Let me paint you a picture.

You’re hanging out at the playground with your kiddies. And other kiddies and parents are allll over. You are technically surrounded. And technically, not alone.

And yet…

There is this aching, persistent feeling of being completely invisible Of going through the motions. Of nobody—not really, not fully—seeing what’s actually happening inside of you right now. Of feeling wildly and completely alone.

And while this seems kinda ridiculous, it’s not.

You are a mother living in the loneliest era of motherhood in all of human history. And your nervous system is desperately, biologically, and urgently CRAVING something that modern life has almost entirely stripped away from us.

The village.

And I know, I know. Everyone and their mom talks about it.

But I’m not talking about it as this cutesy, trendy topic. I’m talking about it as a literal, physiological need that your body was wired for long before you ever became a mother.

the science of “tend and befriend”

You’ve probably heard of fight or flight. The stress response. The thing that kicks in when your body perceives a threat and floods you with cortisol and adrenaline so you can either punch something or run away from it.

But guess what? That research was conducted almost exclusively on men. SHOCKER.

For decades, the stress response was studied in male subjects—male animals and male humans—and the findings were presented as universal. As just...how humans work under stress.

But then in 2000, a UCLA researcher named Dr. Shelley Taylor published something that changed everything.

She noticed that women under stress don’t just fight or flee.

They tend and befriend.

When women experience stress, their bodies release oxytocin—the bonding hormone —alongside cortisol. And that oxytocin doesn’t just make them feel warm and fuzzy. It actively drives them toward other women. It compels connection and makes them want to gather, talk, be witnessed, and witness others.

So when you’re feeling uber stressed and feel the desire to connect with someone who really GETS IT, it’s not you being “too emotional” or “too needy” or whatever else you’ve been told about your need for deep connection.

This is your BIOLOGY. This is your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do.

When women actually respond to that drive…when they connect with other women, when they talk it out, when they gather…their cortisol levels drop, their stress response regulates, and their nervous system literally calms down in a way that isolation just can’t replicate.

SO, repeat after me, “Connection is not a luxury for women. It is a physiological NEED!”

we were never meant to do this alone

Go back far enough in human history—like, waaay back—and you’ll find something really interesting.

Mothers didn’t raise children alone.

Not even close. The idea of one woman, in one house, primarily responsible for the raising of her children with minimal support from her wider community was UNHEARD of. That is a brand spankin’ new invention and a blip on the timeline of human existence.

For most of human history, across most cultures on earth, motherhood happened inside of a village. Women raised children together. They shared the labor, the knowledge, the feeding, and the holding. Elder women passed wisdom to younger women. Children were watched and held by many hands, not just two. And mothers had each other.

Not just for childcare logistics. For everything.

They processed births together. They grieved losses together. They navigated the identity shift of becoming a mother inside of a container of women who had already been through it, who could say I know, I know, I know. I’ve got you. They had ritual. They had ceremony. They had the kind of witnessed transformation that we now go through almost entirely alone, in the dark, wondering why the hell we feel like we’re losing our minds.

Anthropologists call this “alloparenting”—the practice of cooperative child-rearing across a community. And the research is crystal ball clear: it wasn’t just good for children. It was ESSENTIAL for mothers. The data shows that mothers in communities with strong social support networks have lower rates of postpartum depression, lower cortisol levels, higher reported wellbeing, and stronger attachment with their children. SIGN ME UP.

The village wasn’t a nice perk of ancient life. It was the entire operating system of motherhood. And then modernity came along and dismantled it almost entirely. Woof.

the loneliness epidemic nobody is talking about

Wanna know an insane in the membrane stat??

Chronic loneliness is as damaging to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

FIFTEEN CIGS A DAY!!

We have entire public health campaigns about smoking. We put warnings on packets. We tax cigarettes into oblivion. And yet the loneliness epidemic (which is affecting mothers at absolutely staggering rates) gets...what? A “self-care Sunday” post? A reminder to take a bubble bath?

I legit cannnotttt.

A 2020 survey found that over 60% of mothers reported feeling lonely on a regular basis. Over 60% (and that was before the pandemic made everything infinitely worse).

I know I touched upon this above, but I wanna be really clear about something: lonely doesn’t always mean alone. Some of the loneliest mothers I’ve ever spoken to are surrounded by people all day long. They have partners who love them. They have children who need them every second of every waking hour. They are never, ever alone.

And they are deeply, profoundly lonely.

Because there is a specific kind of loneliness that comes from not being truly SEEN. From going through one of the most significant identity transformations of your entire life—because that is what matrescence is, that is what motherhood IS—without a single person in your orbit who can hold the full complexity of what you’re experiencing.

Not the “I’m good, tired, you know how it is” version. The REAL version.

The version where you love your children so fiercely it physically hurts and you also sometimes grieve the woman you were before them. The version where you are exhausted and overwhelmed and occasionally furious and also so full of joy it makes you want to cry. The version that doesn’t fit neatly into any of the boxes society has given you for what a mother is supposed to feel.

THAT version. The one most of us carry around silently (and often shamefully) because we’re not sure there’s a safe place to put it.

what happens when women actually gather

I want to tell you about something I’ve witnessed when I gather with mothers. Because the science is one thing. But experiencing it happen in real time is another thing entirely.

There is a moment—and I’ve seen it happen over and over again—where a mama in circle says something out loud that she has never said to another human being. Something she’s been carrying in the swirls of her mind, maybe for months. Maybe for years. Something she was almost certain made her a bad mother, a broken woman, and/or a person who was fundamentally doing it allll wrong.

And she FINALLY says it!!!

The room goes quiet for just a second.

But then—every.single.time—someone else says oh my god, me too.

You can literally watch something shift in her body.

Her shoulders drop. She exhales. Her eyes fill up.

Because she has just experienced something that no amount of alone time, no bubble bath, and no journaling session can replicate…

She has been WITNESSED. And she has found out she is not alone.

That’s why one of my most fav sayings that I use inside our MILF & Tea mothers circles is “when we gather together as women and get really REAL, we move from shame to OMG, same!!”

This is what Dr. Brené Brown has spent her career researching and what she calls the core of human connection—the moment of me too. The moment where shame loses its power because it has been brought into the light and met with recognition instead of judgment.

This is what women’s circles have done for thousands of years across virtually every culture on earth. Long before we had the research to explain why it works, women knew intuitively that gathering mattered. That sitting in circle together, sharing, witnessing, and being witnessed was not indulgent. It was ESSENTIAL.

The Yoruba people of West Africa have egbe—women’s societies that supported mothers through every transition of life. Indigenous cultures across North America held women’s circles as sacred space. Ancient Greek women gathered in thiasos—ritual communities of women who supported each other through life’s passages. Medieval European women had guilds. Celtic women had their bean feasa—women of wisdom who held the community together. And on and on.

This is not a new idea. This is actually the oldest idea. We just forgot it somewhere in the middle of building a world that told us we should be able to do everything alone.

belonging is not optional

Here’s something else the research tells us that I think about all the damn time.

Belonging (aka the felt sense of being truly seen, accepted, and part of a community) is not a nice-to-have for human beings. It is a fundamental psychological need, right up there with food and shelter in Maslow’s hierarchy. Without it, we don’t just feel sad. We actually don’t function as well. Our cognition suffers. Our immune system suffers. And our capacity for joy suffers.

And mothers (who are already navigating a profound identity shift, running on depleted resources, and shouldering an invisible load that goes largely unacknowledged) are among the people MOST in need of genuine belonging.

And not the performative, “we all love our kids so much!!” moms group kind where everyone is presenting their best self and nobody is telling the truth.

The REAL kind. The kind where you can walk in as you actually are—exhausted, confused, messy, luminous, complicated, celebratory, whole—and be met with recognition and love.

The kind where someone looks at you and says I see you. The real you. Not the highlight reel. You!!

That kind of belonging doesn’t just feel good. It is genuinely, measurably healing. Research from the University of Michigan found that even brief, meaningful social connection can restore cognitive function and improve executive decision-making in stressed individuals. And a Harvard study that tracked people for over 80 years found that the quality of our relationships is the single greatest predictor of health, happiness, and longevity—not wealth, social status, or achievement.

The quality of our relationships.

And yet…here we are raising a generation of mothers in conditions of profound relational poverty. Surrounded by connection opportunities that are a mile wide and an inch deep. With surfacey Instagram followers and Facebook groups and WhatsApp chats and absolutely nowhere to actually tell the truth.

this is why I built MILF & Tea

As convincing as the research is, that’s not why I birthed MILF & Tea. I birthed it because I felt the aching absence of it in my own body.

I know what it feels like to be a mother who loves her life and loves her kids and still has this ache of but does anyone actually SEE me right now? I created it because I’ve sat in enough circles to know that the moment a mama stops performing “fine” and starts telling the truth, something magic and ancient and deeply profound happens.

I created it because we are living in a moment where matrescence (the profound identity transformation of becoming a mother) is finally starting to get named and acknowledged and talked about.

And I believe that transformation deserves to happen inside of a love-filled container. With witnesses. With women who get it. With the kind of community that your nervous system has been aching for since the moment you became a mother (and probably long before).

MILF & Tea is a mothers circle (virtual and IRL in Bermuda) where we actually check in for real. Not the “I’m good, tired, you know how it is” version. The real version. We go deep. We tell the truth. We witness each other. We leave feeling more like ourselves than when we arrived.

It’s the kind of space that your tend-and-befriend nervous system has been desperately searching for. The kind that our great-great-grandmothers had built into the fabric of their lives without even thinking about it. The kind that the research (every single fiber inside of you) already knows you need.

And the first session is completely free (our next one is THIS Friday, March 13th at 12pm ET).

DM me “MILF & TEA” on Instagram @lexidangelo and I’ll send you all the deets.

you were not meant to do this alone

I want to end with this because I think it’s the most important thing I’ve said in this entire piece…

The fact that you are struggling…

The fact that you feel depleted or invisible or lonely or like you’ve lost some essential part of yourself in the becoming of a mother…

Is NOT evidence that you are doing motherhood wrong.

It is evidence that you are doing motherhood without the village that was always supposed to be there.

You were designed for community. Your nervous system was literally built for it. The tend-and-befriend response, the oxytocin, the thousands of years of women gathering together in circle…all of it is pointing to the same truth…

You were never meant to do this alone.

And you don’t have to. 🖤

If something in this landed for you—come find us. MILF & Tea is a mothers circle for the full-range, multidimensional mama who is doing ALL the things and quietly wondering where SHE went in the process. Real check-ins. Honest conversation. A lil ritual. Deep connection. The kind of space most of us didn’t know we were starving for until we walked into it.

First session is completely free. DM me “MILF & TEA” on Instagram @lexidangelo and I’ll send you all the deets. Can’t wait to see you there.

Let me guess…

You became a mom and something shifted. (Yeah, duhhh, Lexi).

But not just your schedule, not just your body, not just your relationship or your career or your social life—although ALL of those too.

Something deeper and harder to name though,

You looked in the mirror one day and didn’t quite recognize the woman looking back. Maybe in a totally dramatic, crisis-level way. Or maybe in this quiet, disorienting, when the eff did that happen kind of way.

You love your kids. That part is not in question—it’s actually almost embarrassingly NOT in question, because you love them sooo much it physically HURTS sometimes.

And also. Also!! You feel like you’re disappearing. You feel like the woman you were before—the one with her own thoughts and desires and a sense of herself that didn’t depend entirely on whether everyone in her house was fed and regulated and okay—she’s somewhere under all of this. You can feel her. But you can’t quiiiite reach her.

And nobody told you this was coming. Nobody sat you down before the baby arrived and said, heyyyy, by the way, this is going to crack you open at an identity level. You are going to go through one of the most significant developmental transformations of your entire life. You will not be the same person on the other side. And while it will feel like a HUGE problem. It’s actually NOT a problem (although society will probs make you feel that way). It’s actually the ENTIRE point.

Nobody said that.

And maybe like I was, you’re left feeling like WTF???

Because instead you got a registry checklist and a hospital bag packing list and approximately forty million recommendations for baby swaddles (but then you realized, WAIT, we’re not swaddling these days!!!).

So you figured it had to be YOU. Your anxiety, maybe. Your inability to adapt. Your ingratitude—because look at this beautiful life, look at these beautiful children, what is wrong with you that you’re sitting in your car/shower/grocery store aisle/[insert your location of choice] uncontrollably crying at 2pm on a Tuesday?

Nothing is wrong with you.

You’re in the throes of MATRESCENCE.

And knowing that changes everything.

The Word That Disappeared For Fifty(!!!) Years

In 1973, an anthropologist named Dana Raphael coined a term: matrescence.

She meant it to describe the physical, psychological, and social transition a woman goes through when she becomes a mother. The developmental process—because that’s what it is, a process, not a one-and-done event—of being REMADE by motherhood.

She published it, and then, for about fifty years, it largely disappeared from mainstream conversation.

It took until 2017—2017!!!!!!!— for a reproductive psychiatrist named Dr. Alexandra Sacks to write about it in the New York Times and bring it back into cultural consciousness. To say, yessss bitches, this is real, this has a name, and the fact that we stopped talking about it has been costing women ENORMOUSLY.

Think about that for a moment. We HAD a word for this. We knew this experience was real and significant enough to name. And then we quietly shelved it while continuing to send women through one of the most profound transformations of their lives with zero framework, zero ritual, and zero cultural acknowledgment.

Ughhh, even just typing this out right now makes my BLOOD BOIL.

Because OF COURSE, we have an entire vocabulary for adolescence. Coming of age stories, rites of passage, and cultural ceremonies across virtually every human society—because we understood that when a child transitions into an adult, something enormous is happening and it deserves to be witnessed and held.

And yet the woman who transitions into a mother? We hand her a casserole, tell her to sleep when the baby sleeps, and get quietly uncomfortable when she seems less than thrilled about every moment of it.

HAAA.

The fact that this word existed, buuuut we chose not to use it is not an accident—like at ALL.

But we’ll get to that in a bit…

What’s Actually Happening In Your Brain And Body

Here is the part where I need you to really hear this, because I think it might be the most validating thing anyone has ever said to you about motherhood…

Your brain changes shape when you become a mother.

Not metaphorically. LITERALLLLLY (neurologically).

Research published in Nature Neuroscience found that pregnancy causes significant gray matter changes in the brain—reductions in volume in specific regions associated with social cognition and the ability to understand and respond to others’ mental states. This is not deterioration, k?

This is specialization. Your brain is literally restructuring itself to attune more deeply to your baby, to read their needs, and to respond to their cues with a sensitivity that wasn’t there before.

You didn’t get dumber. Farrrr from it.

But you did get…different.

And then there’s the hormonal upheaval—the dramatic shifts in estrogen, progesterone, oxytocin, cortisol—that make the postpartum period one of the most chemically turbulent of a woman’s life. Bigger hormonal swings than puberty. Bigger than menopause. Your entire internal chemistry is recalibrating (although maybe it feels a bit more like swinging around like the wrecking ball in a Miley Cyrus music vid).

And then there’s the neurological rewiring that comes from the experience itself—from the sleep deprivation, the hypervigilance, the constant demand on your nervous system, the learning curve of keeping a human alive. Your threat detection system is on HIGH ALERT in a way it has never been before. Your capacity for empathy is expanded in ways that can feel both profound and completely overwhelming.

You are not the same person you were before. That is not a feeling. It is a physiological FACT.

So when you say I don’t recognize myself—well yeah, no shit! The self you knew before has been genuinely, measurably, and neurologically altered. The disorientation you feel is not weakness. It is not ingratitude. It is the accurate perception of a woman who is in the middle of a biological and psychological transformation of enormous magnitude.

Knowing this doesn’t make it easier, necessarily. But it makes it make sense. And sense—after months or years of quietly wondering what is wrong with you—is not nothing. Sense is everrrrything.

Why Nobody Told You—And Who That Serves

Let’s get a lil spicy here. Because I think the disappearance of this word—and the cultural silence around matrescence—is absofuckinglutely worth interrogating.

Here is what I keep coming back to—a woman who understands her own transformation is a woman who has a framework for her experience. She has language for her grief, her rage, and her disorientation. She can say this is matrescence instead of something is wrong with me *cuuuuue blame and shame spiral*. She can locate herself inside a process instead of feeling like she’s failing at a role.

A woman who understands her transformation is harder to gaslight.

She’s harder to convince that her needs are too much, that her anger is a character flaw, that her desire for more is selfishness, and that her grief is ingratitude. She’s harder to keep small and compliant and too exhausted to ask for better.

And a culture that needs mothers to keep running on empty—to keep performing selflessness, to keep saying I’m fineeee (when they so AREN’T) and to keep centering everyone else’s needs at the cost of their own aliveness—that culture is not well-served by women who have language for what’s happening to them.

I’m not saying there was a meeting of minds that decided to put this word underground (although…I’m not not saying that). I’m saying the incentives are clear.

We have built an entire infrastructure of support around the baby’s development—infant sleep consultants, postpartum doulas, lactation specialists, developmental pediatricians, sensory play curriculums, mommy and me everything. And I am genuinely, completely here for all of it. THANK THE LORDYYY those things exist!!

But who is building the infrastructure for the mother’s development?

Who is holding space for her transformation?

Who is saying what is happening to YOU right now is also significant, also worthy of attention, also deserving of a framework and a ritual and a community and a name??

Not enough people. Not nearly enough.

The Myth That Holds It All

Here is where I’m going to ask you to come with me somewhere a little older, a little deeper.

Because I think the most useful container I’ve found for the matrescence experience isn’t a scientific framework. It’s a story. A myth, actually. One that is over four thousand years old and somehow maps onto the modern mother’s experience with an accuracy that makes the hair on my arms stand up every time.

It’s the story of Inanna.

Inanna is a Sumerian goddess—powerful, radiant, the Queen of Heaven and Earth. And at the height of her power, she decides to descend into the underworld to visit her sister Ereshkigal, the Queen of the Great Below.

At each of the seven gates she passes through on her descent, she is required to surrender something. Her crown. Her robes. Her jewels. Her measuring rod. Her power. One by one, at each gate, everything she has used to show up in the world — every symbol of her identity, every armor, every adornment—is stripped away. She cannot pass through the gate carrying who she was. She must leave it at the door.

She arrives in the underworld naked. Brought to her knees. Everything false removed. Everything performative gone. Everything she was before—the identity, the power, the role—completelyyy surrendered.

And then she returns. NOT as who she was. As something more real. More essential. More herself than she had ever been—because now there is nothing left that isn’t genuinely, authentically, irreducibly her.

OOOPH. Let that last sentence sink in one more (or a zillion more) times…

More herself than she had ever been—because now there is nothing left that isn’t genuinely, authentically, irreducibly her.

THAT!! is matrescence.

Not the loss of self. The stripping of everything that was never really self to begin with. The performance. The armor. The version of you built for other people’s comfort and expectations. The identity assembled before you knew who you actually were.

Motherhood doesn’t take you from yourself. It takes you to yourself—and yeah, okay, through the most disorienting, demanding, identity-obliterating route imaginable. GULP.

But I begggg you to realize that you are NOT lost. You are simply mid-descent.

The gates are real. The stripping is real. The nakedness and the disorientation and the not-knowing-who-you-are-anymore—allllll of it real, all of it part of the process, all of it exactly what is supposed to be happening.

And the return? It’s coming. It always comes. In fact, if you look closely enough for the clues, you may even see that it’s already here.

But the return requires the descent first. You cannot skip the gates. You cannot keep your crown and still come back transformed. That’s not how the myth works. That’s not how matrescence works.

What It Means For You—Right Now

So here you are. Maybe you’re six weeks postpartum. Maybe you’re three years in. Maybe your youngest just went off to college and you’re standing in a quiet house for the first time in years wondering who you are when nobody needs anything from you.

Wherever you are—this is what matrescence means for you right now:

The disorientation you feel is not a malfunction. It is the accurate experience of a woman in transformation.

The grief you feel—for the woman you were, for the freedom you had, for the parts of yourself that went quiet—is not you being ungrateful. It is the real cost of a real transition, and it deserves to be felt, not bypassed.

The rage you feel—at the invisible load, at the unequal distribution of labor, at the culture that handed you this enormous transformation and then looked the other way —is not a character flaw. It’s hot flaminnn POTENT information that is pointing at something true. So ask yourself—what is it trying to tell me? Maybe that I’ve been denying or trying to disregard?

The desire you feel—for more, for yourself, for a life that feels fully inhabited and not just managed—is not selfishness. FAR from it. It is the part of you that survived the descent and is ready to return. And tor return as her FULL-RANGE, MULTDIMENSIONAL SELF. This is your aliveness and life-source. THIS IS EVERYTHING!!

And the woman on the other side of this? She is not a diminished version of who you were. She is not a tired, hollowed-out, gave-everything-to-her-kids shadow of your former self.

She is what is left when everything false has been stripped away.

She is more real, more grounded, more herself than you have ever been.

She is the woman who went through the gates.

And she is already here, underneath all of this, waiting for you to remember her.

Why I’m Writing This

Because when I became a mom, I felt absolutely and totally lost and soul-crushed. I had no framework for what was happening to me.

I felt alone. I felt like something was wrong with me. I felt the grief and the rage and the disorientation and the wild, ferocious love all at the same time and I had nowhere to put any of it.

And then inside of a mothers circle, I found the word matresence and the myth of Inanna. And something in me exhaled for the first time in a long time.

I want that exhale for every mother who is mid-descent and doesn’t know it.

MILF & Tea is the space I built for that. A circle for mothers who are in the middle of becoming something they don’t have words for yet. Where the matrescence is named and the grief is held and the rage is honored and the desire is welcomed and the whoooole, multidimensional, gloriously complicated woman underneath all of it gets to come home.

And if you’re sitting with the question who am I becoming through all of this?? You’re not in crisis—pinky promise!!

That is the most important question you could possibly be asking.

And if you want to be held in the process of matrescence, come find me!! You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Join us for a MILF & Tea Mothers Circle—the first one is totally free!!

xx, Lexi

Lexi D’Angelo is the founder of MILF & Tea Mothers Circle — a space for full-range, multidimensional mothers navigating the identity-shattering, soul-stretching transformation of motherhood. Virtual + IRL Bermuda.

DM @lexidangelo on Instagram for deets on our next session and to join.

Hey, hello, aloha!

I gotta say, I love Substack because I can use it as a landing place to share SO many of my ideas and frameworks that…

1. Were a highly coveted part of older programs/experiences that have since been retired.

2. Have never seen the light of day…BUT…got FULLY fleshed out in my Notion/Google docs (damn…if you could see the worlds and worlds of content I’ve created but have never released, idk if you’d be impressed or concerned 😅)

In the beginning of 2025, I decided to give the realm of relationship + intimacy coaching a go for maybe the third time in my coaching career. It was yummy and juicy and deeply fulfilling…but ultimately, not where my soul wanted to land publicly at the time.

In the process of figuring all this out, I created the Eros-Scope™ Quiz and a bangin’ framework called “The House of Eros.”

In honor of the month of LURVVVV, I decided to bring a lil bit of it back for you to enjoy.

Something I was/am very curious about is the concept of the “spark.” So many people say this is something that only exists at the beginning of a relationship, but from my own experience (+ those of my clients and colleagues), I don’t think that’s true….at all.

But before we go further…let’s pause for a sec.

I want you to check in with yourself…

• What do you define as “spark?”

• How do you know the spark is there?

• What do you feel/experience/see?

• How do you know if the spark is “gone?”

• What you feel/experience/see?

The invisible architecture of love

Usually relationships (especially long-term ones) don’t lose the spark. They abandon rooms.

They start living in one or two places inside the relationship…and neglect the rest.

Every relationship lives inside an invisible structure.

I call it The House of Eros™.

The House of Eros™ is made of nine rooms: Five shared, three shadowed, and one sovereign.

Up until now, you’ve probs been trying to “work on your relationship” without knowing where you actually are inside it. That ends now.

Because when you know the House of Eros™—you stop guessing and you start feeding the rooms that feed your love. YUMMM.

SHARED ROOMS:

1. Foundation – Safety, partnership + co-functioning

2. Hearth – Emotional intimacy, truth-telling

3. Chamber – Erotic polarity, sex, desire, turn-on

4. Garden – Play, joy, affection, flirting

5. Temple – Devotion, shared vision, spiritual connection

SOVEREIGN ROOM:

6. Private Quarters – Self-connection + love, sovereignty, time apart

SHADOWED ROOMS:

7. Basement – Unspoken resentment, repression, survival mode

8. Attic – Fantasy, idealization, perfectionism

9. Outside – Avoidance, addiction, distraction, escape, numbing

Ok…now let’s explore them in greater depth. Not just what each room is—but what happens when you live there exclusively…or avoid it entirely. Plus, how you can use this map as a tool for deepening your relationship.

Read more

GUYS! Have you heard of a “Personal Curriculum/Personal Syllabus?!!!”

I don’t know how I’ve been in the dark to this trend up til now, because UMMM this feels like my ENTIRE PERSONALITY in a nutshell!

But alas, here we are. Enlightened at last.

So if you, like me, have yet to hear of it, or you’ve heard of it but you’re curious to explore it further (and in the most swoon-worthy, holy-shit-this-is-the-magic-my-soul-has-needed) way…

Then YOU’RE WELCOME. This is for you! Happy New Years, witches!

First let me just say I AM A NERD at heart. I FUCKING LOVE LEARNING. Call it the Sag in me or the eldest daughter/perfectionist/overachiever, idk. But I love it! Always have. (Hopefully) always will.

Ever since I was like 4 years old I was making and writing my own books, gathering my stuffed animals up for lessons where I would “teach” them (not sure what I was teaching, but obvi it was enthralling), and would read a zilllllion books for funsies.

Fast forward to my coaching career and the thing I got off on the most was creating the most transformational learning experiences and curriculums. So much so that I created an ENTIRE coaching certification school that I shit you not, was THE Hogwarts of the coaching world. Like I cannot even express to you the level of magic and the in-depth curriculum creation that went into it. (You can get a tiny taste into one of the MANY tools + techniques in this post.)

All this to say—I feel like creative, transformational, otherworldly curriculum curation is my JAM.

And you, my find little friend, get to be the peanut butter! Unless you’re allergic, you can be the fluff! Or whatever works for you.

I digress…

Part 1: WTF Is A Personal Curriculum/Syllabus?

Well, I supposedly it started out as a TikTok trend created by Elizabeth Jean (hello genius!).

Essentially, it’s a self-designed syllabus where YOU decide what you’re learning this month/season/year. You choose the subjects and you get to treat your life like the magical university you’ve always dreamed of attending. Omgggg I’m getting giddy and turned on already (just me? you too?)

If you’re not buzzin’ yet, you will be, so hang tight. I’ll show you how I’m creating my Personal Curriculum + how you can create one too.

Why I’m wettin’ my panties over this.

Because mainstream adulthood (as much as I try to pave my own path and veer away from the normies) is full of “shoulds” and pressure and “this is the way to be a grown up.” And BOOOO, I’m not here for it.

As someone who’s life force is fueled off of MEANING, AND MAGIC, AND MISCHIEF…I need more! And I bet you do too.

A Personal Curriculum puts you and your desires at the center (yes, plzzz) and adds some whimsy to the everyday. It allows you to follow whatever threads spark your heart’s interest—be it cooking, reading, art, language-learning, history, or wellness — without pressure to perform.

It adds a deeper layer of DEVOTION to your day that’s rooted in your one-of-a-kind curiosity and kink. It’s your declaration of, “UMM YES THIS IS WHAT I CHOOSE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THE MOST TRUE AND ALIVE VERSION OF ME!” (in this season, at least) ”…and then I’ll see what’s calling to me next.”

It’s basically a multi-hyphenate’s wet dream!

It can have a strong academic lean where it’s legit like creating a semester’s syllabus based on the school you want to attend. Or can it can be a bit more loosey goosey. The beauty of this is YOU get to choose and make it whatever you want and need it to be.

So…What Does a Personal Curriculum Actually Look Like?

Short answer: whatever the hell you want it to look like ;)

But I like to think of it like building your own mini-university for the season of life you’re in—with as little or as many core subjects as feels YUMMY and nourishing for you.

This is NOT meant to be another slew of things you add to do your to-do list or create pressure around needing to be “productive.” Ew, no thanks.

This is meant to be something that helps invoke more intentionality into your life and fills you up! I’m letting this be a container for curiosity, passion projects, and small experiments and experiences I want to make real.

If you think this is going to add more stress or comparisonitis, skip it! But if you feel drawn to it and curious about it, dive on in! You can always drop your “classes” without any ramifications. Win win!

We’ll go into the deets of what a Personal Curriculum consists of (Core Subjects, Core Topics, Electives, etc. in Part 3)

Part 2: Before You Even Build Your Curriculum…You Go Inward.

For me, a Personal Curriculum isn’t actually about what you learn. It’s about who you’re becoming while you learn.

So instead of just listing out a bunch of “subjects” on a whim, we’re gonna start with the self.

Aka the TRUEST version of you in this season.

So here’s where your curriculum actually begins:

Step 1: Ask yourself—how/what do I want to feel in this season of my life?

What do you want to feel pulsing through your days?

Aliveness? Depth? Play? Tenderness? A sense of “holy shit, I get to actually do THIS with my life?! COOOOL!” Joy? Certainty? Mystery? Vitality? Softness? Power? Belonging? Magic?

Whatever you want to feel will be the true north of your curriculum compass.

Step 2: What matters to me right now?

This is about your values—what is ACTUALLY important to you in this season?

Is it family? Creativity? Rest? Beauty? Mental health? Wonder? Slowness? Connection? A deeper relationship with your body? Reclaiming your identity? Walking through your days with more intention, less chaos?

These are the pillars your curriculum will be supported by.

Step 3: What would fill me up—not drain me—in this curriculum cycle?

Your curriculum should feel like MIND BODY SOUL NOURISHMENT.

Like, “Mmm yeahhh baby, give me more of THAT.”

Not, “Ugh, I need to do this thing that I said I’d do and if I don’t I’ll be a failure so I’m just doing it to do it.”

Ask yourself:

• What would actually add energy to my life?

• What would make me feel more me?

• What sounds luxurious to my nervous system?

• What would spark something ancient or dormant or delicious inside me?

• What would make me look forward to a Tuesday for no reason?

Step 4: What is the right size of container for my real life?

When creating your curriculum, how far out do you want to plan for?

A month? A Moon cycle? 90 days? A quarter?

The length of your container needs to match:

• how much bandwidth you actually have

• how your energy naturally moves

• whether you crave structure or spaciousness

• whether you want a cozy month-long experiment
  or a full-on seasonal metamorphosis

Choose the timeframe that your body says yessss to. Not your ego.

Step 5: What season of ME am I in? AND what season am I moving into?

After the above steps, this is a good check in and grounding step. Get real about where you’re at right now to make sure this is going to be supportive for the season you’re in and the season you’re moving into.

Where am I actually right now?
And where am I heading next?

Because your curriculum has to support both.

Maybe you’re:

• In the foggy wilds of first trimester, where nausea has replaced your personality, and the idea of “learning anything” feels absurd—but you know the second trimester glow (and energy) is somewhere up ahead.

• In your late second trimester, feeling that weird suspended-in-time sweetness… but you know the third trimester portal is coming, with its heaviness and nesting instincts and emotional tectonic shifts.

• Weeks postpartum, living inside the rawest initiation of your life, where everything feels full-on— and your curriculum needs to honor slowness, cocooning, and rebuilding your identity inch by inch.

• Parenting littles, where your days are chopped into tiny unpredictable increments of time—but you’re craving a sense of self and a flicker of adult aliveness…a pulse of something that belongs only to you.

• Deep in a season of reclaiming yourself after years of abandoning your needs.

• Or grieving.

• Or expanding.

• Or burning down what no longer fits.

• Or in that weird liminal middle place where everything matters and nothing is stable and you’re trying to make the mundane feel meaningful again.

Your curriculum should honor the season, NOT override it.

The curriculum for someone in a season of expansion looks nothing like the curriculum for someone in a season of survival.

The curriculum for postpartum softness is not the curriculum for high-energy, going to all the in-person events business-building.

Or maybe the curriculum for your bestie who is about to give birth is WAYYY different than yours. Even if you’re about to give birth too. Because you’re both your own wildly individual women! Le duh.

Ask yourself:

• What is true about my current season?

• What is the next season I’m heading into?

• What do I need to support the transition between the two?

• What can I actually hold?

• What would hold ME?

• What would feel enlivening, not exhausting?

This check-in saves you from overcommitting, under-nourishing, or creating a syllabus that belongs to a fantasy version of you instead of the woman living in your body right meow.

We don’t build a curriculum until we know what experience we’re trying to create inside ourselves.

Part 3: Design Your Personal Curriculum

Once these pieces feel clear, then we move to designing:

• core subjects

• core topics

• learning resources

• practices

• ritual touchpoints

• little delicious experiments

• “final projects”

• the whole Hogwarts experience

Core Subjects (aka your departments of study)

Think of Core Subjects as the departments at your magical university—the overarching fields that are shaping you right now. Or just the themes your soul is obsessed with right now.

2–4 Core Subjects is the sweet spot.

Some examples are:

• Mythology

• Creativity

• Relationships + Intimacy

• Health + Wellness

• Spirituality

• Motherhood

• Embodiment

• Interior design

• Village-building

• Storytelling

• Philosophy

• Psychology

• History

• Language

• Business

• Leadership

• Cultural studies

• Music

• Art

• Writing

• Whatever is lighting you up or piquing your curiosity!

Core Topics (your classes within each department)

If Core Subjects are the departments at your magical university, Core Topics are the actual classes you’re taking this term.

This is where things get a bit more specific!

Core Topics help focus your curiosity so your learning doesn’t feel scattered.

Each Core Subject usually has 2–5 Core Topics underneath it.

Examples

Core Subject: Mythology
Core Topics might include:

• Women’s empowerment in myths

• Goddess archetypes across cultures

• Maiden / Mother / Crone as lived identity

• Myth as a map for modern motherhood

• Personal mythology & meaning-making

Core Subject: Creativity
Core Topics might include:

• Creative writing

• Personal storytelling

• Writing as ritual

• Voice & expression

• Making art without monetizing it

Core Subject: Relationships + Intimacy
Core Topics might include:

• Emotional intimacy

• Erotic aliveness

• Communication & repair

• Attachment patterns

• Female friendships

Core Subject: Health + Wellness
Core Topics might include:

• Nervous system regulation

• Somatic safety

• Hormonal literacy

• Low-tox living

• Energy management for real life baddies (hey, it’s your class, you get to make up the title)

Core Subject: Spirituality
Core Topics might include:

• Ritual & ceremony

• Cyclical living

• Ancestral wisdom

• Prayer, devotion, or meditation

• Making meaning + magic in the mundane

Core Subject: Motherhood
Core Topics might include:

• Motherhood as initiation

• Postpartum identity shifts

• Mothering without self-erasure

• Co-parenting + partnership

• Self-care in motherhood

When people skip this distinction, they either:

• stay too vague (“I’m learning about wellness?”)

• or go too granular and burn out (“I must do 17 protocols and read 91 books…or else!!!”).

How to Choose Your Core Topics

Choose topics that feel:

• intriguing

• aliiiive

• slightly edgy

• emotionally or intellectually nourishing

NOT topics you think you should study. K?!

Check in:

• What questions am I actually living right now?

• What do I find myself Googling at 2am?

• What conversations do I wish I could have more of?

• What feels tender, unfinished, or exciting to explore?

You’ll know you’ve chosen well if your body feels a little spark of, “Oooh…yes. I’m soooul excite to spend my time doing that.”

You don’t have to engage with every topic equally. Some weeks one topic might take over. Other weeks you could ignore a whole subject entirely. Remember, your curriculum is alive and flexible and here to support YOU!

Electives (aka playgrounds and side quests!)

The lighter topics that you want to skim the surface of or make time for when life allows. You can think of them as doors in your magical university you can wander through when the energy is right.

There are probably a ZILLION things you’d love to add to your pleasure list of electives and I love that for you.

HOWEVER! This can easily turn into a never-ending task list and that is not the vibe.

So here’s the move:

• Keep a Master Electives List somewhere for future ideas

• But choose 3–5 electives per curriculum cycle

How Electives Relate to Core Subjects

Electives can echo your Core Subjects, but they don’t have to. They can be adjacent, supportive, or just purely deeeelightful.

For example:

• If Mythology is a Core Subject → tarot spreads, oracle cards, or seasonal rituals might feel extra yum

• If Creativity is a Core Subject → reading fiction again, attending local art exhibits, or doodling with no outcome

• If Health + Wellness is a Core Subject → cooking one new recipe a week or experimenting with herbal teas

• If Relationships + Intimacy is a Core Subject → pleasure reading, sensual movement, or listening to love songs

• If Motherhood is a Core Subject → cozy homemaking projects or reclaiming a personal hobby

Resources (aka how you want to learn)

Now that you’ve chosen your Core Subjects, Core Topics, and a handful of Electives, it’s time to decide how you want to learn.

This is juuust as important as choosing your Core Subjects!! Because learning that does match or support your system, your season, your lifestyle, etc. is going to feel YUCK.

So this is not about “what are the BEST resources out there?!” but → “what FEELS best for me to explore and learn about these subjects?!”

BIG DIFFERENCE.

I should also say, while it’s great to have a few resources picked out ahead of time, I find that the more you dive into your subject and topics, the more resources pop up!

Some examples:

Reading

• Books (nonfiction or fiction)

• Essays

• Substacks

• Articles

• Poetry

• Old journals

• Essays you’ve already bookmarked but never read

Listening

• Podcasts

• Audiobooks

• Audio courses

• Voice notes you’ve left yourself in the past but haven’t come back to (til meowww!)

• Recorded talks

• Music

Watching

• Documentaries

• YouTube deep dives

• Recorded workshops

• Lectures

• Interviews

• Films that align with your themes

• TV shows

Experiential + Embodied Learning

• Movement classes

• Somatic practices

• Breathwork

• Nervous system tools

• Creative play

• Time in nature

• Observation (yourself, others, the world)

Relational Learning

• Intentional conversations

• Circles or gatherings

• Mentorship

• Therapy or coaching

• Learning alongside a friend

How Many Resources Is Enough?

Your call! For one topic you might choose a smorgasbord of lil samplings. Like…

• one documentary

• a single podcast episode

• one book

• a substack post

• a mini course

OR one primary resource that carries the whole thing. Like…

• a TV show where the entire series is part of your curriculum

• a podcast you return to again and again

• a single teacher, mentor, or body of work you orbit

You do not need to consume every resource you choose. You’re allowed to abandon a book, stop halfway through a podcast, skim, come back later, and change your mind, And you can always add more to your resources.

Learning Flow and Course Load

This is where we decide how your curriculum lives inside your real days—not your fantasy schedule.

Learning flow = your rhythm.
Course load = your capacity.

Step 1: Name Your Natural Learning Rhythm

Ask yourself:

• What already works for me?

• When do I naturally have the most mental or creative energy?

• Do I learn best in short bursts or long immersions?

• Do I prefer structure, or do I need spaciousness?

• Am I in a season that wants consistency…or flexibility?

Some people thrive on:

• tiny daily touchpoints

• ambient learning (listening while doing other things)

• one longer weekly block

• “as inspired” exploration

Step 2: Decide Your Course Load

Now ask:

• How much time or energy do I realistically want to give this each week?

• Does this replace scroll time or my habit of x? Or am I adding something new into my calendar?

• What would feel nourishing, not burdensome?

Your course load might look like:

• 10–15 minutes a few times a week

• One hour once a week

• One or two small moments woven into daily life

• A loose, non-scheduled flow you dip into when it feels right

This is about choosing an amount that lets you stay in relationship with your curriculum without resentment!!

Final Project (optional but sexy)

This is absolutely NOT required (nothing is!), but it could be fun way to honor your experience and ground it in.

What a Final Project Is (and Isn’t)

A Final Project is:

• reflective

• personal, not polished or professional (hey, unless you want it to be!)

• meaningful to YOU

• about integration

It is not:

• homework

• a test

• something you have to share publicly

• proof that you “did it right”

If the idea of a Final Project feels heavy, SKIP IT!

You might have an idea in mind from the start, but often, the right Final Project emerges on its own as you move through the curriculum.

You may feel it when something clicks, a question resolves, or an identity shifts.

What a Final Project Could Look Like

Example 1: Core Subject — Mythology

Core Topic: Women’s empowerment in myths

Final Project: Your Personal Myth Rewrite

At the end of the cycle, you write (or voice note, or make a video, or whatevs) a short mythic retelling of your own life—past, present, or your becoming.

Maybeee you…

• name yourself as the heroine, witch, goddess, or wanderer

• identify the trials you’ve already survived

• name the power you reclaimed

• articulate the chapter you’re stepping into now

Example 2: Core Subject — Creativity

Core Topic: Creative expression without performance

Final Project: A New Creative Agreement

Your Final Project is rewriting the rules of your creative relationship.

At the end of the cycle, you share:

• how creativity has felt in the past (pressure, productivity, performance, monetization, proving)

• how you want creativity to feel now

• what you are no longer willing to do with or for your creativity

• what you are a HELL YES to protecting when it comes to your creativity

Example 3: Core Subject — Health + Wellness

Core Topic: Nervous system regulation

Final Project: A Personal Nervous System Map

At the end of the cycle, you create a simple map for yourself (maybe a note in your phone, or a visual drawing, or a Notion note) that answers:

• What helps regulate me when I’m overwhelmed?

• What dysregulates me fastest?

• What signals tell me I’m nearing capacity?

• What support actually works in this season of my life?

Final Projects can be something you create, name, or ritualize. They can be tiny but meaningful ways you live differently or a WHOLE new identity!

If choosing a “Final Project” feels like too much, maybe just taking a moment to ask yourself the following q’s could feel yummy…

• What did this subject stir in me?

• What did I learn?

• Where did I feel resistance?

• What changed in me because of this?

Ok!! TELL ME! Whatcha think about this?! What Core Subject(s) are you feeling pulled toward in this season? What q’s do you have as you imagine creating your own curriculum?

And…

If reading this lit something up but also made you think,
“Oh em gee, Lexiiii!! I love this…and while I could take a stab at this by myself, it would feel so yumalicious to have your support and holding…”

Well, yay! We can hippity hop on a Personal Curriculum Advisory call 😉

Think 50 juicy minutes of Hogwarts-meets-soul-coach energy—where I help you design your own magical university for the season you’re actually in (not the fantasy version of you with 17 free hours and zero dependents).

We’ll:
– distill what you’re craving into clear Core Subjects
– right-size your course load so it feels delicious, not draining
– and turn your curiosity into something you actually want to come back to

Use this link here! (It’s labeled as a Transformational Arts session, but just DM or email me and let me know you’re claiming it for Personal Curriculum sorcery, and we’ll make magic.)

Part 4: My Curriculum

Ok…sooooo do you want to know what my Personal Curriculum is?!!! Slash…has been (for a couple weeks now)?! I’m spilling allll the deets to my paid peeps because there’s some personal/top secret info here that I only feel ready to share with you supa dupa special babes! Here we go ;)

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I have a secret.

And I’ve hidden this secret for years.

Well…it went dormant for a while. But it’s resurged lately.

It feels really vulnerable to share, because it’s something I’ve kept close to my heart. So close that I only just let my husband fully in on it this past weekend. Eeep!

I mean, I’ve hinted and shared tidbits in the past…but I’ve been hiding how it’s been present and very alive for me lately.

I know when I share what it is, some of you will prob think it’s NBD. Or that it’s totally unsurprising. Especially given the nature of my Substack publications…especially Evervolve Academy.

But since I feel protective of it…and I’m not totally sure where it’s gonna go…I’m just sharing this with my paid peeps for now. Because you all feel like a safe space. Pssst—thank you!! You have no idea how much that means to me.

Ok…you ready?!!

Read more

We’re back and at it with another potent tool from the Transformational Arts Certification. I’ve got my peppermint bark matcha with peppermint cold foam in hand, and I’m ready to rock n roll, babiessss!

This one lives in the family of timeline work, a technique most commonly associated with NLP and other subconscious-change modalities.

As a reminder!

Paid subscribers get access to The Transformational Arts Vault, including:

• The complete Parallel Timeline Travel Method. Fully fleshed out and detailed below!

• A guided Parallel Timeline Travel audio experience. So you’re not just reading about parallel timelines…you’re actually traveling them and opening yourself up to a whole new reality.

• At least two deep-dive trainings every month
  These are the real methodologies from my former 7-figure certification school—
  the ones people paid $10K+ to learn—rewritten, upgraded, and delivered here for just $11/month.

• Behind-the-scenes stories, breakdowns, Q&A threads, rituals, and practices
  Ya know, the stuff I definitely don’t post on Instagram.

• Priority access to Transformational Arts Sessions. These have been selling like hot cakes!!! But I only take on 2 or so a week. Paid subscribers get first dibs—always.

• AND MORE! I’m always listening to what you want, what you’re craving, and what would make this the most YUMMMM, potent Substack home imaginable. So if you have ideas, curiosities, or desires—send ‘em my way.

Subscribe here & enter The Transformational Arts Vault…and get ready to welcome your most delicious becoming 💫

Subscribe now

Typically, timeline work is used to fix the past (heal the wound, reframe the memory, clean up the charge, yada yada) or design the future (visualize the goal, anchor the outcome, and make it real baby).

These can definitely be useful.

But you know me…I like to do things differently ;)

One of my fav ways to use it (and yes, I came up with this version, so yeah, I’m biased, but the results speak for themselves) is to expose the frequency you’re currently living inside—and the one you’ve been avoiding because it feels too alive, too free, too destabilizing to the structures you built to survive.

Here’s a peek inside the version I’ve been playing with inside of my Transformational Arts sessions lately…I’ve been calling it Parallel Timeline Travel (or sometimes Alternate Universe Travel, depending on the mood).

First up WHY do we play with a parallel timeline vs. visioning out into the future?

Short answer—sometimes even when we play in the future, there's this sneaky pressure of, “okay, I have to make this happen now!” Future visioning can activate performance, comparison, and self-surveillance—especially for peeps who are already high-functioning and self-aware (cough, you, cough).

A lot of people also approach change and goal setting from a place of…

“Okay, given my circumstances…what’s realistic?”
“Given my responsibilities and currently reality…what’s possible?”
“Given who I am now…what’s the next step?”

Suuure this might seem like a grounded, wise approach, but this way of thinking often keeps us orbiting the same life…and wondering WTF we’re stuck and nothing is changing.

As Einstein said, “One cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it.”

So when you are looking at a completely alternate timeline/universe where there are no rules, your mind loosens its rational grip and opens up to being more creative and the infinite possibilities available (yes, please).

If you like to get a little nerdy about why things work (hi, same), there are two scientific concepts that explain why parallel timeline work tends to unlock more honesty, emotion, and clarity than traditional future visioning.

They work together—but they’re not the same thing.

And most personal-development approaches collapse them into a vague idea like “mindset” or “beliefs,” which is why they only work up to a point. Let’s check ‘em out.

1. Predictive Processing (aka why your brain keeps recycling the same future)

Modern neuroscience agrees on something that’s fascinating (and mildly annoying)…

Your brain is not primarily designed to imagine wildly new futures. It’s designed to predict and preserve patterns.

At any given moment, your nervous system is scanning for one thing above all else:

SAFETY!

» and constantly asking…”what’s familiar enough to keep me safe?”

The nervous system’s primary job is not:

• fulfillment

• aliveness

• purpose

• resonance

Its job is:

survival + social belonging

Full stop.

It wants:

• predictability

• familiarity

• attachment security

• not getting kicked out of the tribe

That’s why people stay in lives that feel flat but “fine” and why safety wins over aliveness…well, until it doesn’t.

So no—the nervous system is not out here chasing resonance like,
“Ah yes, my higher calling, let’s goooo.”

What it is exquisitely good at is pattern recognition.

Your sense of “reality” is largely a prediction loop—built from past experience, emotional memory, and conditioned expectation.

So when you ask someone to imagine their future while they’re still embedded in their current identity, responsibilities, and relational contracts….

The brain does what it does best…it recycles.

And mayyyyybe offers futures that are safer versions of the present, slightly upgraded patterns, or ideas that are aspirational, but aren’t going to destabilize your whole life, identity, and model of the world (because that wouldn’t be “safe”).

This is why so many future visions can feel flat, pressured, or not super inspiriing. Cuz they’re being generated from inside the same predictive model that created the current reality.

Parallel timelines interrupt that loopity loop! BOOO YA!

By framing the experience as already existing somewhere else, the brain stops trying to engineer a viable plan. And because there’s nothing to execute, the nervous system relaxes its vigilance and shifts out of planning mode and into observation mode.

Observation shifts A LOT, because it’s where:

• new information can enter

• coherence can be felt

• truth can register without triggering threat

The nervous system feels safe enough that it can chill and watch. So it stops bracing and just observes.

And that’s where the second concept comes in.

2. Somatic Recognition (aka how truth registers before logic enters the party)

Once the nervous system feels safe enough to stop bracing, it becomes capable of noticing something it normally filters out—pattern fit (or alignment in our spiritual speak).

Your nervous system does not evaluate truth through language or logic. It evaluates through state changes in the body.

Shifts in breath. Muscle tension or release. Energy rising or settling. Contraction or expansion. Ease or resistance.

This is why you can intellectually understand something and still feel completely unable to live it.

Understanding happens in the cortex while living happens through the nervous system.

Parallel timeline work matters here because it removes threat from the equation.

Because our parallel timeline work is happening in a totally different universe, the nervous system knows there’s no pressure to make anything happen here in this current reality. Aka no need to make drastic changes or blow up your life.

So the nervous system doesn’t need to mobilize, defend, or perform. It drops out of vigilance and into a state where it can simply take in information.

It’s in its ventral vagal state that invites feelings of curiosity, which allows:

• imagination to expand (weeeeee)

• emotional honesty to surface (yummmm)

• grief, desire, and longing to move without being immediately shut down (mmmm)

Again, not because the nervous system is chasing aliveness (it’s not)…but it finally feels safe enough to detect coherence (or lack thereof).

That registration of coherence often shows up as:

• relaxation

• softening

• emotional release

• a subtle felt sense of “rightness”

NOT as a thought, but as a physiological shift.

Why I fuck around with frequency over clarity or shiny outcomes…

Ok, one other thing I want to chat about before we dive into the actual timeline experience is frequency!

One of the biggest misunderstandings in personal development is the obsession with what we want instead of how we’re living.

We’re taught to name the outcome. Define the goal (hello SMART goals—and yes, sure there’s a time and place, but not here, not right now, my friends!). GET CRYSTAL BALL CLEAR!

But my honey boo boo child—your life doesn’t organize itself around goals. It organizes itself around *FREQUENCY*—the emotional, relational, and energetic baseline you’re inhabiting day in and day out.

This is why two people can want the same thing and experience WILDLY different results.

One is wanting from contraction, comparison, forcing, management, and self-monitoring. The other is wanting from aliveness, permission, and internal truth.

Same goal, but a wiiildly different energetic signature to it, ya?

So it’s not about…

“What result do you want?!?”

But…

“Which version of you feels more true in your body?”

Because the body is a resonance instrument. When frequency matches—when something feels right, familiar, relieving, or painfully honest—your system hummmmms and recognizes it immediately.

Bringing it back to parallel timeline magic…

When someone touches a parallel timeline and their system lights up…or softens…or breaks open in grief…or has an energetic orgasm…

That is your being saying, “This is closer. THIS IS THE FREQUENCY. SEEK IT OUT! BECOME A MATCH.”

And once the body recognizes truth at that level, anything else is DISSONANT. It’s so wildly and painful clear that it’s NOT it. And it hurts. When you continuously feel into the true frequency your system wants to seek out RESONANCE and so behavior begins to reorganize naturally.

So that “clarity” that you thought you desperately needed? LOLZ. Irrelevant.

In my experience, clarity is rarely something you think your way into. It’s something that emerges after resonance. Clarity follows behind, like a breadcrumb trail you can finally see once you’re vibing in the right direction.

One obvious (usually simple) next step appears. Then another. Andddd another. No grand master plan required.

Which is exactly why we’re about to move into the timeline experience—not to figure anything out, but to feel the difference between frequencies. Ready for take off?!

Timeline Experience + Technique Breakdown

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I can’t lie—I am an obsessive girly. When I love something, I LoOooOooooooooOOooVe something. I don’t really know how to play it cool because I’ve already jumped off the deep end and am lost in the frigid depths. So, here are some of my tiny obsessions this week.

Well, if I’m being honest some of these obsessions have ranged from a month-long obsession (#1) to a LIFE LONG obsession (see #6).

Let me know if we share any ;)

1. This Bolgogi sushi roll. I’m a SUSHI FREAK! In my past two pregnancies, I ate raw fish regularly. Buuuut this one, I’m not feeling it right now. But I AM feeling some sushi vibes, and I’ve been ordering this like every day. If you know anything about me, it’s that I have an OBSESSIVE personality. And I will do something over and over and over and over again (or eat it over and over again), until I can’t stand it anymore. Hopefully we don’t get to the not being able to stand it phase, cuz it’s so effing good.

   

2. Our dream home manifesting!!!—Complete with quad bunk beds! Ok…I can’t really share more details *YET*…it’s a top secret for now…but I have got QUITE the story for you soon. In the meantime, one of the things I’m weirdly excited for is my daughter’s room. Why?! Cuz we’re making it a BUNK ROOM! We’re currently in the phase of life where both our kiddies want to sleep with us and while we actually have two full beds pushed together, I like my space ;) So! There’s enough room for a QUAD bunk of 4 queens. So two queen beds stacked on top of each other (see some inspo below). My daughter’s DREAM is to have bunk beds. And my dream is to have a room where we can all sleep together comfortably. So let’s see how this pans out ;)

   

3. Can Substack be a tiny obsession? I guess this is my publication, so I make the rules and I say yes! I’ve really loved having a space to just WRITE and not need to cap it at a certain number of characters. It feels so effing FREEING. Not to mention, going WILD with Evervolve Academy and creating a Substack experience unlike any other. If you’re a romantasy girly who loves personal development…but you’re also bored of the same ole…you’re gonna love Evervolve! I’ve also loved getting back into reading other publications on here!!

   

4. Getting my health in order. For the past couple of years I’ve noticed a weird beat going on in my heart. So I did a 72-hour holter monitor and the results came back saying yuppp, you’re not crazy, something is going on. I’m experiencing something called PVCs aka Premature Ventricular Contractions. These are extra heartbeats that can be experienced as a skipped beat, fluttering, or palpitations, and can be harmless. But my doctor has shared that it essentially means my nervous system is under a big load and is like PAY ATTENTION. So I am! I’m trying to add more magnesium in, am taking a potassium supplement, and am I also doing some heavy metal testing. A friend of mine also recommended doing HTMA (Hair Tissue Mineral Analysis) testing, so I’m looking into that too! If anyone has any experience with this, I’d love to hear from you!!

5. The Night School Moonlit Magic Deck. I’m a big fan of Maia Toll (the author of this deck) and love her way of writing and sharing. I’ve always dreamt of creating an oracle deck, buuuut it’s never quite felt like the time. Something about this deck experience unlocked something in me though, and I’ve been getting lots of hit and “WOWWWWW OMG, THIS IS MY UNIQUE ANGLE!!” kinda ideas…so…stay tuned ;)

   

6. Direbound. GAHHH. This book was SUCH a delicious read filled with some of my fav romantasy tropes (because yes, I have been OBSESSED with romantasy since I could read. I was THAT girl who had her nose in a book 24/7 before it was trendy, k?!) Some tropes include: magical school, trials, forced proximity (helloooo one bed at the inn, IYKYK), enemies to lovers, secrets secrets secrets, found family, etc. I am really such a sucker for a school setting (no shocker that I created Evervolve Academy). So if you’re a Harry Potter nerd, loved Fourth Wing, and are craving some juicy plot and scrumptious tension, you will fall for this one! I do have to warn you that only Book 1 is out…but it’s a hefty 600+ pages, so basically like two books.

   

What about you, boo boo?! What have you been obsessing over this week?! Tell me tell meeee below!

You know you love me…

xoxo, Lexi Girl

If you’ve been hanging out in my sphere for some time now, you probably know “should” and “Lex” are basically antonyms…and you’re not really phased by me doing things “experts” say you shouldn’t do.

You’ve been here for the pivots and identity sheds and alllll the creative-shapeshifting…(there have been many)…

And still…

Most “normal” people would say it’s a liiiittle cray cray to decide to create a SECOND Substack while I’m actively pouring my heart into the first. “Experts” would say it’s a very bad idea.

Pfffft.

Sometimes you just can’t ignore a vision that keeps tippity-tapping on your shoulder. Ya know?!!

So, here we are!

At first I really did wonder if I could house ‘em both under one roof. But as you’ll come to see…that just doesn’t quite…work.

They’re sisters, maaaybe. They share some DNA, for sure. But the vibe and experience of each is very much its own.

Wait…so why two publications…what’s the difference?!

“Mother &” is the reality I actually live in.

Mother & is my space for sharing my (nearly) in-real-time musings—exploring the intersection of being a mother and allll my other identities. Aka, it’s where I write from inside my everyday waking life.

AND, of course, it’s also where I support your own becoming with transformational techniques pulled straight from the archives of my comprehensive Transformational Arts certification school.

Whereas…

Evervolve Academy is a differently realm entirely (and I’m honestly OBSESSED with it…and think you will be too).

It is a magical, ever-changing school devoted to your becoming. Calling it a Substack publication just feels wildly inaccurate, because it’s it’s own creative, mad-genius, beast altogether.

We explore identity, creativity, shadow, and experiencing aliveness beyond achievement.

Evervolve exists slightly out of time and is laced with mischief. Rooms disappear, nothing moves in a straight line, and getting lost is part of the curriculum 👁

It’s a playful and disorienting (on purpose). It’s a labyrinth designed to interrupt the part of you that gets in your head and thinks growth should be linear…or productive (how silly is that?!).

Productivity is laughable in this realm. Curiosity and a willingness to “trust the turning” is where it’s at.

…also, I’ll just come out and say it…

Evervolve Academy is for ME and my creativity. It’s where I can world build, create characters to get to know overtime, design choose-your-own adventures for real life, and design graphics and imagery that create a felt experience.

This is where I get to play with narrative, myth, visuals, symbols, and living story threads…and let them do what they do best: sneak past the mind and rearrange something deeper.

Evervolve is for my create expression in its freest form…and hopefully along the way, it inspires your own as well.

Sooo yes, there is overlap between the two publications (cuz hiii, I’m the creatrix of both, so my me-ness is sprinkled in, everywhere)…but they’re so very different.

You’re invited

Evervolve Academy has opened its doors…for those who feel the pull.

So…why would you choose to follow us over here?

For most of you, I don’t even need to say another word. You already KNOW.

Evervolve Academy isn’t for everyone. And that’s kind of the point.

You don’t come here because you want:

• better habits

• clearer goals

• a five-step plan

• or another framework to “optimize”

…there are literally zillions of other coaches + businesses out there who will gladly help you do that ;)

You come to Evervolve because something in you is bored of behaving. Because the part of you that knows how to perform, achieve, mother, lead, build, hold it ALLLLL together, and make things happen…is quietly starving for mystery.

This is a space for the ones who sense that their next evolution won’t come from effort—but from allowing themselves to get a little lost (and in the process, re-orienting to their true nature.

Evervolve Is for You If…

You want to explore identity as something alive—not a perfectly on-brand version of you or whoever the eff you think you should be.

• If you feel the ache of aliveness beyond achievement and suspect that productivity has quietly hijacked your spiritual life and sense of self…(hiii)

• If you crave creativity that isn’t monetized, explained, or cleaned up, but just allowed to exist for its own sake…(mhmmm, same)

• If you’re ready to meet your shadow without turning it into a self-improvement project…but instead, letting it linger, play, and surprise you…(yuppp, this is the place).

Some of you will happily stay put over here at Mother &. I love that for you. Some of you will wander between worlds as you please. And some of you will feel the Academy tug at you like a half-remembered dream…the kind you don’t quite understand and wish was real…and wonder what would happen if you followed its lure.

Like I said…

You already know. And if you don’t, you’ll find out soon.

With magic + mischief,

Lex

If motherhood has ever made you wonder whether you’re doing it wrong—this is for you.

Our first contributor is Brittany M. of Mother Metamorphosis.

Brittany is a mother who is intuitively mothering her daughter with a focus on spiritual connection and attachment. She is a writer and creator of the Substack where she writes about whole mother nourishment and bridging the spiritual and emotional realities of motherhood with the physical reality that it brings.

She became a certified holistic birth and postpartum doula after losing her first pregnancy and son at 15 weeks pregnant. Her grief propelled her into her mission of supporting the whole being of women in the motherhood continuum.

Brittany holds psychic and spiritual gifts that she is beginning to develop – including spirit baby channeling, and higher self guidance. It has been a dream to support women in this way for many years and she is so grateful that she is able to.

She currently lives in Canada and is plotting her next international move to Central America (or somewhere else tropical and warm!). She meditates daily, is a lover of fiction books, and loves a good chocolate croissant.

I recently shared how passionately I feel about not being so focused on the “right” way to mother but YOUR way to mother—in this season.

While this entire publication is devoted to sharing a spectrum of truths about motherhood (and beyond)—with all the contradictions and complexity and beauty and heartbreak and freedom that comes with choosing your own way. I realllly wanted to share the experiences of MANY mothers. Not just me, myself, and I.

So, to honor the many ways to mother, I’m asking women across wildly different lives and stages a set of questions that cut through the “shoulds” and reveal the soul of how she uniquely mothers.

As you read, don’t look for the “right” way to do this. Look for the share that makes your body exhale. The sentence that gives you permission to mother on your terms. And as you do, keep reminding yourself that your way—yesss, even with the messy parts, the contradictions, the weird cobbled-together mix of privilege and pressure—is PERFECT.

You are not doing it wrong. Unless it feels wrong for you. You are not less worthy because your motherhood doesn’t look like hers.

This is ONE of many ways to mother.

What’s yours? (Would love to hear your shares in comments)

Without further ado, let’s dive into Brittany’s answers!

Q #1: What season are you in? Give us the snapshot—life, capacity, context.

This season of life is about holding multiple truths, multiple dimensions, multiple forms of being, and polarity. It’s a season of learning to hold myself in a more nourishing way than ever before, while being in full devotion to my daughter.

As a family, we have been in one of the toughest seasons of our lives – my husband being between jobs, living with my in-laws, and mothering full time. And at the same time, it has been one of the most beautiful seasons of our lives. The writing, the alignment and the opportunity that is finding its way to me. The magic that my 1.5 year old daughter brings into our lives with her unbridled joy, her magnetism, her beautiful way of navigating through the world in pure authenticity, and watching her grow into herself has been nothing short of otherworldly.

At times it feels like I am at my absolute max of capacity of what I am able to hold energetically physically, spiritually, and mentally and at other times it feels like I am boundless with eternal capacity.

All this to say, my daughter is never who I feel I need a break from. It is when I feel under supported, unseen or not held in the experience of motherhood is when I feel I am at a breaking point.

My daughter is a highly sensitive, low sleep needs baby and she has been a beautiful reflection and mirror into my own self as a child and it’s been healing to mother her. She’s energetic and has the type of quiet confidence most of us could only dream of holding innately. Mothering a sensitive daughter has taught me surrender in a way that I never knew it before. She’s invited me to be fully embodied in the truth of what she needs, and moving my own personal preferences to the side. She likes to be close. Her nervous system needs it, and frankly, mine does too.

But this means I have had to let go of a lot. I’ve had to let go of all the patterns that were keeping me in force, rather than receivership. It means I have been called into deeper presence with her, and myself. It means she is not comfortable with anyone, so I am her primary caregiver – most days, and all days.

I don’t say that to complain about her, or my motherhood chapter. Because this truth has brought me closer to myself in ways that I cannot explain. It has also meant that I am fully IN IT with her each and everyday. And these days are so fleeting – I could never imagine anything different.

Q #2: What version of “mother” were you taught to become—and which parts did you choose to keep or burn?

I was taught to be a mother who gave everything to her kids from an empty well. I was taught to be a resentful mother. I was taught that you must give up your entire life when you have kids, never once coming up for air. I was taught to be a mother that put her own wounding ahead of the very real needs of her children. I was taught you had to be a victim to motherhood.

I burned every single one of those teachings to the ground.

I learned from my own experience what I did not want to be as a mother – and I chose differently. I chose to heal. I chose to rewrite generational patterns and pasts to forge a new path of motherhood in my lineage.

I looked to people I admired, I looked to families where the kids looked loved, and the parents looked fulfilled. And I learned from them. I tuned into my heart and I found the ways that felt right for me and my family. I lean on my intuition more than I lean on information from others, or from research. I find what feels right, and I trust that. I didn’t realize how confident I would be in those choices, rarely faltering in them. I heard so much about the anxiety that comes with making the “wrong” decision as a new mother – and I thought that was just how it was.

I got to know my daughter’s spirit before she came earthside, through ceremony, dreams, and mediums – and it wasn’t a surprise that she chose me as her mother. What she needed from me as a mother and the way she has needed me to mother her, is exactly what I envisioned.

What has surprised me is how much inner wounding from my own childhood has surfaced or resurfaced. I spent years and years doing deep inner work through plant medicine ceremonies, breathwork, thetahealing and other modalities and cleared so much trauma that was held in my body and consciousness. I didn’t expect all the varying layers of these traumas to come up in an even stronger way since becoming a mother.

Motherhood has the power to heal. And it has the power to break. It’s your choice what route you take. And I feel grateful I’ve chosen the path of healing.

Q #3: What are your “&s”? Aka the identities, desires, and roles that exist alongside “mother.”

Other than a mother – the title I am the most proud of – I am a writer. I am a birth and postpartum doula. I am a motherhood doula. And most of all, I am Brittany. I am the truest version of myself I have been in this life yet, and I am just getting started.

People forget, and sometimes I forget, my sense of adventure. Something that nourished my whole being – mind, body, and spirit – before I had my daughter. It’s something that right now feels underfed with a deep longing for it to return. Adventure, spontaneity, travel, and exploration is one of the things that makes me feel the most like me.

Our physical reality and finances don’t allow for it at the moment in the way that I know is possible. Temporarily letting go of that part of me has been full of grief, sorrow, and hopefulness. That part of Brittany will return – with an international move happening sooner rather than later – to live the life we always dream of with our kids.

I’ve learned to create moments of that in our neighbourhood, in our community, and in the nearby towns, but it doesn’t feel the same when you know you’re in a physical location that doesn’t make your heart sing like places you’ve lived in the past.

Even though my reality doesn’t hold the same type of adventure that I long for at the moment, I have learned to find other forms of vitality and aliveness through nourishment, through cooking, and through presence. Meditation and prayer have been an essential part of my daily practice that helps me remain grounded and whole. I have learned to find joy and contentment in a quieter life than I once lived – I’ve grown deeply comfortable in my own skin, in silence, in peace. I have rediscovered my love for fiction novels. My daughter and I always go to the library together to pick out new books. These two things feed my heart and soul, but it also feeds the inner child within.

If I didn’t hold any shame – I would resurrect the athlete that I used to be, in a very different way. I’d move my body and workout more than I do, I would make it a priority in my life when it has fallen by the wayside since getting pregnant. It would help me to feel more confident in my body, stronger to hold my growing toddler longer, and feel sexier in my postpartum body.

Q #4: What does your support system actually look like?

I have an incredible built in support system while I live with my in-laws. In the day-to-day, I am the full time support system for my daughter and myself. My mother in law supports me in caring for our daughter for a few hours a day, a couple times a week so I can get some writing done, or just have some time alone. My husband also works from home so there are times where he will block a few hours in his calendar to support me / our daughter as well if I have a client call, podcast recording, or something else that cannot be missed.

I feel so grateful for this built in support, and I am going to be heartbroken when we eventually leave. The feeling of having someone you know with your whole being that your child is safe and happy with is a level of heart security that cannot be put into words. I still feel inklings of shame that we are living with my in-laws at the moment, but the gifts that it has provided us – connection, community, support, and a beautiful loving foundation for our daughter in the first years of her life is something that will always override the shame.

Once we leave here, our support system will look a lot different. It’s one we feel into all the time. We envision a nanny, who is more like a family member or auntie to our daughter. We envision having a cleaner to help with some of the cleaning around the house, and it will be beautiful for my daughter to have an aligned program to attend a few days a week to play with other kids. We envision living in an intentional community where there will be shared responsibilities, other children, other parents and the sharing of resources / childcare for our children to grow up in. We are done with living in nuclear family structures. Our daughter and future children – and we – deserve that.

Q #5: What do you love about the way you mother?

Motherhood is deeply sacred to me. It is a daily ceremony, a daily becoming, a daily act of devotion and surrender. I mother with my whole heart and with my daughter’s unique and individual spirit at the forefront of every decision, every way I show up, and in every moment. Her needs guide the way I mother and I remove my own personal preference from that. This is not an act of martyrdom – because boundaries exist and I hold firm on those. I nourish myself, I put myself first in many circumstances when I can, and I ensure my well is full. I ask for support when I need it so I can show up better for her.

I know the way I am mothering her – with a high priority on developing a secure attachment – is the right way for me because it feels right. It feels right in my heart and that effect ripples out into the way other people care for her too. I see it in the way she is safe to express every side of her being and her emotions. I see it in the way that she navigates the world when she feels nervous, when she feels comfortable, when she feels shy, or any mix of the above. I feel it in the way her body sinks into peace when she comes back to me. I see it in the way she lights up when I walk into the room.

I am a mother in the unseen realms. I tune into her spirit and higher self. I channel her guides and angels. I connect them with my own higher self. And knowing I am bridging the gaps between the spiritual realities and the physical realm allows me to have confidence in the way I mother. I don’t question if I am making the right decision because I know I am. I check in on all levels of being, and I trust that. If I feel shaky in that decision or it wasn’t clear, I ask my husband to tune in too.

This is what has made motherhood really interesting for me – being able to hold that spiritual connection with her spirit has helped guide my choices and my mothering experience. It’s rewarding, it’s fulfilling, and it is joyful knowing that I am listening to what her spirit needs and I see how it positively impacts everyone. Putting trust in that side of reality has allowed me to be more grounded in this physical reality.

Q #6: What feels really hard?

The hardest part of motherhood for me is the ever changing landscape of competing needs. On days when I need quiet and low stimulation, my daughter requires high stimulation situations. Or on days where I am bone tired and I am planning on napping with her, she decides not to nap, or to only nap for 15 minutes.

There are many days where we are a cohesive and synergistic unit and our needs are the same. We are in flow, we understand each other and we sink into the needs of the other. On the days where I need one thing, and she needs another, there is a level of surrender that feels challenging because it goes against what my body is calling for. It stretches me in a way that I’m sure many mothers understand.

However, in that stretching, my capacity grows. My nervous system expands. And there is growth that happens for us both.

Q #7? What’s a belief you hold about motherhood, or being a woman, that might shock people or rock the boat?

I believe that motherhood is an invitation to heal, to grow, and to let go of old stories. And when motherhood feels really hard in all ways, like it’s always overwhelming, like it’s always too much, I believe that we are resisting the invitations that are in front of us. We are resisting or ignoring the invitation to heal our childhood wounds. We are resisting or ignoring the signs to change up our routine, take care of ourselves better, or let go of some things that no longer serve us.

We all have sovereignty, we all have choice, we all have divine will. But there is an inherited perception of motherhood that we are victims to it, that we have no choice and “that’s just how it is”. And that’s the furthest from the truth.

As women and mothers, we are in the era where we are being invited to rise, to reclaim our power, our voices, and our wombs. Now is not the time to stay small, to stay compliant, and to stay hidden in the shadows to avoid radical responsibility.

As mothers, we hold sacred responsibilities to our bodies, our wombs, and our families. No one is coming to save me, and they aren’t coming to save you. It’s time to take our power back.

This might ruffle some feathers because it’s easier to stay in old patterns, and it’s easy to put blame on everything else while not doing anything different within the four walls of your own being or home. It’s easier to stay small. It’s easier to stay the same.

There is a power that mothers hold that no one else in this world holds. We are the creators of life. We are God consciousness in human form. Everyone here on this planet came from Mother – and we all came from the Great Mother. For me, it’s important to tap into that power, the soft and nurturing strength, that we so sacredly hold. We were born as women for a reason. We are mothers for a reason in this lifetime. And that is a gift that I will never take for granted.

Thank you, so so much for kicking us off with this series, Brittany, and for sharing so openly with us! I sooo appreciate you!

I realllly enjoyed getting a glimpse into Brittany’s season of motherhood right now, and felt a lot of resonance with what she shared.

AND…in the spirit of total transparency (cuz what else do we do around here?!), I noticed some places where I either felt differently or desired to feel the way Brittany did.

ALL OF THIS IS SO NORMAL!

As I shared in “The 7 questions every mother needs to be asked” this is perfect!!

Because the point isn’t for all of us to agree, but to make space for the breadth of truth without hierarchy or shame—so we can return to our own knowing.

I’ll share a couple of the things that came up for me (again, none of these are right or wrong…they’re just what I’m noticing in my own being and system):

• “All this to say, my daughter is never who I feel I need a break from.”

  • Oh wow…I DON’T feel that way…like at all (cue guilt trip). I absolutely feel like I do need a break from my children…and often!! I am someone who has always craved and NEEDED a ton of space to be alone. Even when I LOVE the people around me so so much.

• “What has surprised me is how much inner wounding from my own childhood has surfaced or resurfaced…”

  • Ummmm yes. 111%. This was WILDLY confronting for me the past few years and it invited me into navigating some of my darkest moments.

• “I am the truest version of myself I have been in this life yet, and I am just getting started.”

  • HELL TO THE FUCK YES. I feel this so deeply. It has been a RIDE to get here and has been bumpy as hell, but I couldn’t agree more.

• “I am the full time support system for my daughter and myself…My husband also works from home so there are times where he will block a few hours in his calendar to support me / our daughter as well if I have a client call, podcast recording, or something else that cannot be missed.”

  • I am not the full time support system for my daughter and son (my daughter is in pre-school and we have nanny help too). AND I STILL STRUGGLE! My husband also works A LOT. I got a jolt of envy wishing he was around more during the day…but also…when he’s around he’s SO hands-on and helpful. So also got a hit of gratitude ;)

• “I don’t question if I am making the right decision because I know I am. I check in on all levels of being, and I trust that.”

  • I love this so so so much and wish for more of this for myself. As someone who is hiiiighly anxious, I question my decisions ALL THE EFFING TIME. I’m also someone who can see infinite shades of grey, which can be such a gift…but can also be…A LOT.

• “We are mothers for a reason in this lifetime. And that is a gift that I will never take for granted.”

  • Amen <3

Thank you, again, Brittany, for sharing your heart and story with us!

And thank you dear glorious reader for tuning in and supporting another mama on the path of motherhood.

We all need each other, that’s for sure.

What part of your way of mothering do you secretly wish needed less explaining? If you want to name it here, you’re welcome to.

What’s one way you’re mothering, right meow, in this season?

Xx, Lex

HELLO YOU.

YOU ARE A MULTIVERSE WOMAN. PERIOD.

You came into this world like that and you will leave this world like that. LUCKY FUCKING YOU. And lucky fucking world for being able to receive and experience you’re multitude of gifts!

(I know, I know—you’re probably rolling your eyes and stomping your cute lil feet like, “UGH, BUT LEXI, I JUST WANT MY THING, DAMNIT!! This isn’t lucky!! It’s confusing. IT’S A CURSE!”) I sooo get the feeling. Cuz um yeah. I was you and am you (I wrote an entire post around this a couple weeks ago).

It’s A LOT to be a lot.

But it’s effing MAGICAL TOO.

Unlike one dimensional beings You don’t need to pick one thing. You need a way to let many things live. As a multiverse woman, you are constantly ebbing and flowing and shifting and changing.

AND. There are parts of you that are always true.

Your core. Your essence. The themes that keep returning no matter how many identities you shed.

And then there are things in orbit.

Ideas. Desires. Longings. Creative callings. Expressions of you that come online depending on the season you’re in.

And here’s the thing—as a Multiverse woman, you are a CYCLICAL BEING.

Which is why linear clarity has never worked for you.

You’ve been trying to make forever decisions (aka finding your path/”thing”) from a temporary state (season)—and then wonder why the eff everything feels off, heavy, or wrong six months (ok, maybe even 6 days) later.

Here’s a disclaimer before we journey any further together: I’m NOT here to help you find your forever clarity. Sowwwwy.

But! I am here to help you find your NOW clarity. And I PROMISE this is even more sexy and the key to your forever clarity.

Your next creation is not about:

• figuring yourself out (like in a way where you need to know EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOUR LIFE PURPOSE IS, WHAT YOUR MANIFESTO IS, etc. etc.)

• seeking answers outside of you (plz plz plz unfollow and stop listening to anyone who keeps saying “NICHE DOWN”…save yourself the heartache already, ok?!)

• forcing a decision so you can finally relax (the pressure to decide is actually eating you alive)

It’s about honoring who you already are—in this season.

We do this by:

• identifying the season you’re actually in (not the one you wish you were in…again, sorry)

• naming what wants expression and exploration now

• and designing aligned action that matches your current capacity, desire, and nervous system

Yes, whatever you pursue next needs to TURN YOU ON.

But!!!

(If I could scream this part w a megaphone I would. Please re-read this part a zillion times and really let it sink it because WOW did I need this message…)

You can’t just jerk off to an idea and call it alignment. What excites you conceptually is NOT (I repeat, ABSOLUTELY NOT) the same thing as what makes your body come alive when you’re actually doing the thing.

You might love the idea of:

• a podcast

• a course

• a book

• a brand

• a business

But the real question is: Do you love the devotion of it? The execution? The day-to-day contact and experience of it?

If you don’t love that—not just the fantasy—that’s soooo not it.

SO! What we’re gonna keep coming back to is: TRUE EMBODIED TURN-ON THAT IS SUSTAINABLE…EVEN AS IT’S VARIABLE.

This brings me to…The Multiverse Cycle Framework™!

The Multiverse Cycle Framework™

BIG IDEA: You don’t choose a path. You orient to a season.

Three truths we work with:

1. You have a Core (always true)

2. You have Orbits (expressions that change)

3. You are in a Season (which determines what gets to lead right now)

“Clarity” comes from alignment between those three.

I like to look at it with a lil metaphor—

Your Core is you. Your Orbits are your wardrobe, accessories, and where you go wearing them. Your Season is the weather.

Let’s explore ‘em now…

1. Core (what’s always true)

Your Core is not “what you do.” Or a business model, niche, or content pillar list you made at 2am in a panic.

It’s the throughline of you—your essence, magic, values, vibe, themes, identities, and devotions that keep showing up across every chapter.

You don’t take your Core off or “pick” it. You just ARE it.

You exist in every season, every room, and every phase of life.

How to identify Core

Your Core isn’t a hit of excitement or that fleeting BUZZ, SPARK, WHIZ, WOOOOO!!!

Core feels like deep, grounded devotion and reveals itself through consistency, not intensity.

You’ll recognize your Core by noticing what keeps returning.

Ask yourself:

• What themes have followed me my whole life, even as my roles have changed?

• What do people consistently feel, receive, or reflect back to me?

• What do I care about even when I’m tired, overwhelmed, or not “on”?

• What part of me refuses to disappear, no matter how much I try to move on?

• What feels most “me” when I’m not trying to be impressive or useful?

Core markers (what it feels like)

Core feels like:

• “ahhhh yes” kinda recognition.

• grounding

• relief and an exhale

• “I can’t not be this”

• familiarity > novelty

• a sense of coming home

• Truth (w a capital T)

2) Orbits (what changes, evolves, or even rotates)

Orbits are the expressions of you that come in and out of focus.

With the wardrobe metaphor, it’s what you wear, how you wear it, and where you go in it.

They’re how your Core gets expressed in real life. Your Orbits can change without you changing.

You don’t become your wardrobe or the places you visit. You express yourself through them—and you’re allowed to change them as your life, energy, and season change.

Orbits can include mediums, topics, roles + identities, and environments.

Mediums (how you express yourself)

Examples:

• Writing essays vs. recording voice notes

• Teaching live workshops vs. 1:1 sessions

• Creating art privately vs. sharing publicly

• Speaking on stages vs. writing quietly at home

Topics (what you’re exploring right now)

Examples:

• Identity + becoming

• Motherhood + creativity

• Desire, intimacy, and turn-on

• Leadership, devotion, and self-trust

• Cycles, seasons, and embodiment

These topics aren’t forever commitments. They’re what’s alive for you in this chapter.

Roles / Identities (who you’re embodying)

Examples:

• Mentor

• Guide

• Artist

• Teacher

• Facilitator

• Writer

• Mother-as-creator

These are outfits, not your body. You can inhabit them fully…and still take them off later.

Environments (where your Core is placing itself)

Examples:

• Online vs. in-person spaces

• Intimate rooms vs. large audiences

• Private creation vs. public visibility

• Solo work vs. collaborative spaces

• Local community vs. global reach

• Luxe hotel setting vs. cozy cafe

What goes wrong for Multiverse women

They either:

• shame themselves for changing (“I can’t stick to anything…ughhh I’m such a flake!!”)

  or

• cling to an old orbit because it’s familiar / profitable / approved (”this makes ‘sense’…people recognize me here!! People say they want this from me…”—even when their body is saying, “Uhh nope, no. We’re done.”

Orbits are not “distractions.” They’re the way your Core takes form in different seasons. Or even the seasoning and unique flavor of your Core in that season.

Orbit health check

An orbit is aligned when:

• you enjoy the doing, not just the idea

• it feels alive to return to it repeatedly

• you can imagine staying devoted for 30–90 days without resentment

An orbit is a fantasy trap when:

• you love planning it more than doing it

• it’s fueled by proving, escaping, or being seen

• your body collapses when you try to execute

• it’s “hot” in your mind but dead in your hands

3) SEASON (what’s real and leading the way right now)

Seasons describe the conditions of your life and nervous system. They’re the weather you’re moving through.

A season is a lived reality made of:

• capacity (time, energy, caregiving load)

• nervous system state (fight/flight/freeze/rest)

• desire level (spark vs emptiness vs hunger)

• identity phase (shedding, blooming, rebuilding)

• life context (pregnancy, postpartum, grief, relocation, growth)

Seasons aren’t moods. They’re organizing principles that determine your priorities, pace, and the way you move, create, and relate.

Most burnout doesn’t come from doing too much. It comes from refusing to acknowledge the season you’re actually in.

Trying to dress and do activities like it’s July when it’s clearly January inside your body is how resentment, and “what is wrong with me???” spirals are born.

When you learn to honor the season and orient accordingly (instead of forcing consistency or what you think you “should be” doing/being), magic happens!

If you’re reading this and feeling that familiar “oh shit…this is me” recognition. Buuuut also thinking:

• “Okay but…what season am I actually in?”

• “How do I stop intellectualizing this and actually apply it?”

• “What would this look like in my real life, with my capacity, my nervous system, my constraints?”

…this is where we get into all the good goods!!

🔐 For VIP Paid Subscribers

Going deeper, you’ll receive:

• The Full Seasons Diagnostic (Winter / Spring / Summer / Fall)

  A body-led, nervous-system-aware way to identify the season you’re actually in right now—not the one you wish you were in—so you stop forcing misaligned action.

• The Project Design Workbook

  A step-by-step, fill-in-the-blank experience to help you weave together your Core + Orbits + Season into a Project that fits your life now.

• Multiple Real Project Examples by Season + Capacity

  Including quiet, embodied, domestic, relational, creative, and non-monetized projects—not just “content” or “business” ideas.

• Peek Into My Project

  How I’m holding multiple interests at once without scattering, spiraling, or forcing a niche.

• And of course, priority access to 1:1 Transformational Arts Sessions

Duh, upgrade me!

Read more

I have so many 90%-birthed, feral, genius drafts waiting to be released like hungry lil gremlins…but I cannot not share what’s happening right now.

I have ENTERED A WHOLE NEW TIMELINE.

And I don’t want to be a Possibility Portal1 for you someday—not when I 1000000000x my income or land a #1 bestseller (coming, obvi). I want to be a portal FRESH and in the thick of it. As it’s happening.

Cuz it’s cute to hear about someone’s transformation a year later…butttt what about a DAY LATER?

You ready for the real-time share??

Pssst—idk why but the video quality ain’t so hot, so you’ll prob wanna tune into the audio version!!

Yesterday I published:

And in Section 5 of the post, I shared The VVVV Intimate Deets Of My Own Recode (SQUEALLLL).

It felt INCREDIBLY vulnerable to share, because I was reallllly REAL about the “facts” of my current reality and what I was making it mean (and the vvv negative, spinny, anxious, self-doubting thoughts I was having…and the immense stuckness I was experiencing).

Then I walked you through my new Quantum Co-Creatrix Coding—who I chose to be instead and what I envisioned for myself.

And the crazy part is, I did MOST of the steps of the Recode Method, but I haven’t even done the most POWERFUL one yet…so I KNOW this is JUST the beginning…but still…

Since writing and publishing the post I have…

• Had 3 INCREDIBLE souls invest in a Transformational Arts Session (last chance to snag one at $222, then it goes up to $333 today!)

• Supported a client in a TA session today which began with “I’m so confused” and ended with “ok I’m really fucking clear.” MWUAHA. Just took a lil magical parallel-universe time-traveling journey to get there 😉 Today’s session flavor was soft, trippy, wildly freeing, and clarifying in the best way. Yummm.

• SAW THIS NOTIFICATION!!!! That I’m #41 Rising in Culture!! No clue what that means lololol, but my girl who I LOVE is #39. So DATS COOL.

• Yesterday’s post ALONE brought in 15 new subscribers. 10 of them paid, 5 free. UMM WHAT! YES!

To some (and even a past version of me) these might seem like tiny numbers or wins. But as someone who had nearly given up on her business…who felt lost and confused…who only had 2 paid subscribers (that’s a 400% and counting increase!!)…alll just a few days ago…THIS IS A BIG EFFING DEAL!

It truly feels like someone waved a wand and POOF! MAGIC OCCURRED!!

And while it’s MAGICAL, it’s actually a PROVEN PROCESS that I’ve done before (and that hundreds of my students have done) and that I know WORKS.

So…if you haven’t joined as a paid subscriber yet to read the goods on The $10K Method That Rewired My Entire Life…you might def want to.

But don’t just read it. ACTUALLY GO THROUGH IT.

And…then come share in the comments or in our paid subscriber chat—cuz that’s about to launch and I’m ready for it to be hoppin’ and boppin’ and to support you like whoooaa!! …for just $11/month!

Which feels…honestly kinda crazy for what’s happening here and about to happen.

But also very right. For now ;)

A Pep Talk for the Lag (read this if you’re feeling wobbly!!)

Ok, before I end this celebratory post I wanna leave you with a nugget…

If you’re in that space where things feel activated but not yet validated…where you’ve MADE the inner decision of collapsing timelines but the outer world hasn’t caught up…

I need you to hear this clearly (and follow!!): DO NOT ABANDON YOURSELF HERE.

This is the exact moment most people turn back. Because the old identity is louder than the new one…but only right before it loses power.

Sooo the familiar urge to:

• over-explain

• over-prove

• retreat

• “be realistic”

• wait until you’re more certain

• get “more clarity”

NOPE NOPE NOPE.

That’s the past version of you DESPERATELY trying to cling to what it knows and what it thinks is “safe” (cuz anything outside of your comfort zone signals DANGER warnings…but what once helped you survive is not gonna help you thrive)…

Whatever you do—do not waver. Stand firm in your conviction of what you know is meant for you.

And for those that love a metaphor (I can’t resist…)

Think of this phase like crossing a suspension bridge in the dark.

You’ve already stepped off solid ground and you can’t see the other side yet. You KNOW it’s there…but the bridge sways juuust enough to make your nervous system question every life choice and if you’re sane and if the other side is actually real.

Despite what your brain is trying to tell you, if you turn around now, you DON’T get safety. You get complacency at best and regret at worst.

So what do you do?? You keep moving!

One tiny step at a time. Then another. Holding the vision of who you’re becoming…and each step taking you closer and closer to that reality.

Until POOF! You’re there. You’re that version. As you were always meant to be!

That’s how timelines actually change.

YOU’VE GOT THIS!

As I enter a season of deep devotion to reclaiming and transforming my own life again (my body, my magic, my partnership, my eros, my creativity, my voice, my power, etc.), I’ve found myself gravitating back for the verrrry tools that changed it all for me—and for hundreds of other wildly brilliant creatives, entrepreneurs, and mothers.

Which is why…the Vault is opening. *DRAMATIC DRUMROLL, PLEASE!*

Welcome to The Transformational Arts Vault!

This is a resurrection of the exact tools, modalities, and identity technologies from my renowned coaching certification school—Tabwoo Institute of the Transformational Arts—that built my 7-figure empire and shaped hundreds of the coaching industry’s most successful leaders.

These are the behind-the-scenes frameworks, subconscious rewiring tools, somatic practices, emotional alchemy processes, and spiritual methodologies I once taught only inside a five-figure plus, application-only program. It was truly the most incredible, comprehensive program with over 12 depth-filled certification programs within the school itself.

After nearly 3 years since closing the doors…

I’m opening them…buuuut in a whole new way!

Not as a certification school, but as a living archive—a legacy series for paid subscribers where you’ll receive the same life-changing practices that once cost over $10,000…for the tiniest fraction of the investment.

If you’re here for real transformation—mental, emotional, spiritual, somatic—this is where my original magic lives.

Whether you’re a mama navigating matrescence or a creative business owner looking to 10x their biz…or both! These tools and and practices are going to blowwww you off your broomstick!

Paid subscribers get:

• The ENTIRE deep-dive Recode Method™ Process (fleshed out fully with examples from my own life!!)

• The full Recode Method™ workbook (down below)
  So you can use this process again and again.

• At least two deep-dive trainings every month
  These are the actual $10K methodologies from my 7-figure certification school—rewritten, upgraded, and delivered for $11/month.

• Behind-the-scenes stories, breakdowns, Q&A threads, rituals, and practices

• Priority access to all Transformational Arts Session openings
  They sell out fastttttt. Paid subs get first dibs.

• And oodles more! I’m always listening to your feedback and what would make this THE BEST Substack subscription EVERRRRR. So send your ideas and desires my way!

Subscribe here & enter The Transformational Arts Vault! …and get ready to welcome to your most delicious becoming. MWUAHAHA!

Subscribe now

Pssst—I am OBSESSED that within minutes of posting this I had 3 past students see it and share…

🥲🥲🥲 So grateful for their love and support!! And you know if they’re back for more, it’s gotta be good 😜

SECTION 1: The Recode Method’s™ Origin Story

The first special treat is a lil something I call the Recode Method™.

Before I dive in…I want to take you back to its orgins…

It was November 12, 2018 and I had HAD it.

As my journal entry reads: “The truth? I’m frustrated AF. I want to throw in the towel and say FUCK IT. I’m stressed. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. I’m over it.”

What was I over? In this journal entry I was specifically talking about my frustration with my branding and web design business. It was suuuuuucking my soul and I had nothing left to give—myself, my clients, and the people that mattered most to me.

The next page is all about what felt “heavy” in my business and what felt “light.” Let’s just say the heavy column outweighed the light column by far.

What I had come to realize that I was living and breathing my business.

Well, living was a streeeetch.

I was working 16 hour days. Eating pizza for every meal. Not showering for days at a time. Not moving my body. Not having any time for my husband and the hobbies I loved most. I was anxious AF, not sleeping, and having psoriasis breakouts.

It sure as hell wasn’t pretty.

I decided I was DONE doing the business thing with the sole purpose of making money. I wanted to LIVE my soul purpose.

I said FUCK IT. I’m only going to pursue the things that light me the eff up and that excite the shit out of me.

I had been in the coaching world for years prior and I had a deep love for transformation and healing. I decided I would dedicate 2019 to going ALL in on my transformational coaching skills. I became a certified NLP Practitioner…then a Master Practitioner…and then a Trainer of NLP (plus many other modalities).

Buuut before I did all this, I decided to run a lil experiment.

I called it my “Quantum $hift” experiment. And this experiment changed EVERYTHING.

I essentially set out to leap timelines and become the version of me that felt like the TRUEST me.

I followed a series of experiments and within just 30 days I had lost 10 lbs (and was running my fastest), felt AMAZING in my body, had 10xed my income, and was attracting clients like a freaking MAGNET.

After sharing the details of what I was doing, people wanted to pay me to help them quantum shift too…and so I did. I worked with clients 1:1. And through that, I developed my own methodology and series of processes. And from there, I created a 30 day experience called “Quantum $hift.” It was $2.5k for the month and the results were INSANE. TRULY miraculous.

Now…obviously being inside of the energy of a live container where you’re being highly supported by me and also in community with other women who are GOING FOR IT is MAGIC. There’s no denying that…

AND…I did eventually make it self-study and people embarked on their own epic journeys with incredible results.

So…what I’m saying is…the work works when you work it babyyyy ;)

Today I’m going to share my signature Recode Method™ that was a fan fav inside Quantum $hift (and that I eventually made part of the “MindCrafting™” certification inside our Transformational Arts School).

I didn’t create the Recode Method™ because I knew exacttttly what I was doing and was an expert (I wasn’t at the time).

I created it because I was terrified. AND DESPERATE.

I was terrified I would build a whole life that looked impressive but felt like suffocation. I was terrified I’d never access the version of me who was actually the TRUEST version of me and the most ALIIIIVE version of me. I was terrified of what would happen if I just gave into my current life conditions and conditioning and said, “WELP! Too bad, there’s nothing I can do it about it.”

The Recode Method™ was a WILD experiment…it was a total hail mary but damnnn, it turned out to be MAGIC. Not just for me, but for everyone who implemented it and LIVED into it.

SoOo! Today, I’m not only going to walk you step-by-step through the process and give you the map, I’m going to personally share how I’M recoding and using this for this current season of my life.

Pluuuuus, I’m gonna give you a 7-page workbook you can fill out for yourself…and come back to over and over and over again!

SECTION 2: WTF Is The Recode Method™?

Most people aren’t stuck because their life is “hard.” Well…they think they’re stuck because of that. AND HEY, life CAN BE EFFING HARD. And we definitely all aren’t given a “fair” hand. It would be silly to not acknowledge that reality.

But what I’ve seen for over a decade of doing this work is that MOST people are truly stuck because their identity script is outdated.

It’s like trying to run 2026 dreams on 2012 software.

The Recode Method™ is the reboot, babyyy!

The Recode Method™ is one of those deceptively simple practices that feels almost illegal to know—because once you get it, you can’t unsee your own power. It has rewritten identities, marriages, bank accounts, emotional patterns, and entire realities. My students used to rave that it changed their lives and their clients’ lives…because it works on literally anything.

Money.
Love.
Confidence.
Business.
Sex.
Self-worth.
Creative identity.
Parenthood.
Healing.
Everythinggggg.

It works because it gets underneath the surface bullshit and goes STRAIGHT to the identity script running the whole show.

We all think we’re “making choices,” but 95–99% of our behavior is happening on autopilot through subconscious coding we didn’t choose. Most of that coding was installed by family, teachers, religion, culture, trauma, fear, and survival instincts.

What once kept us alive…now keeps us small.

The Recode Method™ helps you name the script you’re currently living from, expose the subconscious patterns powering it, and then recode—consciously and subconsciously—the identity you actually want to embody.

This is how you collapse timelines. This is how you become the version of you you’ve been trying to “manifest.” This is the shift that changes everything else.

Subconscious Self vs. Quantum Caster Self

We gotta cover some terms here first so we’re all speaking the same language.

Your Subconscious Self is the version of you shaped by conditioning, expectation, approval, trauma, fear, and the need to belong. It’s your “identity script,” and most of it isn’t even yours.

Your Quantum Co-Creatrix (QCC) Self is pure you.
Unconditioned.
Untamed.
Fully resourced.
Fully expressed.
The version of you that knows you’re infinite, powerful, magical, and co-creating with something bigger than you.

Your QCC doesn’t operate from fear or scarcity.
Your QCC doesn’t ask permission.
Your QCC doesn’t negotiate your potential.

Your QCC collapses time.
Your QCC quantum-shifts realities.

The Recode Method™ helps you move from subconscious coding → QCC coding, so your life starts reflecting who you actually are—not who you were trained or told to be.

Psssst—Do you want me to do a WHOOOOLE post on your QCC and how you can meet her and really get to know her…and BE HER? Lemme know in the comments. I’ll do it :)

SECTION 3: Current Reality vs. Desired Outcome (And Why We Start Here)

Before you can recode anything, you need to see what reality you’re currently operating from. Not the story behind it or the emotional spin, just the facts.

Because when your brain holds two conflicting beliefs—your current reality and your desired one—it goes into cognitive dissonance. And cognitive dissonance is basically your subconscious saying:

“Let’s stay where it’s familiar.
Even if it sucks.
At least we know how to survive here.”

So we strip it down to facts.
Facts create clarity.
Clarity interrupts the subconscious loop long enough to make a new choice possible.

IMPORTANT LOVE NOTE: This is NOT about judging where you are. It’s about locating yourself on the map before you start walking. Otherwise you’re gonna be wandering haphazardly with no clear direction of your True North, k?!

Current Reality + Facts

This step is pure truth-telling.

Not:
“I hate my day job...GAHH I’m soooo effing miserable.”
But:
“The work I do at my day job isn’t in my Zone of Magic.”

Not:
“My relationship is a mess and I feel so unloved.”
But:
“We haven’t had connected sex in months.”
“We don’t schedule time for intimacy.”

Not:
“I’m failing in business.”
But:
“I made $1,000 last month.”
“I have 2 clients enrolled.”

Not:
“I’m a disaster with health.”
But:
“I haven’t worked out in months.”
“I eat foods that make me feel sluggish.”

Facts first. Feelings later.

Facts give you something to compare your shifts against—because trust me, once you recode, the changes start stacking fast.

Desired Outcome + Facts

Once you know what is, you can name what you want instead—again, as facts.

Not hopes. Not dreams. Not “someday.” Facts from your future.

Examples:

Partnership

• We have hot, connected sex regularly.

• We prioritize conscious connection.

• We schedule date nights weekly.

Business

• I make $7,500 months consistently.

• I have 10 clients enrolled by December 31st.

Body + Health

• I crave and enjoy foods that nourish me.

• I move my body in ways that feel energizing.

• I feel sexy and powerful in my body.

You’re naming the reality your QCC Self already lives in—and anchoring it as the new destination your subconscious can lock onto.

TL;DR: So Far…

• You’re not stuck because you lack discipline.
  You’re stuck because you’re running on outdated subconscious coding you didn’t choose.

• The Recode Method™ helps you see your current identity script, the one driving 95–99% of your thoughts, behaviors, and results.

• Then you recode it—shifting from the conditioned, survival-based version of you
  → to your Quantum Co-Creatrix Self, the version who collapses time and creates from power, not fear.

• We start with the facts.
  Not the story, not the drama—just the objective reality you’re operating from.

• Then you name your desired reality as facts, the ones your future self is already living in.

• From there, you walk through the six steps:
  Reclaim → Elicit → Channel → Overwrite → Determine → Embody.
  (AKA: the identity reboot sequence.) We’ll talk about this in the next section.

• TL;DR of the TL;DR:
  Change your coding, change your identity. Change your identity, change your reality. BOOOM CHICKA WA WA!

SECTION 4: The 6 Steps Of The Recode Method™

AKA: the identity reboot sequence that shifts timelines.

These six steps walk you from the life you’re unconsciously repeating
→ to the reality your Quantum Co-Creatrix Self is already living in.

This is the part that made clients cry, roar, have major breakthroughs, meet their power, quit jobs, fall back in love, raise their prices, heal old wounds, and collapse time like they had a magic wand. NBD. But…actually a HUGE DEAL.

Here’s an overview of the 6 Steps that we’ll explore in more depth in a hot sec…

Read more

• the moon’s vibe // quick, cosmic mood check on what the moon is stirring in our emotional, creative, and mother-woman bodies today

• the maaaayhem // the messy, chaotic, slightly unhinged edges this moon might yank to the surface

• the medicine // the grounded, soulful (sometimes uncomfortable) truth the day is inviting you to lean into—the thing your wiser self already knows ;)

• a micro-ritual + spell // a tiny, doable moment of embodiment or intention to help you anchor the energy instead of getting swept under it.

The Vibe Today

Moon is at 27º Virgo. Who is ready for some Libra Moon vibes? Just me? Ha ha...

Today is the emotional equivalent of your GPS saying:

“Redirecting…
nope, not that way either…
okay babezzz, we’re taking the scenic route.”

This is a cosmic interference day.

A day where:

• Your plans get weird

• Your energy gets unpredictable

• Your emotions zigzag

• Life says, “Hey B…you missed a turn. Let me help you out (chaotically).”

Toay is less about answers and more about the universe gently knocking the steering wheel out of your hands.

…my control freak ain’t loooovin’ this. DEEP BREATHS.

The Mayhem

“You thought today would go one way? Adorable.”

Expect:

• weird timing

• things not going as planned

• disruptions that end up being blessings

• your kid acting a lil coo coo for cocoa puffs

• tech issues, scheduling mishaps, forgotten tasks

• a sudden craving to change something right now!!!

• irritation that’s actually your intuition saying “wrong path!”

It might feel inconvenient, but the stars are saying, IT’S JUST DIVINE INTERFERENCE BOO BOO BABY DOLL!

It’s the universe forcing you to pause, pivot, or choose differently. (It says you’re welcome)

✦ Self-Inquiry:

If today’s interruptions were guidance instead of problems…what might they be redirecting me toward?

MY PERSONAL NOTES:

I’m writing this the night before the 12th sooooo I’m not fully tapped into the energy of the planets as written…buuuut. A part of me is kinda giddy and excited about something SPONTANEOUSLY MAGICAL happening. At least that’s how I’m deciding to interpret all this ;)

The Medicine

The medicine of today is let the reroute happen. Don't try to force yourself through the wrong door.

Instead of forcing anything today:

• follow the spark

• listen to the pause

• trust the disruption

• consider the path-of-least-resistance

• notice what feels oddly easy (that’s the breadcrumb trail)

• notice what suddenly feels heavy (that’s a no)

Today’s clarity isn’t mental. It’s more somatic. So really trust those bodily feels.

✦ Self-Inquiry

Where does my body say “go” today…and where does it whisper (or scream) “not this”?

MY PERSONAL NOTES:

I’ve enjoyed committing to the experiment of doing this series daily, buuuut on the final day it feels more like a “gotta do” than a “desire to do”…so…while it was fun, I’m gonna quit the daily Mother + Moon Reports and see if they want to be a weekly thing or monthly, or nothinnn’!

The whole point of this publication is to support us in our TRUEST becoming—mine included ;) You don’t know unless you try something, so I’ll keep trying and see what feels like MEEE! But I’m feeling the whisper of “not this”…or not QUITE this. There’s something about it that I really love…but I think the biggie has been taking time for my own internal reflection. And I know I can explore that in many other ways. STAY TUNED!

Micro-Ritual & Spell (30 seconds, pinky swear)

Stand or sit still.
Place your hand on your heart.
Close your eyes.

Say:

“Show me the path of least resistance today.”

Wait two breaths.
Feel the direction your body subtly leans…or the way it wants to move…or the energy coursing through it…

Follow that today.

Spell:
“I welcome the reroute. I trust what opens easily. I release what resists.”

Seal it with a big SQUEEEEZE around your body. And thank it for being a tuning fork for your desired frequency and highest timeline.

AND SO IT IS.

• the moon’s vibe // quick, cosmic mood check on what the moon is stirring in our emotional, creative, and mother-woman bodies today

• the maaaayhem // the messy, chaotic, slightly unhinged edges this moon might yank to the surface

• the medicine // the grounded, soulful (sometimes uncomfortable) truth the day is inviting you to lean into—the thing your wiser self already knows ;)

• a micro-ritual + spell // a tiny, doable moment of embodiment or intention to help you anchor the energy instead of getting swept under it.

The Vibe Today

Moon still in Virgo (but deeeeper now). Last Quarter moon.

Virgo moon wants order, Venus and Mars in Sagittarius stoke desire and impulse, and Jupiter retrograde in Cancer gently (…or not-so-gently) pulls old emotional stories to the surface. You’ve got grounding and longing, clarity and chaos, rest and restless wanting alllllll swirling together. OH LORDYYYY!

Today is not “calm Virgo.” Today is Virgo sharpened by Scorpio-Mercury truth serum. She’s sorting your inner landscape: the resentments, the cravings, the unmet needs, the small lies you tell to keep the peace, the quiet truths you swallow to stay “good.”

The Mayhem

Today the truth doesn’t stay quiet. The body doesn’t lie. And those previously sneaky patterns have no place to hide. GULP.

You might feel:

• hyper-aware of subtext, tone, body language

• emotionally sensitive but mentally sharp

• irritated by inefficiency, vagueness, fluff

• pulled between Virgo practicality and Sagittarian restlessness

• like everything needs a tune-up

• like something is “off” even if no one else notices

• like you want to say something you’ve been holding for days (weeks, months, hey, maybe even years)

• the urge to reorganize your life or burn it down (no middle ground lol)

✦ Self-Inquiry:

Sorta similar to yesterday…but asked in a different way…What tiny irritation is actually pointing to a much deeper need I have—but maaaaybe I haven’t been brave enough to name that need yet? And how would taking care of this need actually free my soul?

MY PERSONAL NOTES:

For me, there are a lot of little to medium health things going on. Yes, it’s effing annoying that I’ve been sick for basically every week for the past 2 months. I’m blaming it on my pregnancy immune system…buuuut what if I could be more resilient? My sleep is mehhhh. My energy is BLAHHH. And again…I keep chalking it up to pregnancy and maybe it is just that. But something deeper within me knows there’s MORE that I can do to support myself and my health. And not from a place of I NEED TO DO ALL THE THINGS OMG STRESS. But from a place of my body DESERVES to be nourished and loved and supported to the very best of my ability.

This would free up soooo much MENTAL SPACE. omggggg. The amount of time I spend stressing about things is cray. And my body would feel so much more alive and free and have a greater capacity to be the full-range woman I deeply desire.

The Medicine

The medicine of today is discernment without self-judgment.

Scorpio-Mercury wants the REAL truth.
Virgo Moon wants the CLEAN truth.
Sagittarius planets want the LIBERATING truth.

Sit with your softer self—the one Jupiter retrograde in Cancer is vibin’ with! The one that remembers womb, healing, nostalgia, home, and roots anchor us back into our truth and alignment.

So the medicine is:

Tell yourself the truth without turning it into a self-critique.

Feel into what feels out of algnment…and what tiny adjustment would feel kind to you today.

This is the kind of day where:

• one honest conversation softens everything

• one small adjustment in expectations brings relief

• one admission (“I’m tired,” “I need help,” “I want more,” “I’m not okay”) opens new possibilities

• one boundary becomes non-negotiable

• one desire stops pretending to be polite or palatable or not “too much”

✦ Self-Inquiry

If I stopped demanding more from myself, and focused on one thing that would FREE me…what would my mind/body/soul finally be free to experience?

MY PERSONAL NOTES:

Hmmm for me this is more around business and purpose. I recently wrote about desperate I feel to FIND *MY THING* and with that comes the pressure of “getting it right” or making it “big.” I have a tendency going BALLS TO THE WALLS with an idea and then burning out (which I wrote about here). So instead of DEMANDING that I figure it out and birth an ENTIRE BRAND UNIVERSE in a week like I normally do, I’m focusing on MY JOY. My TURN ON. MY ALIVENESS. The things that are lighting me up and that I’m enjoying. Not for it to “make sense” or make any cents (ha ha ha, I think I’m witty!), but just for it to fulfill me.

I had an epic call with my astrologer Tami Burke yesterday and her invitations for me were:

• To follow the energy of Uranus in the 10th House by exploring new career ideas without pressure.

• She shared, “You can be good at anything, you know. So the question for you then, with that Taurus in Scorpio is, how does it feel in my body? Does it bring pleasure to me? Would I enjoy doing it in a moment-to-moment in real life way…not just the idea of it?” OMG THIIIIIS. I can truly be successful in whatever I do, I know that, I feel that. But I don’t actually ENJOY everything…or most things. Haha. And I definitely get off on the ideas of things but not the actual execution of them. So…I need to really get off on the in the moment doing of the thing! DUH. But wow. Needed that reminder.

• And with my Midheaven in Gemini, constantly check in to see , “Is it fun? Do I like to do it?!”

The ultimate assignment for now was to start an “energy journal” to track what feels alive and pleasurable each day. And to start to notice each of the things as little bread crumbs and threads that can weave together to create “my thing”—but all in due time and with the energy of exploration over forcing.

Feels so yum to me, so if you want to take it on for yourself, be my guest!!

Micro-Ritual & Spell (30 seconds, pinky swear)

Sit with your face up on your lap.
Inhale through the nose.
Exhale through parted lips.

Ask:
“What am I carrying/holding?”

Wait…then ask…

“What is mine to carry?”

And finally…

“What is not mine?”

Let your body respond before your mind.

Spell:
“I release what isn’t mine to hold. I call forth and claim what frees me.”

Take one more breath to seal it in. Mmmm yessss!

• the moon’s vibe // quick, cosmic mood check on what the moon is stirring in our emotional, creative, and mother-woman bodies today

• the maaaayhem // the messy, chaotic, slightly unhinged edges this moon might yank to the surface

• the medicine // the grounded, soulful (sometimes uncomfortable) truth the day is inviting you to lean into—the thing your wiser self already knows ;)

• a micro-ritual + spell // a tiny, doable moment of embodiment or intention to help you anchor the energy instead of getting swept under it.

The Vibe Today

Moon in Virgo. Waning Gibbous.

We’ve slid from Leo’s spotlight-showroom into Virgo’s back-door laundry room.
This moon is asking us to make sense of the chaos and to sort the glitter from the dust (so to speak). It’s giving *investigative energy.*

With Moon in Virgo + Mercury still in Scorpio + Venus/Mars in Sagittarius, the day feels a lil like, “Let me analyze the hell out of everything…and then run toward the next exciting possibility.”

The Mayhem

Hiii after party hangover feeling!

• yesterday’s heart-on-fire might turn into today’s tight jaw, buzzing nerves, or overstimulated exhaustion.

• little annoyances feel big (yup, bigger than yesterday with this eagle-eyed, tuned in Virgo energy! you’ve got little to no patience for the dishes stacking weirdly, toys out of place, awkward smells, and noises that grate on your eardrums

• the internal tug-of-war: part of you wants to organize, clean, and make sense of the mess—the other part wants to say “BYYYYE world” and disappear for a bit (or a while)

✦ Self-Inquiry:

What if the friction/chaos/mess I’m feeling isn’t another “to-do” or failure—but a signal to pay attention? What’s trying to get my attention under the irritation, and what would feel lighter if I finally heard it?

MY PERSONAL NOTES:

Mhmmm. Yup. There’s been a lot of friction with “receiving support” and feeling guilt around having people help out. Even when they are being paid to do so 🤪

My husband texted me this morning saying, “I’m going to ask XXX (our nanny) to work later tomorrow and Friday. You need more support. I know it’s asking a lot of her but that’s what she’s there for. You’re pregnant and exhausted, we don’t need to be martyrs.”

EEEEE. CRUNCH. I am so hyper aware of making sure other people aren’t overloaded. Especially when I feel like I’m being “dramatic” about my load…because it might not SEEM like a lot from the outside. But internally, a lot is happening.

So yes…even though I already do have a lot more support than other people (hence the guilt), I’m a needy little bitch right now (and kinda always), and so just really owning that and releasing the stigma of shame/embarrassment/guilt around it is something I know will be WILDLY supportive for me.

The Medicine

Today invites you to honor the slow work behind the scenes and tend to the ground beneath your lil footsies.

The day is great for:

• naming what’s not working

• cleaning one small corner of your life

• telling the truth kindly

• planning your next thing

• resting your overstimulated nervous system

Terrible for:

• making yourself wrong for needing a minute

• pretending you don’t want more

• micro-managing where the energy naturally wants to flow

So…lean into the small rituals: cleaning with intention, organizing one little spot, soft lighting to set the mood, making nourishing food, soft silence, deeeep breaths.
This moon isn’t about fireworks and a show—it’s about care and tenderness.

✦ Self-Inquiry

What would it look like to mother yourself gently today? What small act of care (for your body, your space, or your mind) would feel like a swoonalicious dream offered to your future self? Do that ;)

MY PERSONAL NOTES:

Hmmmmmmm…currently sitting here writing this with a yummy cup of tea. So that feels delish.

But what I think would be a great gift to myself is to give myself EXTRA TIME.

So the space in-between appointments, errands, pick-up, calls, etc. feels well, spacious, and there isn’t a frantic rushing around and squeeeeezing-things-out-til-the-verrrrry-last-moment dance going on that I usually do.

Wish me luck ;)

Micro-Ritual & Spell (30 seconds, pinky swear)

Pour a cup of water (or tea). Hold the cup in both hands. Close your eyes. Feel the weight, the warmth, and the present moment.

Invocation:
“I welcome the quiet. I let the dust settle softly without needing to force anything. I give myself nourishing time and space—and that makes all the difference.”

Take slow, savoring sips and allow yourself to soak in the stillness of even just 30 seconds!!

I’ve always wanted to believe magic is REAL. And while I’m a believer I’m also a HUGE skeptic. I challenge everything (as a means of understanding more deeply).

I even became a certified astrologer years ago because I wanted to finally feel like I had CERTAINTY that this was “real.” And while there were lots of soul winks and nudges, I also had more questions.

Allllll this to say...questioning everything and believing nothing takes a toll. Something I’ve wanted to do for some time now is to just BELIEVE...and see what happens.

Because we can choose to find all the reasons why the world is not magical or we can choose to find all the reasons why it is. And I’d SO much rather be the latter!

So...I’m creating this series to be a lil pocket ritual and doorway into *oooo* and *ahhh* kinda wonder!

Every day for the next week, I’ll share:

• the moon’s vibe // quick, cosmic mood check on what the moon is stirring in our emotional, creative, and mother-woman bodies today

• the maaaayhem // the messy, chaotic, slightly unhinged edges this moon might yank to the surface

• the medicine // the grounded, soulful (sometimes uncomfortable) truth the day is inviting you to lean into—the thing your wiser self already knows ;)

• a micro-ritual + spell // a tiny, doable moment of embodiment or intention to help you anchor the energy instead of getting swept under it.

I know we don’t NEED astrology to anchor us into our day or create more whimsy, buuuut hey, it could help! Because the act of paying attention—really paying attention—actually changes things.

Wanna commit to doing this together for at least the next week and see what happens?!

C’monnnn! Let’s get wild and treat the world like it’s drenched in meaning. Let’s see what it does for our mothering and sense of aliiiiveness, shall we?!

Let me know in the comments!

The Vibe Today

Moon in Leo (strutting around at 19°) Waning Gibbous aka: the moon is in her “I’ve given you everything, please let me nap” era. (SAME GIRL, SAME.)

With the moon in Leo, the drama is high, the heart is loud, and your inner showgirl might be feeling some type of way.

BUT—because we’re in the waning phase, it’s also giving “I’m sparkly AF but also dead inside…please hold my hand while I quietly shed my entire identity” energy.

Kinda confusing, but if you feel tender and theatrical at the same time, congratulations, you’re a human rockinnn’ it on earth at this moment of time.

The Mayhem

This moon exposes the inner mama beast who wants to be adored and left alone.

You might feel, simultaneously:

• like you need a 6-foot radius of personal space

• …but also want someone to stroke your hair and murmur sweet nothings like “you’re doing amazing you magnificent creature, you!”

• irrationally irritated by…everyone?? (including the person you explicitly told to “call me back whenever”…who then did…and somehow still annoyed you…)

• expressive (“should I start a podcast today? No? Yes??”)

• protective (“touch my kid and I will BITE”)

• overstimulated by your kids’ volume, needs, enthusiasm, breathing patterns

• and wildly tender under it all

Your kids may also be little Leo moons today—performing, roaring, demanding applause!! (This is my daughter and her Leo rising every day thooo).

✦ Self-Inquiry:

Where am I secretly craving more space—and where am I secretly craving more affection—and how can I stop expecting my people to psychically guess which one I need today and just tell ‘em straight up?

MY PERSONAL NOTES:

I’m secretly craving more space for ME and my creativity…my rest…my wellness…my rejuvenation.

And I’m secretly craving more praise. Like, “Yessss Lex, I see you!! Pouring your heart and creativity out into this Substack page and going for it…even and especially when you are throwing so many types of spaghetti at the wall. It’s a gorgeous masterpiece! A one-of-a-kind-creation-that-is-only-yours!”

I’m gonna ask my hubby for some even more space for me. Even though his work schedule is CRAZY, he’s been super helpful and supportive in this area. So gonna acknowledge him and say “Love you, thank you, more please!”

And to all of you…if you’re digging this Substack and what I’m writing will you pretty please let me know? And hey, share it with a friend (or a zillion)? Thank you!!!! TRULY!

The Medicine

Today asks you to honor what’s true without feeling the need bypass and perform. K?!

The waning moon is the part of the cycle where you get to let shit go (I’d recommend this as an everyday practice, but hey, now’s the best time to give it a real go).

BYYYYEEEE expectations. Pretend-you. “I’m fine” you. Any versions of yourself no one is asking for but you still insist on auditioning as.

K—PAUSE. And locate that part I’m talking about (if you haven’t already…you probably have…it was probably the thing that popped up invited into your brain).

Let your shoulders drop.
Unclench your jaw.
Release (or at the very least) identify the part you’re clinging to that you know would SERVE YOU (and probs everyone else) if you let her go.

✦ Self-Inquiry

What’s the version of me that’s taking center stage, when it’s really time for her to exit stage left?! And…who am I underneath her?

MY PERSONAL NOTES:

For me: It’s the “I’m being a productive “working mom”!!!” part.

I had the best of intentions to write up a storm for the subby today (and turns out, I’m doing it later than anticipated, but still doing it)…my nanny is here taking care of my son and I went up to “go work” but really, I just ended up laying down for a couple hours. There’s definitely a part of myself that feels GUILTY resting when she’s working. And like I need a “legit” reason to have nanny like “work.” But rest and growing a baby in me is SO EFFING LEGIT.

So…underneath her, I’m a mama growing a baby who deeply desires to be creative…but also knows creating life is WORTHY and deserving of support.

Deep exhallllleee…

Micro-Ritual & Spell (30 seconds, pinky swear)

Find a doorway or threshold (literal or visualize it).
Stand there for a moment.
Inhale slowly.
On the exhale, imagine the version of you that’s trying waaaay too hard stepping back behind the door and dissolving into soft light.

Then whisper or think in your head:

“I release the shoulds. I keep the truth.
I am allowed to do less and be more.”

Let your shoulders drop all the way down.
Let your jaw unclench like it’s been waiting centuries.
Let your body feel how relieving it is to not force anything. (YUMMM.)

Now…imagine the truest version of you stepping through the doorway/threshold and feel her energy enter YOU. Liiike it just dissolves into your being and WHOOSH. You are her. She is you.

You’re welcome ;)

Who This Is For

If you felt your sole (SOUL!) calling was schedules, wiping butts, and chasing imaginary gold stars of being a “good mom”…this prob isn't for you ;)

If you crave spaces where mothers get to be honest, alive, contradictory, brilliant, messy, magical creatures—hiii! You've found us! We love you already.

MOTHER & is for the woman who’s in her #momlife era and her #morealive era.

If you’re here, you know raising babies and becoming the FULLEST most sizzlin’, full-range, litty in the titties version of you can co-exist. You are so DONE pretending you’re only one thing. *Snoooooze.*

You’re ready to meet the woman, the artist, the visionary, the witch, the lover, the chaos creature, and the truth-teller living underneath any single role

Why MOTHER & Exists

There’s no denying motherhood is an ever changing and spiraling journey.

And I want every woman who crosses this threshold to know:
your becoming is not a detour, a nice-to-have some day, an inconvenience, or a guilty pleasure—it’s the medicine you, your babies, and the world have been waiting for.

We’re here for the full journey of matrescence—the identity rupture, the rebirth, the shadows you didn’t see coming, the desires you can’t shake, the lineage you’re untangling, and the community your soul has been begging for.

MOTHER & is…

Where you get to show up as the mother & everything else you are.
Where we talk about the things you have swirling in your brain at 3am but rarely say out loud.
Where your sassy, sweary, sacred, silly, sexy, soulful self is alllll welcome!

Oh…and where you NEVER feel like you have to mother any one “right way” (see below).

The Myth of The One “Right” Way

There is NO one way to mother.

And yet…almost every damn mom I know still carries the ache that maaaaybe (probably) she’s not doing it right. Or not doing enough. Or not doing it like her—you know, the mom who’s meal-preppin’ with one hand while breastfeeding with the other and somehow still looks like she’s made from moonlight and starlight.

But that mom doesn’t exist. At least not the way you think.

What does exist is an entire constellation of mothers out here doing it their own freaking way. Some with a nanny and chef and color-coded calendar. Some with two jobs and no partner. Some who co-parent. Some who solo parent. Some who became mothers by choice, others by surprise, others through heartbreak, longing, loss, or divine rerouting.

Some are in the newborn haze. Others are blending families. Some are in the sweet spot where their kids sleep past 6am and no one’s smearing yogurt on the wall. (I wonder what that’s like…) Some are mothering full-time. Some are building businesses. Some are doing both in the frontseat of a parked car while a toddler naps and the WiFi barely holds.

Motherhood is constantly shapeshifting, which means there’s no formula. Only the truth that the way you mother gets to fit you—your life, your body, your capacity, your nervous system, your values, your resources, your desires in this moment.

The System Would Prefer You Not Notice…

The patriarchy would lurrrrvvv for us to keep mothering in silence and comparison—so we don’t notice how warped and narrow the “right” way has become. It would lurrrrvvv for us to burn ourselves out on the altar of invisible labor while pretending we’re fine 😅 And hot diggity dog, it would really LURV for us to judge each other instead of gather together to witness and cheer each other on.

The system thrives when we stay small, silent, and self-doubting. But mothers thrive when we tell the truth—and witness each other in it.

That’s what we’re all about here ;)

The Power of The “&”

This is MOTHER &.
The “and” is everrrrything.
Because you’re a mother and a human.
Mother and wild.
Mother and a creative.
Mother and tender.
Mother and a dreamer.
Mother and ambitious.
Mother and a matcha enthusiast.
Mother and messy.
Mother and a hobby horser (maybe?! plz tell me if you are).
Mother and not entirely sure you want to mother like this anymore and are dreaming of a different way…

Every mother has multiple possibly hidden, vvv holy aspects of her life that don’t just evaporate once children arrive.This space is where those parts get to breathe again and come out from hiding and SHIIINE.

The New Series + It’s 7 Juicy Questions

While this entire publication is devoted to sharing a spectrum of truths about motherhood—with all the contradictions and complexity and beauty and heartbreak and freedom that comes with choosing your own way. I realllly wanted to share the experiences of MANY mothers. Not just me, myself, and I.

So, to honor the many ways to mother, I will be asking women across wildly different lives and stages a set of questions that cut through the “shoulds” and reveal the soul of how she uniquely mothers. EEEEEK, I’m soullll excited!!!

I plan to ask…

What season are you in?

• Give us the snapshot—life, capacity, context.

• How many kids? What ages? Anything important to note about them and the stage they’re in or who they are?

• What’s the feel of this chapter for you?

On identity + origin story

• What version of “mother” were you taught to become—and which parts did you choose to keep or burn?

• What kind of mother did you actually imagine being before life happened and pulled you in the direction you’re in?

• What surprised you most about who you are in this season?

What are your “&s”? Aka the identities, desires, and roles that exist alongside “mother.”

• Which of your “&s” feel most alive right now? Which feel underfed?

• What part of you do people forget exists because they mainly see the mom version?

• What feels SO freaking crucial to your aliveness and vitality (at least in this season) that you prioritize and make time/energy/space for?

• What “&” would you resurrect if guilt, comparison, embarrassment, or shame weren’t invited to the party?

What does your support system actually look like?

• Who helps you care for your children day-to-day?

• What support do you have that you’re grateful for…and how do you feel naming it out loud? Proud…weird…shameful?

• If you built your ideal support structure without shame, pressure, or comparison, what would it look like?

What do you love about the way you mother?

• What feels sacred or deeply right about your way (for you, during this season)?

• What choice or style or way makes you feel, “Yuuup—this is perfect for me”?

• What has made motherhood more enjoyable/magical/juicy/interesting/fulfilling/sustainable for you?

What feels really hard?

• What parts stretch you the most?

• What do people not see?

• What feels like too much…or not enough…or both?

What’s a belief you hold about motherhood or being a woman that might shock people or rock the boat?

• What do you believe about mothering that goes against the cultural script you inherited or have heard?

• What feels true in your bones—even if others would side-eye it?

• What rule did you realize you don’t actually believe in?

• What’s something you haven’t said out loud about your beliefs/the way you mother—but are now ready to?

What Happens When Women Answer Honestly

Omggg I’m so excited to read these answers!! Because even following a range of mamas across the internet (and in real life), I def have a reaction to what they share. Some moms inspire me, some things they say/do feel edgy, some empower me to do things differently, and some just don’t resonate at all (at least not right now). And that’s perfect.

Because the point isn’t for all of us to agree, but to make space for the breadth of truth without hierarchy or shame—so we can return to our own knowing.

Just one woman owning her truth becomes a permission slip for the rest of us. So a here’s my deep thank you, in advance, to the women who will be part of this and share.

An Invitation While You Engage With This Series

As you read, don’t look for the “right” way to do this.
Look for the share that makes your body exhale. The sentence that gives you permission to mother on your terms. And as you do, keep reminding yourself that your way—yesss, even with the messy parts, the contradictions, the weird cobbled-together mix of privilege and pressure—is PERFECT.

You are not doing it wrong. Unless it feels wrong for you. You are not less worthy because your motherhood doesn’t look like hers.

This is the many ways to mother.

What’s yours?

(Oooh I can’t wait to hear more!!!)

Xx, Lex

PS — Pretty please with a cherry on top, reply, comment, or DM me on the gram @lexidangelo with who you’d LOVE to see featured as part of this series!!

The Myth of Consistency

I used to think that I was wildly inconsistent. Unpredictable. An enigma!

I mean, I kinda still like to think I’m an enigma ;) Being a woman of mystery sounds sexy to me.

BUT…AND!

I’ve actually come to realize that I’m simply (ok, complexly) a CYCLICAL CREATURE!

And if you’re a mother—a creative, sensitive, deeply-feeling one—there’s a strong chance this is you, too.

In a world where the mainstream advice is “BE CONSISTENT.”

“Do x daily.”

“You’re a flake if you disappear off social media!!!”

I failed. Womp womp.

Or so I thought (for a while).

I would buy into this narrow (cough, patriarchal, cough) narrative and would beat myself up over it.

Like truly. I would make myself feel SO wrong for not being one of those people who pumped out content like a predictable machine every day at the perfectly aligned algorithm time of 9:52pm ET.

Cuz I was more like a Jekyll and Hyde. I’d get on the consistent train (choo choo!) and be riding it for a bit and then BYEYEEEYEYEYEEEE! See ya never!

Then I’d come back with a BURST of SOOOO MUCH CONTENT CRAZINESS.

And then nothing at all.

✦ Reflection for You

• When have you forced yourself into linear, masculine productivity…and paid for it?

• Where does your real rhythm actually want to take you?

Motherhood Turned the Inconsistency Way Up

In the throes of motherhood, I have never found myself MORE on the opposite ends of the spectrum (of creation mode vs BYE SEE YA NEVER AGAIN mode). And I had never felt more confused or frustrated with my creative work and purpose than in the past few years.

I am NOT knocking motherhood.

It’s one of the BEST things that’s ever happened to me.

Not just because I have two insanely cute, silly children that I love beyond words (and a third on the way)! But because it’s shaped me (more like broken me down, grinded me up, and spit me out) into the woman I am today. Aka the TRUEST version of me.

It’s kind of nice to feel precious about how I’m using my resources. I know that if I’m spending the time, money, or energy, it’s probably because it’s important to me and/or feels really good and supportive. So yay!

✦ Reflection for You

• How has motherhood sharpened your discernment or changed your creative capacity?

• What did the “maiden you” expect you to be able to do that the “mother you” no longer has space (or desire) to uphold?

My Four-Year Initiation

I got pregnant in April of 2021. I had my daughter in January of 2022. Got pregnant again in May of 2023. Had a miscarriage in July of 2023. Got pregnant again in December of 2023. Had my son in August of 2024. And got pregnant again in September of 2025 with our baby girl due in June of 2026.

Obviously all of this is a WILD journey in itself. Just the physical experience of it is LE WHOA. But mix in the emotional, mental, identity, hormonal, spiritual sides…And DAMN. It’s a doozy.

After having my daughter my identity went through the WRINGER. A year postpartum I shut down my 7-figure coaching certification business and was left in the liminal waters of who the eff am I beyond my fancy shmancy titles and certifications. Turns out, I had no freaking clue.

I really leaned heavily on my “successful” persona to be liked and “cool”. And without it, I felt like a naked awkward duck.

Not to mention, the ROLLERCOASTER of my energy and therefore creativity was beyond anything I had ever experienced.

In the zoomed in micro view I felt like a complete mess shit show. Instead of giving myself permission to be human—or…cyclical—I kept thinking I was the problem.

But…zooming out into the macro view of the past 4+ years, I can see that it all followed a VERY predictable pattern. HA!

Turns out I’m not broken…I’m a brilliant WOMAN being (and you are too!).

With each pregnancy and postpartum experience, I’ve gained even more trust in the process and the knowing that I will find myself (again).

✦ Reflection for You

• If you zoomed out on the last 1–5 years of your life, what patterns or cycles do you see that you missed in real time?

• What identities did you shed—willingly or unwillingly—when you became a mother? And what new (maybe even more true!) identities did that shedding make space for?

The Pattern (AKA: The Cyclical Mother’s Creative Spiral)

Here’s the juicy part—the creative pattern revealed I wasn’t inconsistent…just seasonal 🍂

My pattern seems to go a lil something like this…

PRE-PREGNANCY-5 WEEK PREGGY:

• Creativity is at a HIGH. I have an INCREDIBLE idea for a whoooole new business (or how to revamp my existing business completely). I set out to change the world!!! And I basically do, I execute like a mofo and birth something really cool…only to enter…

6-13 WEEKS PREGGY:

• LOLOLOL. I have ZERO energy. There is NO way I can sustain the momentum I created and that brilliant idea that launched? SMELL YA LATER! Must’ve been a completely different Lexi who had that idea. Cuz the only ideas I have are fantasizing about when I can lay down next and what fantasy romance world can help numb me from this debilitating nausea.

13-27 WEEKS PREGGY:

• Oh baby! I’m starting to feel the sparks of ME and my genius again. WOW, that feels fucking GOOD. Hello old friend, remember me?!

• Ok…energy is online…but where are my ideas?! I MUST CAPITALIZE ON THEM WHILE I HAVE THE ENERGY.

• I come up with an idea and I flyyyy!!!!

27-35 WEEK PREGGY:

• The reality that I’m about to birth a baby hits a bit harder. I start to panic. Things feel soooo good and flowy right now…but I know I’m gonna slow down. Ugh! How can I plan and prepare for this?!

35-40+ WEEKS PREGGY:

• Ha ha ha. Why would I ever want to run a business? Nesting and prepping for baby and chilling and being with my loved ones is where it’s at. I think I’ll be a SAHM from now on.

BIRTH-4 WEEKS POSTPARTUM:

• It’s allllll a blur. We are in survival mode. No thoughts or cares about creativity.

4-8 WEEKS POSTPARTUM:

• Mmm I’m starting to remember what being a human feels like. I think I just want to be a human. Nothing else. Let me enjoy this a bit longer…

8-16 WEEKS POSTPARTUM:

• Ok…I’m getting antsy, I want to FEEEL the whoosh and swoosh of stimulation and ideation! But realistically I need a zillion more hours of sleep and have this cute lil boob sucker on me constantly, so I’ll just enter dream land and fantasize about what I could do in the future…

BEYOND:

• Then beyond that…I get an idea again, go balls to the walls with it…and then the kids and I get sick.

• That stops me in my tracks.

• I slowly get energy again and feel deep gratitude for health and enjoy being a human.

• I get a hit of inspo again…I follow it.

• Life happens again and I need to pause.

✦ Reflection for You

• Which of these pregnancy/postpartum moments are you in right now—or which one feels most familiar?

• If these don’t reflect your sitch, what are pieces of your pattern?

• Where do you feel the most resistance in this pattern? Where do you feel the most relief?

The Seasons (NOT Failures) of Motherhood

Idk about you, I would always describe the rhythm of motherhood as an inevitable, unstoppable START. STOP. START. STOP.

THIS RYTHM DROVE ME EFFING CRAZZZYYYYYY—especially with my first when I was NOT used to anyone else dictating my life. With my second I came to expect it, so it wasn’t as much of a shock. And with my third? We’ll see!

But! What I now know (and appreciate) is…

As mothers. As cyclical creatures…we cannot create the same type of businesses or pursue our creative desires in the same way we did in our maidenhood. Or in the way the marketing bros out there are doing.

And that’s totally OK!!!

Sure, it requires some adjusting. But it’s not a sentence to the END OF IT ALL. No effing way.

We STILL get to be MOTHER & ________ all the damn things we desire. It’s just gonna look a bit different now.

As cyclical creatures, we move and create in SEASONS!

Aka we’re beautiful beasts of nature so we’re just doing what nature does. HELLO PERMISSION SLIP!

Every season has a purpose and a vibe. None is better than any others. Sure, you might have a personal preference or have a season that feels most you, but really, you’re ALL of them.

And when you can understand each season and embrace its magic, SO MUCH frees up. There’s less of a struggle and fight and more of a surrender and flow. Of course it’s not all rainbows and butterflies, but I do think it makes way for so much more compassion and trust.

✦ Reflection for You

• Where in your life are you still expecting yourself to operate like a maiden or a bro—linear, predictable, and endlessly available? (And is that expectation even remotely realistic…or kind…or what you TRULY desire?)

• What are you afraid will happen if you stop trying to be consistent and start honoring your cyclical nature instead?

• What does “MOTHER & ________” mean for you in this exact chapter of your life? (Without comparing it to who you were before kids…or who all da Instagram influencers tell you you should be.)

A Quickie Guide To The Seasons

Your motherhood seasons might take on qualities and textures verrrrry different than the ones I’m sharing below. But as a general guide, here’s what each season might look/feel like for you!

SPRING — The Reawakening

Energy returning. Ideas sprouting. Libido flickering back to life. The “ohhh there she is” moment.

This is the season where you suddenly remember you’re not just a milk machine or snack concierge. Your brain clicks on. Your creativity tingles. You feel the first spark of me-ness again.

Looks like:

• New ideas

• Desire to organize, plan, create

• Playfulness with your partner or kids

• A tiny bit more capacity

Shadow: Overestimating your energy + trying to do everything at once.

Reflection:
Where do I feel the first sparks of aliveness trying to come through? …and do I want to follow through on them in “Summer”?

SUMMER — The Expansion

High energy (for now). Full bloom. Creativity ON FIRE. Mama is vibing.

This is your “I could run a small country” season. You feel capable, magnetic, generous. Your ideas overflow. You actually believe in your dreams again…and you’re making them happen left, right, and center!!

Looks like:

• Projects take shape

• Social energy increases

• You initiate more

• Your power and magic feel ALIIIIIIVE

Shadow: Burnout risk. Thinking this season is supposed to last forever.

Reflection:
Where can I ride the wave without trying to turn it into a lifestyle? Aka how can I capitalize on the energy and momentum of this seasons WITHOUT expecting it to last and be like this forever and ever, amen?

AUTUMN — The Descent

Discernment. Slowing. The truth rising. Preparing to let go.

This is where you feel yourself pulling inward. Your tolerance for bullshit drops to zero. You’re editing your life, your friendships, your commitments. You feel the need to prepare, nest, and tighten boundaries.

Looks like:

• Wanting more structure, clarity, solitude

• Reassessing everything (ha…help…)

• Reorganizing the house, the apps, the plans

• Feeling a little less social, a little more tender

Shadow: Feeling “lazy” or “unproductive” because you’re not as outward-facing.

Reflection:
What wants to be simplified or released so I can breathe?

WINTER — The Cocoon

The deep pause. Rest. Integration. Going subterranean (byeeee).

Winter is not the problem. Winter is the WISDOM. This is the postpartum of the creative cycle. The time when you can’t force clarity, ideas, or energy (even if you wanted to) because your body is metabolizing everything you’ve lived.

Looks like:

• Low energy

• Needing extra help, extra sleep, extra softness, extra TLC!

• Feeling foggy or uninspired

• Being “just a human” (which for multidimensional magical women can feel weird, but it’s perfect! we gotta love our human!)

Shadow: Shame for not “doing enough,” comparing yourself to people in their spring or summer seasons, especially.

Reflection:
What do I need to let myself fully be here without making it wrong? And how could being in this space actually be SUCH A FREAKING GIFT?!

✦ More Reflections for You

• What season are you in right now—energetically, emotionally, creatively? Vs. what season do you find yourself wanting to be in?

• If your season had a message for you right now, what would it be asking? (Rest? Play? Boundaries? Creativity? Support? Permission to be human?)

• How would your life feel (and maybe even change) if you trusted that every season eventually shifts—and none of them define you forever?

Okidokeyyyy! That’s all for meow. I hope this journal entry made you feel a little less alone and like maaaaybe you’re not failing and maaaaybe you’re just a perfectly wildly feminine being!

I’d love love LOVE to hear what this brought up for you and what was sparked in any of the “reflection” prompts.

Also…what season are you in??? Whether you wanna name it “fall” or “feral survival mode”…tell me! I looove hearing!!

The cyclical, sacred, ever-shapeshifting creature in me witnesses and honors the cyclical, sacred, ever-shapeshifting creature in you <3 xoxoxo

I present you with a diary entry straight from my personal Notion. You’ve been warned. 😈

Meow meow meow.

I feel very stuck on my direction and what I want to do…with my life?? That feels soOoO existential. But here we are 💅🏻

Yes, it’s day 1 of 2nd Trimester and here I am wanting to feel the fiiiiire! Feel the productivity! THE PASSION, THE ALIVENESS!

And…I’m still a bit tired.

I’m stressing because I did a 72-hour holter monitor a few weeks ago because of heart palpitations I was experiencing…and my doctor messaged asking if we could go over the results in 2 days time…and I’m like, “WHAT ARE THE DAMN RESULTS?” Ugh.

For the past 13+ years I’ve been trying to find my thing.

And then I get a hit. And I become a maniac.

Lost in the vortex of creation.

And it feels so fucking good.

To become ALL CONSUMED by something.

That I can barely sleep because ideas are buzzing and zinging.

OOOH THE ALIVENESS IS ADDICTING.

And then…once it’s created.

Blah.

Bored.

Over it. BYYYYEEEE.

It’s almost like I hit a wall of burnout. Where I just don’t give a fuck about creating anyyything.

I want to…but I just don’t.

So I laze around. Pick up a new romantasy novel and then get lost in that world.

And I wonder why the hell I ever wanted to work and be productive when I could be part of potions, and spells, and steamy fae love making and all the things.

Eventually, the excitement of the new book series wears off and I come back to the real world.

And only want to do real world things!

I love people. I love mothering. I love house stuff. I love the mundane and infusing magic into.

Oh my! How could I have forgotten how great real life is?!

And then…I get inspired again and lost to an idea and the cycle repeats.

Maybe it’s a creative person thing? Maybe it’s an ADHD thing? IDK.

Whatever it is is, it feels annoying AF because I just want a THING. That feels like MINE. That people know me for and say, “OOOOH LEXI IS YOUR GIRL!”

But nope nope nope I am the Jill of all trades. And that’s cool. But errrrghhhhuhghghghghghgh.

Sometimes I just want my one thing, ya know?!

Do you know? Or am I alone in my mania??!

Here are some recent screenshots/ photos from my camera roll to show you my randomness. I don’t really know why I’m showing you these, but hey, here I am! 😂

1. Recent reads. LOVED the Riftborne + Ascended worlds. Read Riftborne first!! I was honestly kinda over it most of book one…but hang in there, folks! I’m tellin’ ya! The Twisted Sisters (authors of Zodiac Academy, Dark Fae, Darkmore Penitentiary) write stories unlike anyone else. Not in a, “OMG THIS IS GENIUS" kind of way. But it’s interesting and entertaining AF. And some of the characters are so absurdly hilarious. Iron & Embers is a magical school setting, which I’m an absolute sucker for. The Harry Potter lover in me just can’t help but get swept away in ‘em.

2. My face. Lolz. My eyes were so effing itchy and I was so uncomfy so I was just capturing it. We either have a mold problem in our home or I’m allergic to our dogs…or both. It’s a whole thing. Send help, plz.

3. My Human Design chart. Because ya know, as a perpetual seeker I’m constantly trying to learn more about myself (and get answers). So I bought the Projector Playbook by Amy Lea.

   

4. Interior design porn. Gawwwwd I love looking at pictures of pretty homes! I’m wildly effected by my environment and so gorgey aesthetics are legit healing and medicinal to me. We’re in the midst of preparing for a new home (lotssss more on this soon) so I’m looking at all the inspo I can!

4. Someone shared they used this book to help their kids learn to read. I have yet to buy it or try it, but as a mom I feel like I’m constantly saving and screenshotting things I may want/need for the future. The amount of mental tabs we keep open for our kiddies alone is LE WHOA. Am I right?

5. Immune boosters. Took this screenshot of my friend Amy’s story because we have been sick for nearly three months straight and are FINALLY HEALTHY over here. Before I saw her story I’ve been using the Beekeeper’s Naturals Propolis Immune Support for a couple of weeks and idk if it’s that or luck but even with travel and being around some sick kids it’s kept me healthy!

6. Cookbook recipes from Aggie’s “Biohack Your Pregnancy” course. They all look so yummy and doable even with my many food modification requirements. I’m calling in a personal chef so I can have healthy meals made for me and my fam. It’s been hard to find here in Bermuda, so if you know anyone, holler at me please!

7. Workout vids. Also from Aggies’s “Biohack Your Pregnancy” course. I did my first workout in moooonths yesterday. It was a quickie but I’m feeling it. And so grateful to get my body moving and grooving again!

8. More health + peptide shiz. My friend Alexa has been ravin’ about peptides and I’m seeing more and more peeps talking about them. Since I’m preggy I can’t try them myself right now, but I’m creepin’ on everyone talking about them and uber curious.

9. Brunchin’ with my little bestie. We spent 5 nights in a hotel because of the potential mold sitch in our current rental in Bermuda. And Aisy girl loved the hotel life haha. Don’t blame her!

10. Aisy’s photography of me + Drakey. Had lots of slumber party vibes going on in our hotel room and Aisy was having fun capturing some moments.

Ok, this was a bit unhinged and rando, but that’s how I used to write and roll when I wasn’t overthinking anything. So I decided to give it a go again!

Let me know your thoughts, feels, questions, curiosities, etc!

Xx Lex

✋🏻 You felt shockingly alone in the postpartum haze—even if other people were around.

✋🏾 You replayed your birth story in your head over and over…and maybe shared it with a few friends, but never had the deeper support to process and integrate it.

✋🏿You made sure you got the stroller, the swaddles, and the perrrfect registry…but not the circle of support you actually needed.

✋🏼 The frozen meals ran out (if you even got ’em), the texts slowed down, and suddenly it was just you and the ache of WTF do I do now? Who the eff am I?

✋🏻 You felt guilty for grieving—your old life, your body, your emotions—even though you loved your baby like crazy.

✋🏽 You longed for “the village”…but had no idea how to build one.

✋🏿 You felt like parts of you died in motherhood, and EVERYTHING changed…while your partner just remained the same.

Unfortunately this is SOOO common.

The Cultural Problem

Let’s get one thing straight—this isn’t a “you” problem, it’s a cultural problem.

We live in a society that celebrates the baby but forgets the mother. You went through the most radical transformation a human body and psyche can undergo—pregnancy, birth, postpartum—and the world handed you a few casseroles (if you were lucky) and said, “Congrats! How’s the baby sleeping?!”

Meanwhile, you’re sitting in the ashes of your old identity thinking, How the actual fuck is no one talking about this?!

Part of the answer to this is we exist in a broken culture that doesn’t have the language or the rituals for what you went through/are going through.

There’s a word for the process of becoming a mother: matrescence.

Anthropologist Dana Raphael coined it in the 1970s, but how many mothers do you know who’ve even heard it? Have you? I most definitely hadn’t before I began my avid search for WTF was going on with me and why no one else seemed to be talking about it.

Without marking and honoring the SIGNIFICANT threshold we cross in becoming mother, our experience goes wildly unacknowledged.

We don’t have our elders preparing and guiding us. We don’t have a circle of women wrapping us in care, food, song, and story. We don’t have ceremony to usher us through this threshold.

Instead, most mothers are left carrying the invisible weight of initiation alone. We know in our bones we’re not the same—but there’s no container, no witness, and no sacred space to hold it. So the transformation gets shoved underground.

Meanwhile, the pressure is relentless…bounce back, shrink your belly, silence your grief, and slip into skinny jeans while breastfeeding on no sleep.

In other places and other times, this passage was marked.

✶ In Mexico, mothers are held through la cuarentena—40 sacred days of food, rest, and care.

✶ In Korea, there’s sanhujori—a period of protection and restoration where the new mother is treated like royalty.

✶ In China, there’s zuo yuezi—“sitting the month”—where community surrounds the mother so she can focus solely on healing and bonding.

Contrast that with here. In the West, we hand a mother a baby, a stack of discharge papers, and a stroller off her registry. And expect her to resume life “as usual.”

The result? Three core wounds that almost every modern mother carries…

The Three Core Wounds of Modern Motherhood

When we strip mothers of language, ritual, and real community, three core wounds show up again and again. Maybe you’ll recognize yourself in one—or all—of them.

1. Not Marking Matrescence (Who TF Am I Now?)

You didn’t just birth a baby—you birthed a new version of yourself. Actually, multiple new versions. And yet the world acts like you should carry on as if nothing changed.

Your body feels different. Your brain feels different. Your heart, your desires, your boundaries, your dreams—they’ve all shapeshifted. What used to matter suddenly doesn’t. What you thought you wanted now feels hollow. And in the middle of feeding around the clock and blowouts up the wazoo, there’s the constant question of…Who the hell am I now?

You catch your own reflection in the mirror and sometimes don’t recognize her. There are moments you grieve the woman you were, while also feeling awe and confusion about who you’re becoming.

And because no one names this shift, you start to think it’s just you. That you’re being dramatic. That everyone else is fine, so why can’t you just pull it together? Cue the identity crisis, the guilt, the shame and the incredulous question of WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS?!

This my GLORIOUS, MAGICAL AF MAMA, is matrescence—the metamorphosis of becoming a mother. And when it goes unseen, it can feel like living through a soul-shattering earthquake while everyone else swears the ground is steady.

…it makes you question EVERYTHING.

…Who am I now?
…What matters to me?
…What parts of myself died in birth—and what parts are clawing their way back to life?
…What do I want to carry forward, and what am I ready to burn to the ground?

But that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a very good and juiiiicy thing—when you have the right support, holding, and tending to during this transition.

Those cracks you feel—they become fertile ground. They become the openings where your truest self can rise.

Personal story:

It’s so funny…because I remember when we were talking about having children I was SO EFFING SCARED that my business would collapse in the wake of becoming a mother. And I was OBSESSED with my business. It was my everything. My baby. I couldn’t imagine something taking me away from it…

And yet…as life sneakily does sometimes, your biggest fear comes true…

Postpartum was ROUGH for me. I was NOT ok. And I was aching for someone to name what had happened to me—not just physically, but psychically, spiritually, soul-deep. I felt so fucking lonely, lost, confused, and empty. And no amount of numbing out with romantasy books, talks with my husband, or even alone time to work on my business could fix it.

A year postpartum with my first baby, I shut the doors to my 7-figure coaching certification school. And was left soaking in the liminal waters of who the hell am I now? The ego hits of being someone “important” in the industry were no more. And I had to really question who I was beyond titles and accomplishments and come to learn the truth at my core.

But the beauty of all this (which was hard to see in the thick of it, of course) was that matrescence peeled away (ok, sometimes it felt like a ripping and tearing and shredding) everything that wasn’t my TRUTH. All the superficialities, surface-level desires, etc. got taken away to reveal something deeper.

And thank effing God for that, because life has only become more rich, deep, meaningful, magical, and mischievous ;) mwuahaha!

Reflection prompts:

✶ When you look in the mirror, who do you see now? Who feels gone, and who is emerging?

✶ What’s one part of yourself you’ve grieved since becoming a mother? What’s one new part you’ve discovered or are curious about?

✶ What does matter to you now? What no longer matters that once did? What is this making possible for you?

✶ If you could gather a circle of women to witness this exact version of you, what would you want them to see, honor, or say back to you?

2. Alone in the Shallows (Where’s My Village?)

Motherhood was NEVER meant to be a solo activity. And yet, here we are—in nuclear family bubbles, isolated homes, and playdates that skim the surface.

Maybe this sounds familiar…the playground swarming with moms and kids. The talk is about nap schedules, milestones, and the occasional “mommy juice” joke. Everyone is sharing surface-level stories and tips.

But underneath, YOU ARE STAAAARVING.

Starving for real talk about the 4-month dry spell in your marriage, or the grief of losing who you used to be, or the rage that sometimes simmers just under the surface, or that sometimes you fantasize about running away.

You’re surrounded by mothers but feel lonelier than ever, because what you crave is depth—and depth is missing. And the ache of aloneness only grows when you realize the very thing you were told would connect you to a whole new community of women…sometimes makes you feel more cut off than before.

And it’s not just depth you’re missing. It’s the village itself.

No one is showing up at your door with soup when you and the kids are sick.
You don’t have a neighbor who will swoop in and watch the baby so you can nap.
There isn’t a house you can wander into, mascara-streaked, to cry on someone’s couch while they fold your laundry without making a big deal out of it.
Your kids don’t run wild with a pack of other kids while the adults cook, swap stories, and remind each other that “your babies are my babies too.”

Instead, you scroll Instagram at 2am and wonder why the hell this feels so lonely when motherhood was supposed to bring community.

This is the wound of aloneness in the crowd. You’re surrounded by people—but not held.

And without a true village, mothers carry what was always meant to be shared. OOPH.

Personal story:

For me, this part was effing brutal. I tried my best to get out of the house (eventually) postpartum, but found that even when I did, I felt more depressed and alone. I needed and craved so much more than an hour of mommy and me classes or a playdate with another mom where it felt absolutely EXHAUSTING to make conversation.

Not to mention…I felt so tender and fragile and like I needed tending to almost as much as my baby. But I was left to fend for myself and figure it out on my own.

All I came up with was that this SUCKED and surely this wasn’t the way it was meant to be.

I found it HILARIOUS (ok, devastating) that I had spent HOOOURS creating the perfect registry—agonizing over which stroller, which swaddle, which bottles, which blah blah blah…Only to find myself sitting alone in a pile of stuff when what I really wanted was…

Yummy, nourishing meals.

A trusted friend who would come hold my baby while I could take a shower or nap.

An elder to look me in the eye and say, “I’ve been there. It’s hard, but you are HELD. I’ve got you. You’re not alone in this”

Someone to reallllly listen to my birth story and not try to fix me or say “at least you and baby are healthy, yay!” But to really see me and support me in this life-altering experience and help me extract the medicine from it.

A circle of women and mamas I could gather with to LET GO. Be real with. Be held by. Connect with. And offer my support to.

But those weren’t on the registry.

Reflection prompts:

✶ Who would you call if you were sick in bed tomorrow? If no one comes to mind, how does that feel?

✶ When was the last time you let yourself really lean on someone else—for food, for childcare, or for emotional holding?

✶ Imagine you could make a registry for you, not just for the baby. What would be on it? (Meals? Circle time? A postpartum doula? Someone to listen to your birth story and support you in making peace with it? A friend on speed-dial who just “gets it”?)

✶ If you could design your own “village,” what would it look and feel like? What’s the one piece you crave most right now?

3. Martyrdom Over Motherhood (The Good Mom Trap)

Mothers are praised most when they’re invisible.

Enter…The Good Mom Myth.

She’s selfless—to the point of disappearing into her kids. Always grateful. Never resentful. Never needy. She puts herself dead last and wears exhaustion like a badge of honor. She has a spotless house, an Instagrammable baby, a thriving career—but doesn’t work too many hours and never misses a school play or bedtime. She doesn’t grieve the woman she once was, she doesn’t rage at the changes in her relationship, she doesn’t question who she’s becoming. And when she wants more—for her body, her creativity, her purpose—she’s hit with guilt sharp enough to slice her open.

When real mothers inevitably don’t match this impossible standard, we’re left drowning in guilt and silence.

Dr. Sophie Brock calls this the cultural pedestal we’ve placed mothers on—a pedestal that’s impossible to balance on, but one that leaves us trying anyway, at the expense of our sanity, our relationships, and our wholeness.

Personal story:

I fell for the Good Mom Trap, too…and continue to!

Entire days were spent feeding, soothing, cleaning, and tending. My business, my body, my dreams alwaaays came last or “later.”

And under the surface, I was simmering. RAGE at how my partner’s life looked eerily unchanged while mine had been ripped apart. RAGE that everyone noticed how much I was giving, but no one saw how much I was disappearing. RAGE that people were telling me “you look great!” or whatever instead of asking, “Lex, how are you…really???”

And even in the moments when I tried to give to myself—whether that was a nap, a solo shower, or GASP! A walk alone. Wham. The guilt hit.

It was a vicious loop: sacrifice → resentment → guilt → sacrifice again.

And here I was, a strong, independent woman who “knew better.”

Which, naturally, only piled on more shame. Shame for feeling rage. Shame for wanting more. Shame for not being able to bypass the trap even though I could see it. Shame shame shame shame shame.

WOOF.

That’s how sneaky this myth is. It worms its way into even the women who know how to call bullshit on it.

Reflection prompts:

✶ Where have you been praised for sacrificing yourself in the name of being a “good mom”?
✶ What parts of yourself have been pushed so far to the back burner you almost forget they exist?
✶ When was the last time you did something purely for you—and what came up in your body afterward?
✶ If your kids saw you living fully—not as a martyr, but as a whole, alive woman—what might that teach them about love?

These wounds don’t just live in your mind. They seep into your marriage, your friendships, your business, your sense of self. But what if these wounds aren’t inevitable? What if they’re symptoms of a culture that’s failing mothers—and what if there’s another way?

At some point, I couldn’t keep pretending it was fine. I needed answers. I needed medicine. So I went searching.

My Turning Points

My search lead me to find some brilliant women, mentors, and experiences…

I reallllly struggled with my birth experience. So much so that I kept playing it over and over and over in my head. I would even share it with people, but for whatever reason, its grip didn’t seem to loosen.

I constantly thought about what could’ve gone differently and ping-ponged between guilt-tripping myself (and even speaking HORRIBLY to myself—”What kind of woman can’t even give birth?! You had to have a c-section…so much for your ‘natural’ empowering birth. HA.”) and blaming the team that supported me (“if they had noticed the baby was sunny-side up…if they had moved me more…if they hadn’t run out of epidural…if they had just let me keep going…”).

I knew I wanted to have more children but I also knew I had a LOT to move through, especially in terms of my birth experience before that was even a consideration.

I came across Birth Story Medicine, a creation of Pamela England, and thought I’d give a session a try. It was so profoundly healing and cracked something open in me. For the first time, my story was held—not judged, not compared, or rushed through. It was honored and I truly felt peace and learning from the experience. It was so powerful I became a certified Birth Story Medicine Facilitator myself.

Shortly afterwards, I stumbled across the Motherhood Studies Certification with Dr. Sophie Brock and enrolled. It finally gave me words for what was happening—not just in me, but to all of us mamas. That motherhood is a rite of passage, as profound as puberty or menopause, and that the reason it felt so earth-shattering was because…it is. I could see clearly how society fails mothers and how that failure gets baked into every corner of our culture.

I felt SO much personal healing and deep mental understanding for what I had experienced, but I could still feel there was a missing piece. And for me, that was community and circling.

Finally, I joined MotherCircle™ an 8-week experience guided by Kimberly Ann Johnson. And SO MUCH shifted. For the first time, I sat in a circle of women who weren’t trading milestone updates or hiding behind “I’m fine.” They were naming the truth and sharing their stories and witnessing mine. I experienced community, connection, and recognition. I felt seen in the messy, wild, multidimensional identity of mother. That circle was so powerful, I knew I had to bring it to others—so I became a certified MotherCircle Facilitator, too.

From there, it was soooo clear: I couldn’t not share this.

I had to make sure other mothers got to experience what I almost missed out on—being witnessed, celebrated, and deeply supported in their becoming.

What Real Support Looks + Feels Like

As I’ve hinted and explicitly shared, mothers don’t need more swaddles, soothing sound machines, or “bounce back” workout plans.

What we need is recognition. Witnessing. Ritual. A circle that says, “I SEE YOU, BITCH! You are not alone. I’m with you. I’ve got you.”

Real support looks like:

✶ Understanding the cultural waters we’re steeped in—seeing clearly that it’s not you who’s broken, but a society built on patriarchal, capitalist systems that thrive on mothers disappearing into unpaid, invisible labor. Naming the system is liberation. It frees you from shame and gives you permission to grieve what you never received—and to imagine something different.

✶ Being witnessed in your story—having every twist, turn, and truth of your birth or motherhood initiation honored, without someone rushing to fix or compare.

✶ Sitting in circle with other mothers—speaking your truths out loud and hearing “me too” echo back until your loneliness dissolves.

✶ Rites of passage and ceremony spaces that mark what’s been lost, what’s been born, and who you’re becoming. Because despite what you’re told or have experienced, you don’t just need to survive motherhood, you deserve to be celebrated in it.

✶ Community weaving—rebuilding the village, one gathering, one meal, one circle at a time, so you’re held not just for six weeks postpartum, but for the long haul of motherhood.

And here’s what that kind of support feels like:

Like your nervous system can finally exhale.
Like your tears aren’t too much, your rage isn’t wrong, and your joy isn’t frivolous.
Like you can unclench your jaw, soften your belly, and let yourself be held for once.
Like you belong—fully, messily, gloriously—in all the versions of you that are emerging.

This Is Exactly What I Offer

Through my work, I create what our culture forgot—MotherCare™.

MotherCare™ is the modern mother’s holistic support system. It’s the new registry, the missing village, the ceremonies and circles that mark your becoming. It’s where we tend to the mother, not just the baby.

That looks like:
✨ 1:1 sessions where your story is witnessed and honored.
✨ MotherCircles™ where you sit in community that sees the real you.
✨ Rites of passage and ceremonies that mark the seismic shift of matrescence.
✨ Community weaving that slowly rebuilds the village around you.

This is what I’ve devoted myself to creating—for the mothers who are pregnant and standing at the threshold, for the ones freshly postpartum and cracked wide open, and for the women years down the line who still feel the ache of an unacknowledged transformation.

I deeply believe that MotherCare™ is NOT a luxury. It’s the essential tending of your story, your soul, your spark, and your support village.

Here are the deets of how I bring MotherCare™ to life:

Birth Story + Soul Spark Sessions

✶ 1:1 In-Home or Virtual (one-off session and ongoing packages available)

In these sessions, I listen deeply to your birth story as a certified Birth Story Medicine Listener, helping you integrate the beauty and the ache of what you’ve been through. Whether you’ve experienced the birth of your dreams, had a difficult and unwanted experience, or a loss, these are for every birthing mama.

I also bring my background as a Master Practitioner of the Transformational Arts (NLP, EFT, TIME Techniques, Hypnosis, Parts Work, Shadow Work, Astrology, and more) to support your becoming as you move through the postpartum portal (aka after birth and beyond!). Because you don’t lose yourself in motherhood—you come closer to the truth of who you are. YUM.

Think: a mix of reflection, deep transformational work, ritual, and a good cry.

MotherCircle™

✶ An 8-Week Journey of Connection + Ceremony (in Bermuda or online)

This is not another mommy-and-me class. This is a mommy-and-her-baddie-mommy-friends gathering.

These circles are for the mother—to be held, witnessed, and celebrated in community with other women walking the same wild path. We follow an 8-week arc from Kimberly Ann Johnson’s MotherCircle, which I’m certified to facilitate. You can expect to:

• Reconnect with your body, cycles, and sexuality in this new season.

• Explore the real-talk side of grief, rage, love, and desire (all welcome here).

• Reclaim your worth, boundaries, and values as a mother and woman.

• Root into your lineage + legacy—what you carry, what you release, what you pass on.

• Close with ceremony + celebration to anchor your transformation and send you forward with more clarity, support, and community.

Rites of Passage + Ceremonies

✶ Thresholds Marked with Meaning

Modern culture claps for the baby, claps if you look “good” postpartum, and then moves on. BARF. Meanwhile, you’ve crossed a threshold SO radical it’s reshaped your body, your psyche, and your soul. When passages like these are left unmarked mothers often feel unseen, unanchored, and alone.

Ceremony changes that.

I craft Mother’s Blessings, Postpartum Ceremonies, and bespoke rituals to help you honor your thresholds with your community (no matter how big or small) in a way that’s deeply meaningful and wildly personal.

Sometimes it looks like candles, flowers, sisterhood, and tears. Sometimes it’s laughter, dancing, and feeding each other cake while blasting Lizzo. Either way, you leave feeling seen, celebrated, and anchored in your becoming.

Because you deserve waaaay more than just surviving this transition. You deserve to be crowned in it, QUEEN!

Community Weaving

✶ The Mother’s Registry, Reinvented

Sure, baby registries are cute. But where’s the registry that YOU really need?! I

Together, we design the support you actually crave with a bespoke intake experience where we map out what would make you feel held. Maybe it’s:

• Friends on a meal train where you choose the recipes.

• A massage + solo time while someone else handles the baby.

• A circle of your closest women gathering weekly to be together.

• A day where your besties conspire to spirit you away for fun.

Whatever your heart wants, we weave it in. Then we give your people a way to show up that doesn’t suck. No more vague “let me know if you need anything” texts. Instead, you get a swoon-worthy village that delights them to give and saves you from doing motherhood alone.

Because your people do want to help. They just need someone to show them how—and that’s where I come in 😉

This is the support I went searching for and couldn’t find. Now, I offer it to you.

This work is for you if…
✶ You’re pregnant and want to enter motherhood with support, not just a registry.
✶ You’re freshly postpartum and aching for someone to witness you, not just the baby.
✶ You’re years into motherhood but still carrying the weight of an unacknowledged initiation.

It’s never too early—or too late—to be held.

If your body is whispering (or screaming), yes, this is what I’ve been missing, here’s your next step:

DM me on Instagram @lexidangelo if you’re ready to receive—or gift—the soul-level support every mother deserves.

You don’t have to carry this alone. You were never meant to.