From The Diary of a Mother & Wild Cyclical Creature Embracing The "Seasons"

A map for mothers who feel creative one minute and in the never-ending void the next— and how they can finally understand and work with their unique rhythm.

Welcome to another entry straight from my stream of consciousness journaling (again, you are always warned!). Buuuut today I’m not just spillin’ the beans. You’ll also find questions and a mini guide to help you make sense of your own cyclical rhythm…Because I know I’m not the only multi-hyphenate mother who’s felt completely unhinged by her “inconsistency” (right…right?!!).

The Myth of Consistency

I used to think that I was wildly inconsistent. Unpredictable. An enigma!

I mean, I kinda still like to think I’m an enigma ;) Being a woman of mystery sounds sexy to me.

BUT…AND!

I’ve actually come to realize that I’m simply (ok, complexly) a CYCLICAL CREATURE!

And if you’re a mother—a creative, sensitive, deeply-feeling one—there’s a strong chance this is you, too.

hiii, it me!

In a world where the mainstream advice is “BE CONSISTENT.”

“Do x daily.”

“You’re a flake if you disappear off social media!!!”

I failed. Womp womp.

Or so I thought (for a while).

I would buy into this narrow (cough, patriarchal, cough) narrative and would beat myself up over it.

Like truly. I would make myself feel SO wrong for not being one of those people who pumped out content like a predictable machine every day at the perfectly aligned algorithm time of 9:52pm ET.

Cuz I was more like a Jekyll and Hyde. I’d get on the consistent train (choo choo!) and be riding it for a bit and then BYEYEEEYEYEYEEEE! See ya never!

Then I’d come back with a BURST of SOOOO MUCH CONTENT CRAZINESS.

And then nothing at all.

✦ Reflection for You

• When have you forced yourself into linear, masculine productivity…and paid for it?

• Where does your real rhythm actually want to take you?

Motherhood Turned the Inconsistency Way Up

In the throes of motherhood, I have never found myself MORE on the opposite ends of the spectrum (of creation mode vs BYE SEE YA NEVER AGAIN mode). And I had never felt more confused or frustrated with my creative work and purpose than in the past few years.

I am NOT knocking motherhood.

It’s one of the BEST things that’s ever happened to me.

Not just because I have two insanely cute, silly children that I love beyond words (and a third on the way)! But because it’s shaped me (more like broken me down, grinded me up, and spit me out) into the woman I am today. Aka the TRUEST version of me.

This version of me that has to be WAAAAY more discerning with how I spend my time and energy. (I’m currently typity-typing this at 9:48pm, which these days is LATE and I’m typically in bed…but I’m allowing myself 7 more min MAX to write…). Because unlike in my free frolicking maiden years, I don’t have endless hours in a day to twiddle my thumbs and create. And that’s a good thing!

It’s kind of nice to feel precious about how I’m using my resources. I know that if I’m spending the time, money, or energy, it’s probably because it’s important to me and/or feels really good and supportive. So yay!

✦ Reflection for You

• How has motherhood sharpened your discernment or changed your creative capacity?

• What did the “maiden you” expect you to be able to do that the “mother you” no longer has space (or desire) to uphold?

My Four-Year Initiation

I got pregnant in April of 2021. I had my daughter in January of 2022. Got pregnant again in May of 2023. Had a miscarriage in July of 2023. Got pregnant again in December of 2023. Had my son in August of 2024. And got pregnant again in September of 2025 with our baby girl due in June of 2026.

Obviously all of this is a WILD journey in itself. Just the physical experience of it is LE WHOA. But mix in the emotional, mental, identity, hormonal, spiritual sides…And DAMN. It’s a doozy.

After having my daughter my identity went through the WRINGER. A year postpartum I shut down my 7-figure coaching certification business and was left in the liminal waters of who the eff am I beyond my fancy shmancy titles and certifications. Turns out, I had no freaking clue.

I really leaned heavily on my “successful” persona to be liked and “cool”. And without it, I felt like a naked awkward duck.

Not to mention, the ROLLERCOASTER of my energy and therefore creativity was beyond anything I had ever experienced.

In the zoomed in micro view I felt like a complete mess shit show. Instead of giving myself permission to be human—or…cyclical—I kept thinking I was the problem.

But…zooming out into the macro view of the past 4+ years, I can see that it all followed a VERY predictable pattern. HA!

Turns out I’m not broken…I’m a brilliant WOMAN being (and you are too!).

With each pregnancy and postpartum experience, I’ve gained even more trust in the process and the knowing that I will find myself (again).

✦ Reflection for You

• If you zoomed out on the last 1–5 years of your life, what patterns or cycles do you see that you missed in real time?

• What identities did you shed—willingly or unwillingly—when you became a mother? And what new (maybe even more true!) identities did that shedding make space for?

The Pattern (AKA: The Cyclical Mother’s Creative Spiral)

Here’s the juicy part—the creative pattern revealed I wasn’t inconsistent…just seasonal 🍂

My pattern seems to go a lil something like this…

PRE-PREGNANCY-5 WEEK PREGGY:

• Creativity is at a HIGH. I have an INCREDIBLE idea for a whoooole new business (or how to revamp my existing business completely). I set out to change the world!!! And I basically do, I execute like a mofo and birth something really cool…only to enter…

6-13 WEEKS PREGGY:

• LOLOLOL. I have ZERO energy. There is NO way I can sustain the momentum I created and that brilliant idea that launched? SMELL YA LATER! Must’ve been a completely different Lexi who had that idea. Cuz the only ideas I have are fantasizing about when I can lay down next and what fantasy romance world can help numb me from this debilitating nausea.

13-27 WEEKS PREGGY:

• Oh baby! I’m starting to feel the sparks of ME and my genius again. WOW, that feels fucking GOOD. Hello old friend, remember me?!

• Ok…energy is online…but where are my ideas?! I MUST CAPITALIZE ON THEM WHILE I HAVE THE ENERGY.

• I come up with an idea and I flyyyy!!!!

27-35 WEEK PREGGY:

• The reality that I’m about to birth a baby hits a bit harder. I start to panic. Things feel soooo good and flowy right now…but I know I’m gonna slow down. Ugh! How can I plan and prepare for this?!

35-40+ WEEKS PREGGY:

• Ha ha ha. Why would I ever want to run a business? Nesting and prepping for baby and chilling and being with my loved ones is where it’s at. I think I’ll be a SAHM from now on.

BIRTH-4 WEEKS POSTPARTUM:

• It’s allllll a blur. We are in survival mode. No thoughts or cares about creativity.

4-8 WEEKS POSTPARTUM:

• Mmm I’m starting to remember what being a human feels like. I think I just want to be a human. Nothing else. Let me enjoy this a bit longer…

8-16 WEEKS POSTPARTUM:

• Ok…I’m getting antsy, I want to FEEEL the whoosh and swoosh of stimulation and ideation! But realistically I need a zillion more hours of sleep and have this cute lil boob sucker on me constantly, so I’ll just enter dream land and fantasize about what I could do in the future…

BEYOND:

• Then beyond that…I get an idea again, go balls to the walls with it…and then the kids and I get sick.

• That stops me in my tracks.

• I slowly get energy again and feel deep gratitude for health and enjoy being a human.

• I get a hit of inspo again…I follow it.

• Life happens again and I need to pause.

✦ Reflection for You

• Which of these pregnancy/postpartum moments are you in right now—or which one feels most familiar?

• If these don’t reflect your sitch, what are pieces of your pattern?

• Where do you feel the most resistance in this pattern? Where do you feel the most relief?

The Seasons (NOT Failures) of Motherhood

Idk about you, I would always describe the rhythm of motherhood as an inevitable, unstoppable START. STOP. START. STOP.

THIS RYTHM DROVE ME EFFING CRAZZZYYYYYY—especially with my first when I was NOT used to anyone else dictating my life. With my second I came to expect it, so it wasn’t as much of a shock. And with my third? We’ll see!

But! What I now know (and appreciate) is…

As mothers. As cyclical creatures…we cannot create the same type of businesses or pursue our creative desires in the same way we did in our maidenhood. Or in the way the marketing bros out there are doing.

And that’s totally OK!!!

Sure, it requires some adjusting. But it’s not a sentence to the END OF IT ALL. No effing way.

We STILL get to be MOTHER & ________ all the damn things we desire. It’s just gonna look a bit different now.

As cyclical creatures, we move and create in SEASONS!

Aka we’re beautiful beasts of nature so we’re just doing what nature does. HELLO PERMISSION SLIP!

Every season has a purpose and a vibe. None is better than any others. Sure, you might have a personal preference or have a season that feels most you, but really, you’re ALL of them.

And when you can understand each season and embrace its magic, SO MUCH frees up. There’s less of a struggle and fight and more of a surrender and flow. Of course it’s not all rainbows and butterflies, but I do think it makes way for so much more compassion and trust.

✦ Reflection for You

• Where in your life are you still expecting yourself to operate like a maiden or a bro—linear, predictable, and endlessly available? (And is that expectation even remotely realistic…or kind…or what you TRULY desire?)

• What are you afraid will happen if you stop trying to be consistent and start honoring your cyclical nature instead?

• What does “MOTHER & ________” mean for you in this exact chapter of your life? (Without comparing it to who you were before kids…or who all da Instagram influencers tell you you should be.)

A Quickie Guide To The Seasons

Your motherhood seasons might take on qualities and textures verrrrry different than the ones I’m sharing below. But as a general guide, here’s what each season might look/feel like for you!

SPRING — The Reawakening

Energy returning. Ideas sprouting. Libido flickering back to life. The “ohhh there she is” moment.

This is the season where you suddenly remember you’re not just a milk machine or snack concierge. Your brain clicks on. Your creativity tingles. You feel the first spark of me-ness again.

Looks like:

• New ideas

• Desire to organize, plan, create

• Playfulness with your partner or kids

• A tiny bit more capacity

Shadow: Overestimating your energy + trying to do everything at once.

Reflection:
Where do I feel the first sparks of aliveness trying to come through? …and do I want to follow through on them in “Summer”?

SUMMER — The Expansion

High energy (for now). Full bloom. Creativity ON FIRE. Mama is vibing.

This is your “I could run a small country” season. You feel capable, magnetic, generous. Your ideas overflow. You actually believe in your dreams again…and you’re making them happen left, right, and center!!

Looks like:

• Projects take shape

• Social energy increases

• You initiate more

• Your power and magic feel ALIIIIIIVE

Shadow: Burnout risk. Thinking this season is supposed to last forever.

Reflection:
Where can I ride the wave without trying to turn it into a lifestyle? Aka how can I capitalize on the energy and momentum of this seasons WITHOUT expecting it to last and be like this forever and ever, amen?

AUTUMN — The Descent

Discernment. Slowing. The truth rising. Preparing to let go.

This is where you feel yourself pulling inward. Your tolerance for bullshit drops to zero. You’re editing your life, your friendships, your commitments. You feel the need to prepare, nest, and tighten boundaries.

Looks like:

• Wanting more structure, clarity, solitude

• Reassessing everything (ha…help…)

• Reorganizing the house, the apps, the plans

• Feeling a little less social, a little more tender

Shadow: Feeling “lazy” or “unproductive” because you’re not as outward-facing.

Reflection:
What wants to be simplified or released so I can breathe?

WINTER — The Cocoon

The deep pause. Rest. Integration. Going subterranean (byeeee).

Winter is not the problem. Winter is the WISDOM. This is the postpartum of the creative cycle. The time when you can’t force clarity, ideas, or energy (even if you wanted to) because your body is metabolizing everything you’ve lived.

Looks like:

• Low energy

• Needing extra help, extra sleep, extra softness, extra TLC!

• Feeling foggy or uninspired

• Being “just a human” (which for multidimensional magical women can feel weird, but it’s perfect! we gotta love our human!)

Shadow: Shame for not “doing enough,” comparing yourself to people in their spring or summer seasons, especially.

Reflection:
What do I need to let myself fully be here without making it wrong? And how could being in this space actually be SUCH A FREAKING GIFT?!

✦ More Reflections for You

• What season are you in right now—energetically, emotionally, creatively? Vs. what season do you find yourself wanting to be in?

• If your season had a message for you right now, what would it be asking? (Rest? Play? Boundaries? Creativity? Support? Permission to be human?)

• How would your life feel (and maybe even change) if you trusted that every season eventually shifts—and none of them define you forever?

Okidokeyyyy! That’s all for meow. I hope this journal entry made you feel a little less alone and like maaaaybe you’re not failing and maaaaybe you’re just a perfectly wildly feminine being!

I’d love love LOVE to hear what this brought up for you and what was sparked in any of the “reflection” prompts.

Also…what season are you in??? Whether you wanna name it “fall” or “feral survival mode”…tell me! I looove hearing!!

The cyclical, sacred, ever-shapeshifting creature in me witnesses and honors the cyclical, sacred, ever-shapeshifting creature in you <3 xoxoxo