbidden” fantasies aren’t random. At the core of them is a nutrient that your soul and system is STARVING for.

So…some pre-work to playing in the realm of taboo could look like this:

Name the desire. Say the “taboo” thing out loud. (Ex: “I want you to dominate me and choke me.”)
Excavate the nutrient. Ask: What do I get to feel when this happens? What’s the medicine underneath? Maybe being dominated gives you permission to surrender. Maybe choking gives you intensity and presence. Figure out what it is for you.
Gift/receive the nutrient first. Before you act out the dark desire, see if you can receive or offer the nutrient in a pure, simple form. If what you’re craving is surrender, let your partner make the decisions for an entire evening, or carry you to bed and slowly remove your clothes and put you in your pajamas. If it’s intensity, lock eyes and breathe deeply together—maybe even making some primal sounds.
Play small before you play big (this is if/when you’re ready to take it further). Want to be spanked? Start with a firm hand on your bottom and some pressure. Want to be tied up and gagged? Start with a scarf around your wrists for 30 seconds with the rule of no talking.

When the nutrient is acknowledged and fed first, the fantasy stops being a hungry ghost. Then, if you choose to play with the taboo in a physical/sexual way, it’s not coming from a wound—it’s coming from wholeness. And that’s when it becomes medicine.

6. Play is sacred.

Oh em geeee did we have SO much fun!!! We were weird AF. We danced like silly (and sexy) geese. We teased. We did “Sacred Theater” skits so absurd we laughed about it for hours afterward.

Because once you’ve tasted the liberation of letting your darkness be met with love… Once you’ve seen that you’re not “too much” or “wrong” or “dangerous” for wanting what you want…The shame grip loosens. And what pours in is…PLAAAY!

Play is how intimacy expands beyond “deep stares and sexy breathing.” It’s how couples stop working on their relationship and start PLAYING in it. It’s how community bonds get sticky, ridiculous, and unforgettable.

Here are some silly play ideas to try out with your partner, friends, or community:

The 2-minute act of devotion: Create the most “devotional” (and silly) expression about something you love—chanting about the cheesiness of pizza, worshipping your cat, creating a poem about your lover’s luscious locks, etc. Let yourselves be weirdos.
Dance ugly not sexy: Put on a song and commit to the ugliest, weirdest dance moves possible. No “hot” allowed. Trust me, you’ll end up laughing your booties off.
Compliment toast: Trade over-the-top, absurdly dramatic compliments until you can’t stop giggling. “The way you scratch your nose when you’re tired reminds me of the most vulnerable little mouse and makes me want to pounce on you…”

7. Polarity is most powerful when it’s integrated.

While many of my practices were about embodying the “feminine” in me, it wasn’t juuuust that. The narrative was NOT “women must be feminine, men must be masculine.” That is boring, outdated, and frankly…unhelpful.

What I experienced was way juicier—BOTH energies matter and are CRUCIAL. No matter if you’re in a feminine body or a masculine body.

Masculine without feminine? Flat. Predictable. Rigid. YAWN.
Feminine without masculine? Chaos. Erratic. Swirl with no ground. EEEEEE.
Integration? That’s the nectar. YUMMMM.

And my nervous system gobbled it up like hot honey on toast.

Despite what so many polarity experts and coaches (purposely or not) say, polarity isn’t about locking yourself into a role. (And yeah, sure, you may prefer to be in your feminine 90% of the time. Or even 99%.) But ultimately, it’s about accessing the full spectrum and being at CHOICE with how you play with energies.

Sometimes I want to melt into the arms of Jake’s steady, grounded masculine. Other times, my feminine wants to be in her wild aliveness that pulls him into freedom. And then there are moments when I drop into my own inner masculine so he can fully unfurl his tender feminine.

This is what actually feeds us…dynamism. Not a static “you always do this, I always do that,” but a living, breathing dance where both energies are honored and expressed.

Mini ways to explore polarity:

Switch roles on purpose. If you’re usually the planner, let your partner take the lead for a date. Or vice versa. Notice what happens in your body and how it feels.
Name your practice. Say out loud: “I want to practice surrender right now” or “I want to practice leading you.” And try it out! See how it lands within each of you.
Play with micro-doses. Masculine can be as simple as steady eye contact, clear direction, holding stillness. Feminine can be as simple as softening your breath, moving your hips, letting sound spill out. Use ‘em and layer them in small ways in various situations and notice the effect on you and others.
End with integration. After polarity play, sit face-to-face and let both energies dissolve. Breathe. Gaze left eye to left eye. Hold hands. Remember you’re not roles—you’re whole humans. Witness and love up on the human in front of you and recognize the part of you that’s reflected in their gaze. Come into a sense of oneness and awe and love.

8. Practice radical appreciation and awe for what’s already here.

During the women’s only practice, someone asked a question along the lines of “what do I do with my YEARNING. In the past my desire for men lead me to the constant infatuation and obsession with love, and I want to break the pattern and feel/do differently.”

Courtney (our facilitator) spoke to the fact that soooo many polarity teachers applaud yearning but her experience is quite different.

She said something along the lines of:

“What if you weren’t so consumed by the lack in your yearning but surprised by the fullness of your having?”

OOOPH. That one realllllly hit me.

Because yearning often comes from a child strategy. The part of us that learned love was always just out of reach, so we chase it endlessly. The real medicine isn’t in the yearning. It’s in the having.

Aka being radically present with EVERYTHING you have right here in this moment. And noticing and being with the deliciousness of that. And letting having fill you up and be enough.

I realized how much time I spend fixated on the yearning and ache of what’s not here yet. As soon as our relationship hit a new depth, I want something more. Or I become hyperfixated on the 1% Jake doesn’t get “right.” Like “sure, he nailed that, but what about that thing he missed?!” 🤪 It’s exhausting and def doesn’t feel good for either of us.

When instead, I could notice the 99% he does so fucking well. The ways he shows up daily. The devotion he pours into me and our family. The fact that he is not just “enough”—he is EXTRAORDINARY.

Radical appreciation is about widening your gaze. It’s about awe. Letting yourself be blown away by what’s already here instead of sleepwalking past it on your way to the next milestone.

Oh and appreciation and acknowledging is HOT. Nothing opens the erotic field faster than being seen and celebrated. When I gush about the ways Jake is already showing up, his shoulders broaden, his eyes brighten, his presence sharpens, and I can feel his heart expand. He wants to give more. Desire feeds on being received (for exactly as you are).

Tiny practices for radical appreciation:

The 99% Rule: When you catch yourself fixating on what’s missing, stop and name three things your partner is doing brilliantly. Like the ways they make you feel loved, desired, supported, or prioritized. Do it out loud. Preferably to them ;)
Be DELICIOUSLY surprised by the having: Once a day, pause and ask, “If I was shocked awake right now, what would I be amazed to already have?”
Turn-on gratitude: Take one ordinary thing (your morning coffee, your partner’s hand, your kid’s laugh) and luxuriate in it for 60 seconds longer than usual. Let it register in your body.

9. The post-bubble ache is real.

GAHH. The post-immersion drop of missing everyone and being like waiiiit…”Why can’t we always be doing life and love like THAT?!” is SO REAL.

Inside the immersion, you’re wrapped in oxytocin, giggles, devotion, and intimacy on tap. It’s basically a sober drug trip—your system is flooded with hormones, your heart is cracked wide, and your body is buzzing with love.

And then…you go home.

And the withdrawal ensues.

The kids are melting down. Your partner is tired. Your inbox is full. The people around you weren’t there, so they don’t get it. And suddenly the bubble pops and you’re like what the actual fuck just happened?

Yesss you’re “missing your retreat friends.” But it’s also your body grieving the contrast. It’s the whiplash of moving from a love-saturated environment back into a world that’s, well…kinda stingy with love.

Here’s what’s been helpful for me—recognizing that retreats are not “real life.” They’re carefully crafted bubbles. They’re not meant to be permanent BUT they are meant to show you what’s possible and what’s available to you. And THAAAAT is what we can use to inspire us and guide us as we come back to “ordinary” life.

What you do in the bubble matters, but what you do after is where the true practice begins. When endorphins wear off and you’re back in the mess of everyday life. This is where you get to decide, “Am I going to collapse back into old patterns, or am I going to bring pieces of the bubble into my daily life?”

For years, I used to think the post-bubble ache meant I was doing something wrong—or that our relationship was doomed. Like if I was really happy, I wouldn’t feel this crash. Wrong.

Now I can see it for what it really is…PROOF! Proof that we touched something EXTRAORDINARY and that my entire being is hungry for more intimacy, aliveness, and love.

And so I keep reminding myself that the ache itself is a GIFT. The ache means I SEE and FEEL the contrast. Which means I’m awake enough now to know what’s truly possible and to feel when I’ve veered away from my true baseline of love and aliveness. And because of this ache and awareness, I can keep choosing to make shifts that bring me back to it.

So, yeeeeup, integration can be a bitch. But it’s not about mourning the loss of the bubble or trying to recreate it perfectly, it’s about letting what happened inside of it reshape how you live, love, and show up in your everyday.

Here are some re-entry and integration practices that might help:

Name the drop. Literally say out loud: “GAHHHHH! I’m in the post-bubble ache right now.” Naming it keeps you from spiraling into “something’s wrong” stories and normalizes that it’s a thing!
Create some buffer room. Giving yourself time to integrate instead of demanding you “get back to normal” overnight is soooo helpful. Having pre-scheduled buffer time can make a huge difference.
Tend to your Nervous System. Rest. Hydrate. Eat grounding foods. Put your feat in grass. Hug a tree.
Do a landing/re-integration ritual. Set aside 15 minutes to an hour to reflect on your experience and journal, move our body, pull some cards, etc.
Have a debrief date. Share your top 3 takeaways with your partner. Then ask what they’d love to weave into daily life with you. It doesn’t have to be big—but it can be!
Micro love bubbles. Instead of trying to recreate retreat-level intensity, weave in small practices that you loved most from your time.
- 2 minutes of eye-gazing before bed.
- One appreciation spoken out loud at dinner.
- When you sense tension or an argument, instead of hashing it out verbally, play fight and wrestle with each other.
Create community touch points. Stay connect with your retreat babes. Create a group chat thread, send voice notes, arrange for a Zoom hangout.
Lead with compassion. When you notice yourself cranky, lonely, or dropping into old patterns, soften. Remind yourself this is alllll part of the re-integration experience. Offer the same compassion to your kiddies and partner. Remember they’re just humaning ;)

10. Belonging isn’t a luxury—it’s a survival need.

One of the most healing parts of this immersion was that nobody had to prove shit. You didn’t have to be shiny or spiritual enough or “doing the work” at some gold-star level. You belonged because…you were there and you showed up. Full stop.

It just so happened that there were people who were EXPERTS in the realm of polarity with hundreds of thousands of followers. AND people who were total newbies with no “cred” to their name. Didn’t make a damn difference. Which was so freaking refreshing. Because so many retreats and events in the coaching industry can be a who’s who gossip fest and you feel like you’re in a Keeping Up With The Koaching Kardashians episode. NO THANK YOU.

And as much as we love to gawk over micro celebs and put them on a pedestal, what we’re ACTUALLY starving for is not giving two shits. And not having anyone else give two shits about where we fall on the socially constructed hierarchy either. We want to know that we don’t have to earn our seat at the table and we are automatically IN and loved simply because we ARE. Thaaat’s it.

But unfortunately most of us learned the opposite. Families, schools, workplaces, social media, etc. have trained us to burry the parts that didn’t fit and to polish up the parts that would shiiiine and get applause. So we end up with guards up. Numbed out bodies. Calcified hearts. We perform, pretend, and wonder why we feel so freaking alone even in a sea of people.

This is where compassion comes in like a holy disruptor. When we can exude the energy of, I see you. Yeah you’re awkward af…but I love you just like that. Oh…and you’re fierce. And you’re tender. And you’re complicated. You’re SO many things and you’re worthy of love. PERIOD.

That kind of compassion and seeing each human as a whole human is what makes belonging possible.

Which makes me wonder…what if compassion was the baseline? What if belonging wasn’t something you earned by being impressive or agreeable—but something baked into our culture from the very start?

I swear, the world would look a hell of a lot less like a war zone and more like the love bubble I just crawled out of.

Belonging is NOT a luxury. It’s crucial to our survival and the nutrient we’re starving for.

Ways to practice belonging and compassion IRL (+ URL):

Lead with welcome. When someone enters your home, your circle, or your party, let them feel that they are welcome and they belong in your body language and your words.
- “I’m so happy you made it!” “It feels so good to have you here.”
- Take care of them by taking their coat, offering to grab them a drink, to come sit with you, or introduce them to someone.
View people through the lens of love. Next time someone annoys you, pause and remember, “They’re just a human out here in the world trying to love and be loved...or at the very least, experience connection and belonging.” Notice what softens.
Belonging check-in. Ask your partner/kids/friends, “What would make you feel more loved/connected/included/welcome right now?” Then do it!
Mirror back humanity. When someone is vulnerable with you, reflect, “Thank you for sharing that. I feel closer to you now.”

In summary…

Retreats are not about escaping reality. They’re rehearsals for it.

They show us how much love we’re actually capable of giving and receiving when the masks peace out and the heart opens.

Also…love is not a “special occasion” state that’s just for retreat spaces (or weddings, date nights, when the kids are finally asleep, etc.). It is a constant in-the-moment practice and choice. And it doesn’t have to look or be any one way. In fact, love asks us to show up in EVERY way and to reveal our truth—whether that’s raw, ridiculous, tender, jealous, playful, grateful, angry, etc. But to share our truth with love, for love, and through love.

The love bubble reminded me that I want to live in and create a world where:

Love isn’t rationed.
Where depth comes from safety and openness, not time.
Where shadow and taboo are yummmalicious portals.
Where play is sacred.
Where our humanness and wholeness are celebrated.
Where we practice appreciation and awe for what’s already here.
Where belonging and compassion are a given.
And where the ache itself is proof we’re alive and helps orient us toward where we want (and know we’re meant) to be.

So here’s my prayer (for me, for you, for us):
May we love freely and wildly and truly.
And know that we are loved for all of us, exactly as we are.