From The Diary of A Mother & Creative Maniac Gremlin Trying To Find Her *THING*
A very rando and unhinged look inside my brain and phone photos + screenshots.
Dear glorious reader,
I present you with a diary entry straight from my personal Notion. You’ve been warned. 😈
Meow meow meow.
I feel very stuck on my direction and what I want to do…with my life?? That feels soOoO existential. But here we are 💅🏻
Yes, it’s day 1 of 2nd Trimester and here I am wanting to feel the fiiiiire! Feel the productivity! THE PASSION, THE ALIVENESS!
And…I’m still a bit tired.
I’m stressing because I did a 72-hour holter monitor a few weeks ago because of heart palpitations I was experiencing…and my doctor messaged asking if we could go over the results in 2 days time…and I’m like, “WHAT ARE THE DAMN RESULTS?” Ugh.
For the past 13+ years I’ve been trying to find my thing.
And then I get a hit. And I become a maniac.
Lost in the vortex of creation.
And it feels so fucking good.
To become ALL CONSUMED by something.
That I can barely sleep because ideas are buzzing and zinging.
OOOH THE ALIVENESS IS ADDICTING.
And then…once it’s created.
Blah.
Bored.
Over it. BYYYYEEEE.
It’s almost like I hit a wall of burnout. Where I just don’t give a fuck about creating anyyything.
I want to…but I just don’t.
So I laze around. Pick up a new romantasy novel and then get lost in that world.
And I wonder why the hell I ever wanted to work and be productive when I could be part of potions, and spells, and steamy fae love making and all the things.
Eventually, the excitement of the new book series wears off and I come back to the real world.
And only want to do real world things!
I love people. I love mothering. I love house stuff. I love the mundane and infusing magic into.
Oh my! How could I have forgotten how great real life is?!
And then…I get inspired again and lost to an idea and the cycle repeats.
Maybe it’s a creative person thing? Maybe it’s an ADHD thing? IDK.
Whatever it is is, it feels annoying AF because I just want a THING. That feels like MINE. That people know me for and say, “OOOOH LEXI IS YOUR GIRL!”
But nope nope nope I am the Jill of all trades. And that’s cool. But errrrghhhhuhghghghghghgh.
Sometimes I just want my one thing, ya know?!
Do you know? Or am I alone in my mania??!
Here are some recent screenshots/ photos from my camera roll to show you my randomness. I don’t really know why I’m showing you these, but hey, here I am! 😂
Recent reads. LOVED the Riftborne + Ascended worlds. Read Riftborne first!! I was honestly kinda over it most of book one…but hang in there, folks! I’m tellin’ ya! The Twisted Sisters (authors of Zodiac Academy, Dark Fae, Darkmore Penitentiary) write stories unlike anyone else. Not in a, “OMG THIS IS GENIUS" kind of way. But it’s interesting and entertaining AF. And some of the characters are so absurdly hilarious. Iron & Embers is a magical school setting, which I’m an absolute sucker for. The Harry Potter lover in me just can’t help but get swept away in ‘em.
My face. Lolz. My eyes were so effing itchy and I was so uncomfy so I was just capturing it. We either have a mold problem in our home or I’m allergic to our dogs…or both. It’s a whole thing. Send help, plz.
My Human Design chart. Because ya know, as a perpetual seeker I’m constantly trying to learn more about myself (and get answers). So I bought the Projector Playbook by Amy Lea.
Interior design porn. Gawwwwd I love looking at pictures of pretty homes! I’m wildly effected by my environment and so gorgey aesthetics are legit healing and medicinal to me. We’re in the midst of preparing for a new home (lotssss more on this soon) so I’m looking at all the inspo I can!
Someone shared they used this book to help their kids learn to read. I have yet to buy it or try it, but as a mom I feel like I’m constantly saving and screenshotting things I may want/need for the future. The amount of mental tabs we keep open for our kiddies alone is LE WHOA. Am I right?
Immune boosters. Took this screenshot of my friend Amy’s story because we have been sick for nearly three months straight and are FINALLY HEALTHY over here. Before I saw her story I’ve been using the Beekeeper’s Naturals Propolis Immune Support for a couple of weeks and idk if it’s that or luck but even with travel and being around some sick kids it’s kept me healthy!
Cookbook recipes from Aggie’s “Biohack Your Pregnancy” course. They all look so yummy and doable even with my many food modification requirements. I’m calling in a personal chef so I can have healthy meals made for me and my fam. It’s been hard to find here in Bermuda, so if you know anyone, holler at me please!
Workout vids. Also from Aggies’s “Biohack Your Pregnancy” course. I did my first workout in moooonths yesterday. It was a quickie but I’m feeling it. And so grateful to get my body moving and grooving again!
More health + peptide shiz. My friend Alexa has been ravin’ about peptides and I’m seeing more and more peeps talking about them. Since I’m preggy I can’t try them myself right now, but I’m creepin’ on everyone talking about them and uber curious.
Brunchin’ with my little bestie. We spent 5 nights in a hotel because of the potential mold sitch in our current rental in Bermuda. And Aisy girl loved the hotel life haha. Don’t blame her!
Aisy’s photography of me + Drakey. Had lots of slumber party vibes going on in our hotel room and Aisy was having fun capturing some moments.
Ok, this was a bit unhinged and rando, but that’s how I used to write and roll when I wasn’t overthinking anything. So I decided to give it a go again!
Let me know your thoughts, feels, questions, curiosities, etc!
Xx Lex